u/Responsible_Hat_6263

Long story short, I had an affair, on and off for 3 years with a old friend. We were both in dead bedrooms and agreed we should focus on our marriage and just be friends. I did really like him, and if he were interested I would have been open to talking about being together- but I couldn't continue with an affair. So we decided to just be friends. He has mentioned looking for an ongoing affair partner, where as didn't want to continue with the secrets, and lies. We both said to each other many times over the years that we cared deeply about each other, even just as friends. I actually meant it though. He ghosted me 4+ months ago.

We don't live near each other, so we're not likely to bump into each other.

I've never cheated, he was an exception. I really made an exception for this guy, b/c we were friends first and I trusted him. I feel so stupid. What is odd to me is he ghosted me over a year after the affair ended. I guess I'm just trying to get some clarity around this since I'm not going to get any closure.

My 12 year old daughter has been best friends with a girl for years.

This friend's dad has always sent random memes on social media. Over the past year he started sending me sexual content. So I ghosted him. I showed my husband. Eventually he stopped. I only talk to the dad if it involves logistics surrounding our kids. I prefer to go through the mom.

Both families have a younger sibling in the same grade. We live near each other. We will be part of the same community for at least 10+ more years with our kids in similar sports, and close proximity, etc.

We have always loved this other family, especially the kids. Shortly after the dad's messages, the mom of the other family left our car pool. I didn't ask questions. Then her daughter told my daughter her mom discouraged their friendship. I hoped not to make it awkward but with the new school year underway it's more awkward than ever. The girls are starting to develop a secret friendship, that seems dysfunctional and unnecessary.

I know I have to say something but I'm concerned about what to say.

My main concern is my daughter feeling like she can't figure out where she went wrong. They are always together at camp and school. The friend calls my daughter but if my kid asks to hangout in real life, the answer is always no. Usually no explanation.

I was hoping to let this blow over, hopefully the girls would make other friends but it's been 6+ months since the friend told my daughter her mom discouraged the friendship.

It has occurred to me that the mom saw the messages, knows she can't be upset with me, but out of embarrassment she wants our families to be distant. I was planning on just calling it a loss and moving on, but it's been so hard to watch my daughter navigate this friendship. She feels bad, but she doesn't know why they can't be friends. This mom used to love her, and now it's so weird.

My daughter is 12 + and has a cell phone. I hate that she has one, but we told her we'd monitor her texts.

My kid's friend isn't allowed to bring her phone to camp so she's been texting her ex-boyfriend from my daughter's phone pretending to be my daughter. The friend has been texting the ex, convincing him my daughter is his best friend. My kid is super annoyed b/c she hates the ex boyfriend.

They're all just kids, but I'm thinking about this from the boy's perspective. He thinks my daughter, who he didn't get along with is now a friend.... and that feels mean, creating false support. I'm also sensitive to the fact that her friend maybe just wants to hear from her ex.

Should I say something? Let them work it out? I'm really trying to let my kid have her own experiences and navigate her social life. We learn from mistakes and hardships. I only get involved if I see messages regarding bullying or something serious. This doesn't seem that serious, and I know it's not intentionally mean, but I feel bad for this boy. If the roles were reversed I wouldn't need to know but I would def. talk to my daughter about why this could be hurtful for the boy.

I know you've been depressed for years, and now that I've had some time to reflect on what your life is like, it's obvious you stay in this depressed state b/c you deserve it. 

Being with you was a demeaning experience. You hopped on a train to attend a funeral of an ex-gf, you built a shelf for the woman who owns the spa you frequent, but me- someone who actually enjoyed your company, and cared about you, you ghost. I'm just a girl you fucked when you were bored. If I died, you wouldn't even know, and you're ok with that b/c I'm already dead to you. 

I can't think of anyone more perfect for you than your wife. You're both transactional people. But for all the trouble she is and the money she has, are you even living a life worth all the trouble? What's the difference b/w you and a scullery maid? You're not rich in any sense. You live in a basement. 

Of all the places I've seen, and lived in, your area is the most disappointing neighborhood I've ever lived in. You live in a swamp. All that trouble to live in a swamp. 

We all get back what we give in this life. I know I'm not perfect, and neither is my spouse, but at least we get up every morning and try our best. 

You and your wife are both avoiders. You waste your life making lists, and starting projects you abandon b/c your wife doesn't support you. You married a cynical person, then got upset b/c she won't promote your artistic ventures. 

When she discards you, which she pretty much already has, you'll see what a shit feeling this has been to realize someone you cared about, just discarded you when you stopped serving a purpose. I hope you realize in that moment you're not any different than your wife. 

Reminding myself, silence is an answer.

Backstory: I moved home to the east coast for 2 years and reconnected with an old co-worker. We were both unhappily married, and never cheated. We hooked up a few times over the course of 2 years, but we also became good friends (I thought). Our kids had a few playdates, he was really helpful as I transitioned into my new neighborhood.

Affair aside, my family was unhappy, so we moved back west a year ago. The AP and I continued to sext, but much less so. We kept in touch, even about platonic things, for about a year- then- poof- he ghosted me.

I've text him, and private messaged him a few times on social media. He rarely goes on and he hasn't seen my messages. I'm not going to keep talking to myself, I give up.

But- the way he ended things breaks my heart. I thought I was more than just sex. I feel stupid. I risked my marriage for a man who doesn't even have the balls to let me know he needs space. I would have respected that. He just ghosts me, like I'm not a real person with feelings. This is probably my karma. I haven't heard from him in 2 months. I can't believe I let a person mean so much to me who doesn't care about me. We both described our affair as a beautiful period between two friends who saw each other, but now I look back with so much regret. I cringe at the memories that used to turn me on.

He was just online at the same time as me- silence.

I have to work events in SJ a few times a year, i usually get a hotel as the events run late and the drive home is long.
I'd love to grab a drink with a sexy friend.
I love a man with a baby face
Lots of body hair
My age or older.
Dad bods are sexy.

I'm 5'7
38D
Curvy, tan.

I have been struggling with my husband for years. I do love him, and we appreciate each other but a lot of our fights end in him saying he feels like nothing he does is good enough for me. I hate making him feel that way. We were really young when we got married. I assumed we'd grow old together but he hasn't matured much at all. I'm starting to worry, as we're both 40, this is it. He'll just never be capable of real intimacy, and depth. There's never a bad time to make a joke (in his eyes). Are all husbands like this or just mine?

Back story: we have been struggling with a dead bedroom for yrs.
He hasn't initiated sex in 3+ years. If I really need sex and beg we will do it but he only goes down on me if i ask for it. The same 2 positions we've been fucking in for yrs.
The sex is plagued with a sense of obligation.
I have not let myself go.
We have had many conversations about what to do. He doesn't want an open marriage he says he'll see a therapist/dr. Have his hormones checked but he hasn't after yrs. Of promising this.

When i get my period, he'll remark, "thank God, i'm off the hook!"
So last night we were supposed to have sex and he said i make funny faces when we have sex and my moans are funny too. I already felt pretty unwanted before. I told him i never feel so unsexy as when i am with him.
I didn't mention ex boyfriends said my moans were a turn on and they loved hearing me get off and praise them. Honestly, the bigger issue is i still want to have sex just not with him- can u blame me?