This post is for anybody who’s been hurt by an AP.
I’ll start.
I didn’t like his dress sense. He looked weak - I reckon I could lift heavier in the gym than him.
I feel better now. Feel free to add yours.
Edit: Girls, getting some weird private messages from this post so comment at your own peril
I've been wondering about something for a while, and I'm genuinely curious how others see it.
I read a lot of posts from people who dream about ending up with their AP but don't because of kids, finances, housing, family, or other practical reasons. Those reasons make complete sense.
But what surprises me is that I rarely see anyone talk about trust?
If someone is willing to cheat with you, what makes you believe they won't eventually cheat on you? Do most people just trust their AP completely? Or do most affairs simply never reach that point, so the trust issue never really has to be confronted?
The reason I'm asking is personal. At one point I seriously considered leaving my husband for my AP. But the biggest thing that stopped me wasn't the practical sid, it was trust.
(Some background story: my AP had previously left his GF for another AP. They for married and now I became the new AP. Knowing that history makes it difficult for me to trust him. But I'm pretty sure I would not fully trust him Even if I had been his only AP).
So I'm genuinely curious: if you've considered building a life with your AP, how did you deal with the trust issue? Did it not worry you, or did you just decide the risk was worth taking?
I am in an affair with a good friend of mine. We are both married.
A poorly timed kiss and a mutual friend saw us. Friend is not somebody I text or talk to much, but we have been doing a weekly group activity together (sorry for being vague) for like 5 years, and all 3 of us have been part of the same parent group for longer.
Also turns out the friend and my affair partner have also had an affair in the past. I couldn't care less about their history together, but the friend got pretty upset upon seeing. Who could blame them? They are married so I'm pretty confident that they will keep the news to themselves. Probably makes it even more upsetting not being able to talk to anybody about it.
AP and I have talked about it enough, and I'm well aware that AP is in a more awkward situation than me here. I'm pretty pleased with how we've handled it between us.
I keep thinking I should reach out to the friend, but I don't know what good would come of it. I really don't want to know about their past with my AP, and it's not like I would fill them in on all our gory details. I don't feel like our affairs are each other's business. But we WILL eventually be at a party or some other event together, and I hate having this awkward thing hanging over me out in the universe somewhere. I'd rather it be addressed in private than have our first encounter be at a birthday party with our kids there.
What do you guys think? Am I being ridiculous worrying about the friend's feelings? Can any good come from checking in with them? What's a reasonable amount of time after the incident to do so?
I have nowhere else to go to talk to someone. I've been with my AP for 5 years. Things have been pretty smooth but not without bumps. I see them maybe once a month in person but talk to them everyday. We are both married, this is their second marriage and they have 3 kids from first marriage. Everything was good up until about two weeks ago,.. they stated that they were thinking about divorcing their spouse for other reasons (spouse has no idea I exist that is not the reason for divorce). They stressed a social media break would be coming soon to handle things. After they expressed that, we were fine for a little over a week. We spent some time together and things were good.. and then BOOM they drop the social media break because now she is catching something and thinks this is the reason for the divorce, but it's not. He says he isn't ending it with me and left it at that, it's been 6 days and I'm trying to not reach out in any form just to keep things safe. I keep seeing him pop up on FB . I assume he meant a social media break with me, but how long will this be? I can wait for him , it's fine... but it sucks! Any input?
Yes, I understand it violates the trust and the relationship but why isn’t it talked about the situation a person is put in to cheat. Patrice O’Neal said it best. “Cheating is me going behind your back to find a lil bit of happiness”. From what I’m finding out on Reddit is a lot o cheating stems from the lack of something, sex, intimacy, closeness, whatever.
I think it’s cruel to make someone enter a monogamous relationship to only deprive them of something that helps them function.
Maybe I’m overthinking or dealing with my own guilt.
Idk.
Just a lonely man in a marriage trying to find some happiness
They're normally heavy and weird but this song had me thinking about someone. The lines I know/dont know how I feel when im around you hits for me.
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=ByBhN\_X5nVg&si=lFcY6y9EfX\_ujaFO
Can you have a one year affair with someone, message daily for hours, see each other 3 x a week, be each other’s support, have amazing chemistry like never before.. and not have feelings?
I’m married and he ended it with me (and it was a hard decision for him that he dragged out) when he separated from his wife to start fresh with his kids. I know he then found a new girlfriend.
Despite this, he came back. Id leave to be with him. Our connection was just so good, unlike I’ve ever had. I just don’t know if he has feelings or ever has. With a new relationship, that’s normally the best honeymoon phase yet he still came back.
