Why do we do this to ourselves?
After nearly 6 years and numerous breaks in that time, some of which lasted months of no contact, the end is finally here. She is single and I am a MM. We met during COVID and we hit it off strong.
After almost a year of slow burn and tension we finally made it physical and it was the best I'd ever had. That is a big part of why it's been so hard to walk away from.
I ended up deciding to end my marriage after realizing how much was missing from my marriage after connecting with her. I've been working through my exit strategy for too long. The process has been brutal with serval times me pausing the process because of the pain it was causing my kids.
I really thought she and I could make and become legit. She has mostly put her life on hold waiting for me. I never asked her to but that was how it happened. She only went on a few dates with a few guys during the 6 years. As I am getting closer to moving out, she has hit the point of not being able to wait. She still doubts that I'll leave because I have pulled back from doing so perviously.
Ultimately she's ready to have a companion in daily life and even once I move out, it will still be awhile until things are finalized for me. She's been miserable doing holidays and special events alone for this entire time. I completely understand she is ready for a full relationship with someone who can fully commit.
We are still communicating but today she is going on a date. She's always been big to say if she was going to dinner with someone that didn't mean it was a date but she has consistently used that word since telling me it was happening.
She reminds me that she has watched me for years do things with my spouse while she was alone. She's not wrong but ultimately the imbalance of single vs married AP is the reason it is ending.
I honestly know deep down she's not the right person for me post divorce. While.so much of us was good, the few red flags are bright enough that I should have stayed away during the previous breaks but the end of that connection and the thoughts of a real future are closing. It's a bit hard to stomach at the moment but it's time to pick up and figure out what life looks like in my future.