The end of my Affair
Wow, am I ever hurting. I never thought I’d fall for someone who was in a relationship, with kids and a whole life but here I am.
I (31F)was the mistress to someone (36M)for the last 6 ish months. I’m going to do my best to explain it from beginning to end with out rambling too much (Queen of short story long)
We both started new jobs in September of last year. By mid October, he asked me out for lunch. I was weary at first knowing he had a gf and 4 kids. I came up with an excuse and didn’t go. The next day he asked again and I went. We worked in different areas of our workplace so hadn’t had much time to get to know eachother before hand. But we hit it off right away. Conversations felt easy, we could laugh and be weird with eachother pretty much off the hop. We started going out for lunch pretty much every day. When one day he asked how I was still single and said he’d have expected a line up of men waiting for me. Then we exchanged numbers.
This is where things began to escalate. He told me he couldn’t take his eyes off me and he was trouble. At first I kind of dismissed it, but he didn’t give up and I started flirting back. Things escalated more, to him grabbing my ass when id walk by him at work to sexting eachother on his 1.5 hour long drive home.
He kept asking me to come into work early but I didn’t like the idea of risking getting caught. I asked him to stay late. He did, he came over, we slept together. This was on Dec 1. He stayed late the next 2 days as well then said he. Couldn’t do that anymore. So, we started driving to my place on our hour lunch break and sleeping together then, every single day.
Christmas came and we had a week off work, he texted me day 3 of our break that he couldn’t get me off his mind, it was the best thing ever and nothing compared. First day back at work he told me he missed me, then feelings were admitted on both sides. He said maybe we should stop because he does love his family and doesn’t want anyone to get hurt. We stopped, for 2 days, before he came up behind me in the lunch room and just stood there, leaning up against me. I turned around and so ended us “stopping”
January and February things were great. We had a routine. He would text me the second he left his house in the mornings and text me on his 1.5 hour drive in. We’d meet in the lunch room, catch up, make out, sometimes get a little risky in the bathroom. Lunch time- my place, sex. Maybe once or twice a week we’d go out to eat. We’d sometimes sneak to the lunch room to kiss through out the day, and we’d always grab eachother when we’d walk by. End of day, he’d text me his whole drive home.
Through out these 2 months, we talked about how much we liked eachother and asked why now, why not sooner, he said had we met before he had kids it wouldn’t even be a question. (I should also mention from October to now his girlfriend did come up here and there. He never said anything horrible about her but he also never said anything great, he didn’t make it sound like they were happy, he said she was kind of crazy, very controlling, she came into work one day and the way she talked to him was, well, yikes, very belittling and nasty)
Around March some time he seemed to start texting less. I asked if everything was okay and he said everything was fine. He is a very emotionally avoidant person. Things continued to be normal other than that though. Our routine was normal.
From the start of all of this I’d leave him little sticky notes on his tool box. Or random little Knick knacks I had found. He had kept them all in a drawer. Even the ones that were simply about work with a random doodle on it. (I felt like this meant something)
His birthday was coming up and I got him a jacket he said he’d always wanted. I wasnt sure if it was too much considering our situation but I couldn’t help myself, it’s a love language. I had stuck a note inside the pocket of the jacket “now you have a piece of me no matter where we went up, happy birthday Mr —— ♡” he kept it and it sits in his tool box.
Then April- my birthday, he had asked me, what does ms —— want for her birthday. I told him he didn’t have to get me anything, that I just wanted to spend more time with him if it were possible. He said he’d try.
Now I feel like I need to add in here from January- current I had bugged him to stay late multiple times and he said no no no every time. Everything that happened between us became strictly in between work hours. Feelings came up a few times and he told me he couldn’t be anything more than the guy that clocks in and out with me but what happens between those hours were my choice. Although he did show up at my place one morning extra early.
So, anyways, my birthday comes up, he got me a bag of my favorite chips and he welded me a dog out of bolts and spark plugs. I thought it was very cute, I was hugging him and kissing him and then he told me he couldn’t stay late. I was sad but I didn’t make a boo about it. He told me his kids were number 1 and he would do anything for them including not leaving his relationship.
April- now the texting was getting less and less, I could feel him pulling away but when I’d ask if everything was okay he’d reassure me he’s never been happier and wouldn’t change a thing. On good days the sex was getting more and more intense instead of routine, the chemistry was insane between us. On other days he couldnt get hard and said his brain was being weird.
The last few weeks he’s been reaching out on weekends, sending me pictures and videos of his kids. Something he’s never done before. I felt closer to him than ever but somehow could feel him drifting away.
At the end of April I got laid off. But we’ve seen eachother every day (except weekends) since then. Texting the same, lunch breaks the same.
All week this week I could tell something was really off. Monday we had possibly the most instense, beautiful sex. And after that he got weird. I kept bugging and he kept reassuring me he’s never been happier. Yesterday included. Then today he came over, couldn’t get hard. I asked what was on his mind he said nothing, then he said Mother’s Day. He said since he came over he has to run and get a gift after work and somehow still not be late or she’s lose it on him, that brought up me asking why he puts up with that. Which made him mad I supposed, he told me to stop I asked why am I wrong he said you’re very wrong about her (which is shocking to me because everything I know about her is what he’s told me) then he told me his brains been going all week trying to find out how to tell me something and I was making it easier by addressing issues in his relationship, I asked him to just tell me what’s been going on and he said “we’re too close” … “too close, how?” I asked and he said “I don’t feel good anymore that’s how” and I apologized, said I didn’t realize, brought up how he’s been texting me on weekends and showing me pictures of his kids recently and that I must’ve read that wrong. He read the texts and I haven’t heard from him since.
I feel sick to my stomach that it’s over. I can’t quite capture the chemistry we had and all the times we shared, the comfort, the laughs, the closeness. I think I held out hope that he would choose me, even tho he said he loved his family, I stupidly thought there was a chance.
At the same time, I’m also a little upset because again, everything I knew about her was what he told me, which lead me to believe he wasn’t happy with her, which made what we were doing a little more okay in my mind I guess. I think if he told me things were perfect at home and she was great and he just wanted to have fun with me, well, I’m not sure I would’ve continued.. so for him to turn around and say everything I think about her is wrong, I think I feel mislead like I participated in a narrative he helped me create. I don’t know.
We’re too close, but he was the one to initiate everything, the morning texts, the evening texts, he’d draw hearts and leave little notes on my car. He’d draw hearts in the snow for me to see as I walked into work. HE started reaching out on the weekends, he started showing me his kids.
I just don’t understand :(