Looking for stories or advice from those who have taken the leap and decided to leave their partner after being married a long time.
How did it go? What was the fallout?
I'm in the process of deciding what to do. In a situation where we are more like housemates than anything else...she has admitted it as well.
It has been this way for a few years now..
I have found a number of would-be AP’s over the past couple of years … men I genuinely like, am attracted to, communicate well with, but for whatever reasons, it’s not going to work in proximity.
They all occasionally vent to me as to how hard it is to be a man who posts, but then I also hear about how men never expect their replies to be read either.
So I’m curious, for both men and women, if you are currently happy with an AP you found in this dark corner of the internet: did you post or reply?
My husband reminds me why I need to get out of this marriage. My AP and I are very much in love, as we were 25 years ago and want to finally be together but of course so many things to figure out before we can do that, he's also married, to alcoholic and my husband also has a problem with alcohol. We were out with friends and had drinks the other night, nothing too crazy, came home and he had another drink, apparently more than I realized. He had gone to bed early because he had to work,well when I went up to bed, he was laying diagonally across the bed and had peed on the carpet and bathroom floor. This isn't the first time, far from it. He never remembers any of it the next day, but I have been taking pictures and videos for evidence when I file for divorce. Between those episodes and the not showering for weeks at a time sometimes, is the reason I am repulsed by him and am in a DB marriage. I truly don't want to hurt him, but I can't stay in a marriage with someone I'm not attracted to anymore.
Has anyone ever been involved with someone they met here only to find that they have multiple profiles and continue to post actively looking for someone? I’m not in here to get into the nitty gritty and obviously anyone in this thread posting a question like this would have been an absolute fool from the start to think that anyone they met in the shadows of Reddit would ever be truly genuine in wanting to find only one person to be with outside of their real life circumstance (for whatever reasons may be). It’s more of a genuine curiosity… how many of you have gone through this and just knew it was your person on the other end of the ad, just from a different username (or multiple)? If so, did you ever end up actually confronting them or did you just suck it up and have your own coming to Jesus moment with yourself about why you felt you had the right to care? Obviously if they’re lying to their spouse, they’re lying to us too (I get it). I’d love to know if anyone actually successfully called it out or does everyone in this space just accept that this is a part of it? Accepting that matter how much you care or think you are it and that special secret place you slip off to together was never really just going to be for you.
hi sorry in advance if nothing makes sense. i’m spiraling.
i (28f) have been married to my husband (29m) for a year now. dating since 2021. living together since 2022. we eloped last year 2025, had a beautiful ceramony, fantastic honeymoon, came home and haven’t had sex since. basically a year of resentment and anxiety. divorce is currently not an option for me, financially or otherwise.
about two weeks ago i was bored and very horny. i made a profile on online chat. last week i got a message from someone else married and struggling (42m) and we hit it off. we’ve talked the last week almost nonstop, already had phone calls and voice messages and we had a video call two days ago. it has been the most invigorating convo i’ve had in years. he’s hilarious and sweet and kind and very sexy. it got kinda intense, we definitely make a lot of jokes but his ground rule is no major life changes. we also live on opposite sides of the country from each other.
this leads to my questions/problem, i’ve never done this “affair” thing before. i really really like this man. this weekend we hardly spoke because i was visiting my in laws. i’m trying to not be desperate and text/call him all hours of the day but i am suffering not talking to him. i couldn’t sleep last night and now im just up tonight a mess waiting for his response. he’s literally a dream husband imo but it seems like he and his wife have some issues that have been building up for a while. my question to you all who have had affairs before - is this actually genuine or am i infatuated with someone who pays attention to me? is this normal?
any advice would be phenomena!! thank u all in advance😭😭
Hey… new to this. Basically my AP ghosted me for almost 3 days and then reappeared today. What are the rules? Do I reply? Delete and block?
I like him and never defined what we are, exclusive or not, since I figured I can’t do that since he’s not an official boyfriend/husband.
I guess I want to know are there “rules” for APs or it it an anything goes sort of thing?
30F and 42M both married (5 and 18 yrs respectively) in a relationship for about 2 years. Friends for 2-3 years before it developed into something much more. To make things complicated, we live in different states about 6 hours apart. In the beginning, I was nonchalant about 42M posting pictures of his lavish lifestyle with his wife, (38F) but found myself reacting hostile towards it recently as feelings grow. We see each other every 2-3 months, have a lot of sex when we do and 42M has not been intimate with his wife for a year. It is to the point where we have discussed whoopsie scenarios and has openly stated he does not mind having a child with me. It is almost as if he hopes fate pulls the trigger for him. He always talks about how our relationship is forever, but I know this structure does not work for me. He is comfortable with his current life and I totally get that he does not want to uproot his entire life and cause a shitstorm although he loves me. Both things can be true at the same time. Same for me, but I feel given my younger age I do not mind starting again. At the same time, I also feel I am not giving my own life a shot. Am afraid this will eventually drive us apart. Thoughts? Do I end it now before it gets even deeper?
