r/adultery

I’m 37 years old. 14 years married. 19 together. My husband has been my one and only, and this is something that I’ve cherished along the years. But, for some years I’ve been wondering and wondering. Our life isn’t easy, but there’s love. He’s a really good men. Good father. And we have sex at least 3 times a week. And I deeply enjoy it. So, it’s not a dead bedroom, is not that I don’t love him. Is not that I want to leave him. But, there’s this part of me, that needs to feel the thrill again, the longing , the long hours conversation, the passion. I’m more outgoing and forward, my husband has a hard time “letting himself go” in the sense of, be more adventurous or trying new things. Sometimes I feel trapped because there so much out there and we barely go out. I like meeting new people and talk, laugh, dance… So, if I were to find someone alike, does it worth the fear of being caught? I don’t want to destroy my marriage. But I don’t want to live my life without knowing more. Does it make sense?

When did the desire die, when you thought you don't want this person touching you anymore?

Great as a co-parent/roommate, but you don't want to see her naked, don't want her seeing you naked and don't want to be touched by her?

Been searching on the affair sub recently and guys wtf is going on? It’s insane the amount of guys that have responded to my recent posts mentioning their dick size in their initial message. It’s honestly hilarious to me. If one more guy says they’re “hung” I’m fucking running for the hills.

What’s the most convenient chance life offered you, that you’ve taken during your affair? Did you and your AP happen to meet completely by chance during the day, unplanned, and turned it into a quick(ie) date? Did your schedule randomly clear up because your spouse and the kids decided to go on a trip without you? What’s the most convenient opportunity that randomly appeared where you just said “Fuck it.” and went along with it?

My story: SO had a popped tire while she was out. AP was jogging 6 minutes away. One text led to another and you know the rest.

In this group we often remind eachother that we can unrealistic views of our APs. Because we don't have to live with them, we can make them perfect in our head.

Until today I hadn't considered that the opposite could also be true 😆 I was messaging my AP and bemoaning my inability to cook for guests. He said I was doing myself a disservice, and he was sure I was a great host.

Ermmmmm, no 😂 I am really not a domestic goddess 😂

What about you? What secret pedestal has your AP put you on?

I had an affair… I don’t want to get into much detail (but ready to answer any questions). We both realized that under slightly different circumstances we would be married. Perfect match on every conceivable domain. Stellar chemistry, companionship, humor, support, sexual experience out of this world. We stopped just because the situation was starting getting intolerable mainly for ethical and for practical reasons. There was no fight or disagreement. Deep love and understanding. Her marriage very fresh, mine quite mature. Ages mid 30s for both of us.. what happens next? Can we refocus on our marriages? Or since the emotional core has already been displaced outside marriages things are irreversible?

Randomly downloaded tinder the other day because I was feeling lonely. I was planning on deleting it the next day. I ended up matching with this lovely 38 year old woman. (I’m 30M)

So we get to chatting and she tells me she’s a nurse practitioner. She ends up telling me the kind of medical office she works in, which I realize is the same kind my wife is the practice manager in. I find her on Facebook, and sure enough it’s the exact same office. (They weren’t fb friends)

I immediately panicked and unmatched her. It’s been about 7 days or so and my wife hasn’t said anything or been acting different.

I’m just finding it hard to believe this woman didn’t know who I was. There’s pictures of me all over my wife’s office and I imagine the connection isn’t hard to make. We aren’t really in a small town so this had to have been some horrible luck lol.

Edit: I imagine she has seen me at Christmas parties before. The party this year may get awkward

to the ones who have DADT relationships… how did you start the conversation with your SO?
My partner is very attracted to me (we are both in our mid 30s), but I would like to keep exploring sex outside my marriage without having to lie.
Any advice on how to start this conversation without hurting his feelings?

Hi everyone,

Its that time!!

Vent, rant, share, talk...goes on.

Anyone have an affair which necessitates crossing the US/Canada border? Were you honest with the border agents? I started out by saying I was meeting up with a friend, which got them thinking I was either an escort or being trafficked and they would drill me with questions to that effect. Then I started traveling alone to shop, but when I was never actually buy anything this has become a problem too. When I want to stay overnight that puts the US border agents in a tizzy when I try to return!! My affair partner as a man has rarely had issues but has been asked when crossing with his wife “when was the last time you’ve entered the US” which could definitely cause problems! Also the use of flock cameras in my area will make his future comings and goings an issue because I’m afraid he will need to be honest with his intentions as well. How do the border agents handle “I am having an affair and going to spend time with my boyfriend”?!? Every single crossing has become more problematic and I feel I need to just tell them.

Looking for neutral insight. My AP (he’s single) spent ~2–3 months in full pursuit — daily contact, emotional intensity, romantic language, couldn’t get enough of me. I tried to pace it but he was 110% in.

After years of casual contact, we finally had an overnight together. It was incredible, “magical” in his words. Immediately afterward he became distant, inconsistent, and avoidant. I stayed calm and initiated basic contact, but his replies were shallow and he never asked how I was. He was suddenly “too busy.”

This week I addressed the inconsistency in a factual, non‑accusing way. He escalated into defensiveness and then retreated completely.

Has anyone else experienced this pattern — intense pursuit → great meetup → sudden 180° shift?

… Edit… to clarify that “years of casual contact” = more than 5 years of meet ups, really hot & passionate. We are not new to each other. The overnight retreat is the new factor. Sorry for any confusion.

On a daring site and matched with this lady. Thought she looks familiar so I clicked on it. Sent her a massage and took her a bit but did reply . She knew who i was and ask me not to tell. He is not a close friend just a guy who is around some . Kept chatting and thinking about meeting up with her. Not sure what to do .