*notabot
Newer account. Not new to Reddit.
I’ve been in a great relationship with my AP for nearly a year now. (Met her on Reddit, btw.) We have a LDR. We’ve been able to see each other once every 4-6 weeks. We’ve talked damn near every day since day one—messaging, voice notes, calls. I can’t complain at all.
I’m wondering if any of the Reddit crew has come up with contingency plans for when emergencies come up with you or AP. I’m not talking about when one ghosts another. (I feel like that’s in a different category.) I mean when your AP has something going on, and either cannot make contact, or is limited in being able to reach out. Do you have a contingency? Especially for those of you in LDR—how will you know the difference between a “busier than usual” day and a “something happened” day?
Is there a certain number of hours/days of silence before you reach out? Is there a safe third party to reach out to who can say what’s up? Social media signal?
Just a note: I’ve been in relationships and my partner “played in my face,” with someone else. This is not that. (We’ll see each other this week, as a matter of fact.) I’m just wondering for those who’ve been in longer relationships, have there been conversations about when things come up? Or should partners expect that one day there will be ultimate silence if something, like an emergency, came up?
Thoughts?
Fellas, what’s the current state of Ashley Madison?
I haven’t been on there seriously in about a year and a half, maybe two. Years ago, I actually had success there finding an AP. But the last few times I logged in…man, it felt like bot heaven.
It was almost comical. Same woman, 36-40, always “nearby,” always sending me a wink. I’d answer, we’d exchange a couple of messages, and then—like clockwork—“Hey, do you have WhatsApp?” Every-God-forsaken-bloody time. At this point I’m convinced WhatsApp is the official sponsor of romance scammers.
So what’s the recon report? Is it still bots, flakes, and dead conversations? Or did Mr. Peabody invent a magic potion while I was gone? No disrespect to the ladies—I know the experience is different on your side. I’m mainly asking the guys who’ve been on recently.
I’m not looking to keep dropping coins into the arcade machine if the game is just going to glitch at Level 1.
Im new to all of this so bare with me. Im 33F and I'm happily married to my amazing husband hes 52. We have been together since 2017, got married in 2018 and about 6 months later his mom moved in with us. She lived with us until about 3 months ago. Last year intimacy was basically non existent between my hubs and I, there was a co worker that was always flirting with me and I started flirting back and well of course one thing led to another and well we slept together. Its like the awoke a beast in me that is having the hardest time being satisfied. So I joined a different website and have had major luck finding random hookups until 2.5 months ago I met someone and something about him is different. We have seen each other at least once a week since and every time I see him I crave him more after. I have since stopped getting on the website I was on since meeting him. How do I know if its like a full affair and not just sex? How do I bring this up to him? I can provide more information as needed. Im just so confused
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You get a message in response to your post. Start talking, it's friendly, but there's no mention of physical or pictures. The conversation drags on, and you ask about exchanging pictures. She ask for you to send one first. You send a picture, but she doesn't. Then, she says, "oh, I don't think you're my type".
I honestly don't care about women's opinion on this one. You, a man, have been working on yourself in order to find a worth while AP, and have had some success. But for some reason, the more you work on yourself, the more responses like that you get.
Here's my theory. Unattractive women are terrified of getting rejected, so they manipulate the situation so they never have to be rejected.
As a man tho, you might feel like you're not attractive enough, but in this case, you are wrong. You're more attractive then the person that just rejected you. But because you're kept in the dark, you can't confirm it.
Has anyone reconnected w/ ap after 2 years of not seeing them ? How did it go? I cut ties but they keep reaching out don't know if I should do it again or not
Yes, I know, iOS is a pain.
I recently acquired an iPad because I wanted a device for reading that was a little more versatile than a e-reader. I downloaded Telegram and immediately locked it down as I have on my phone. I haven’t had any problems, but I am questioning this decision because a new device always means more risk of exposure. I was looking for the convenience of not pivoting between devices when I am reading.
I do not share accounts, passwords, cell accounts, or devices with my SO and everything I use for philandering is either hidden or locked with a passcode. I am not on social media. And I do not use iMessage for anything nefarious. My biggest concern is that my new device uses the wifi. I am the only one that looks at and knows how to log into the router. I do use a VPN.
Am I missing anything, or would I just be better off deleting Telegram from my new device?