I’m not really sure why I’m posting this. I guess I just need to talk about it and hear from people who have been in a similar situation.

I’m 41F, married, and I’ve been having an affair with a married man for about a year.

Recently, my oldest daughter told me she had seen a half-naked picture of me and my AP about four months ago. I don’t know why she waited so long to tell me, but eventually I told my husband everything.

He asked me a lot of questions. Who is he? Do I know him? Where is he from? Things like that. He was a little angry but honestly, I expected a much bigger reaction.

The first thing he said was that I had to end the affair.

Then we would take care of our daughter, and she would be fine. I said okay.

But now I don’t know what to do with myself.

I feel terrible about my daughter. She’s only 12, and I hate that she had to see something like that. I don’t know what she has been thinking about for the last four months or how much this has affected her. I feel guilty and scared about what this will do to our family.

But here’s the other side of it. I have feelings for the other man. Real feelings. This isn’t just sex for me, and the thought of ending it hurts. I know I should probably just end it and deal with it, but it’s not that easy emotionally.

At the same time, my husband and I are still married, and now we have to figure out what happens next. I am not in love with him anymore and I don’t see him as a partner. He’s my best friend but not my partner. Also there’s no physical attraction for me anymore.

I feel guilty about my daughter, I know I’ve hurt my husband, and I still don’t want to lose the other man. I know how selfish that sounds.

I’m not looking for people to tell me cheating is okay. I know what I did, and I’m not trying to make excuses. But I also can’t pretend I don’t have feelings just because the situation has become a mess.

I want to hear from people who have been through something similar.

If you cheated and fell in love with the other person, how did you deal with ending it?

If your spouse cheated and you stayed, what happened after they told you? Could you ever get past it?

If you found out as a child that one of your parents was having an affair, how did it affect you? What did you need from your parents?

If you stayed married after an affair, was it because you wanted to save the marriage or because of the kids?

I honestly don’t know what I’m expecting from this post. I just feel like I’m stuck between what I should do, what I feel, and what’s best for my family.

Please be honest with me. I’m okay with hearing things I might not want to hear.

I met up with my AP yesterday and had a very good time. Nice sex but the best eas that we cuddled and talked for about an hour after. It felt warm, safe and cosy.

When I came home I felt horrible. Not because of what we’d done, but the sudden realisation of how lonely I am in my marriage, how much I need to be hold and stroked on my back. How much I need someone to ask me questions, to be interested in me, someone who smiles when he sees me. My H never stayed in bed after the deed was done. He left and went for the bathroom. He wiggles out of hugs and shows little interest in me. He didn’t want sex at some point because he thought I’d trick him in to getting pregnant (I wanted one more child, he didn’t but I’d never betray him like that).

The contrast of being so happy after the meeting but also so sad was very heavy.

I am so sad and frustrated and mad at myself for how for how long I accepted to be taken for granted. But leaving is easier said then done. I don’t have parents, hardly any network, two wonderful kids that need me, more that just 50% of the time. I just don’t know how to progress in a divorce and how to say the words out loud even. Choosing things for myself is very difficult.

But I also need to be loved.

I’ve been posting on the affair subs for a couple months now and I keep running into the issue, or at least that’s what I’m being told, that they feel too guilty to continue chatting.

It has ranged from a few days to a few weeks of chatting. Once was after I sent a voice note and he almost got caught listening to it. Another was making me a masturbation video and he almost got caught when his SO came home early. Last one was after he supposedly opened a naughty photo of me at a bad time and almost got caught.

They make it seem like sparks are flying between us and then I get a message like “I almost got caught and it gave me a new perspective. I think you’re awesome and totally my type but I should really focus on my relationship now”

First time it happened, I believed it. Now that it keeps happening I’m wondering if it’s just a common cop-out in the affair space. I wouldn’t be surprised if it is.

So have you lied and said you feel guilty or do you think I just have had a string of bad luck?

Sometimes when it hurts this bad I want to do crazy girl shit and spill the real truth.
I want him to hurt more than me
I knew I would end up hurt and I really tried to walk away before it happened but I honestly didn’t know it would be this bad
Life sucks for me why shouldn’t I make his suck worse?

I think this is the worst feature launched by Reddit.

Tldr : Joined adultery after a break of over a year and a half, realized Reddit has changed quite a bit, didn't have the need to post anything or go through anyone's profile.

Basically this is a nightmare to gauge whether user profiles are authentic/bots/scams.

As someone who works in tech, I'd have vehemently objected to the launch of this feature, an absolute trash decision. What are your views? Has your approach changed?

Reddit PMs, if you're watching the adultery sub, please fix this 😂

A gripe:

I’m over here trying to figure out why my AP search posts are prompting DMs from men with no substance. It’s almost like they’re intrigued by the possibility but have nothing to say or offer. I don’t get it. The point is to both make others aware of the interest in changing my status and seeking out possible matches. Think you might get along well? Does it sound like I might be up your alley? Cool! Let’s get into it and see if you’re right. Tell me what I’d need to know to be interested and let’s see if we align. But what does it do to send pointless messages initiating contact if you aren’t going to DO anything? Why waste the time? Are they expecting me to do the work? That can’t be it.

If I haven’t got a purpose for getting your attention, I’m certainly not about to disturb you by playing in your DMs! Find something real to do. Geez.

So I’ve been looking for a connection online or in real life and I really didn’t think it would be this exhausting. Don’t get me wrong I’ve had some promising starts but then they ghost, or the emotional weight of the situation kicks in there end and one that was going amazingly “hubbies onto me”
So… yeah… all the effort goes to waist and it’s back to the drawing board again and again.

After talking to several men on AM, I finally found a decent one who I decided to take the plunge tonight. We met for drinks. It went south quickly.

Please cheer me up and share your worst meetup story.