r/parentsofteens

Phones away? Together? Separate? Curious what's normal. sometimes we watch tv together and i enjoy that. but what is new normal?

Arrrrgh I'm so so annoyed and angry right now.

Hadn't heard from my son for a bit as, like a typical teen, he hides out in his room playing Xbox all day but decided to go up and check on him as he wasn't responding when I called him. He' not in his room so I look for him.

I check my room to find vomit all over the wall and my son passed out in my bathroom. Of course I panic and shout his name and he instantly jerks up but is pale, has a red bump on his head and is slurring his words. He feels sick and doesn't want to sit up, I ask him if he's taken anything or drunk alcohol and he says no so I ring 999 and my mum to come lend a hand if needed (I'm disabled), all while he says he's ok and doesn't need an ambulance. Paramedics show up and ask him all the questions and do all the check and because they're not sure whats going on with him decide to take him to hospital for blood tests. Knowing how long the wait normally is (9hrs+) I start grabbing things whilst they take him in the ambulance.

I go in and the paramedics say they don't think he needs A&E now... and they ask my son if he has something to tell me. He keeps saying no, and the paramedic asks me what does it look like?

He turned 17 on Saturday and whilst taking the dog for a walk today (Sunday) said he wanted to test out the 'power of his beard' to see if he can pass for over 18 and buy alcohol. He gets a 70cl bottle of vodka sold to him at the local shop. He then proceeds to DOWN THE WHOLE THING and throw the bottle away before he gets back with the dog.

As far as I know it's his first time with spirits - he's had the occasional alcopop at Christmas supervised - and he said 'It's not my fault, I didn't know this was happen', literally blaming EVERYONE else and not taking accountability.

I apologise profusely to the paramedics and my mum, who has just cleaned up all the vomit, and I take his phone off him and block his wifi on everything for 2 weeks. I also get him to unlock his phone and go through his messages - I can't trust him any more apparently so wanted to see if his mates egged him on. I find nothing thankfully, but he's absolutely livid i'm going through his phone, and starts screaming at me and getting aggressive when I add longer to his phone and wifi ban for screaming and swearing at me.

I call his dad to have a word with him, he starts screaming at me whilst on the phone and dad backs me up thankfully.

Then I explain I'm going to stop talking to him about this until the morning when he's sober so he doesn't say anything he regrets (and I don't either).

This morning he wakes me up to ask for his phone to go to college with. It's locked but he can still make calls so I say no. 'what if something happens' blah blah blah - I still stick with no and he storms off after taking the £10 out of the case in case of emergencies.

10 minutes later he's back through the door saying he started walking but feels sick so can't go to college. He has practical exam this week so I basically say tough shit, go to college, and he does.

How the hell do I get him to see that what he did was his fault, that he was in the wrong, and that he takes accountability and accepts the consequences? Yes, I know teenagers are stupid, and drink alcohol etc, but what i'm most angry about it how much he repeatedly lied, and how that ambulance could have been used for a real emergency. If he'd told me I probably wouldn't have wasted the ambulances time.

He has a good heart, but i'm worried he's going off the rails as this isn't the first time he's lied to me repeatedly... and I don't know what to do. Any advice? TIA

UPDATE: When he got home from college we had a chat. Thank you all for making me see it's more important to make him feel like he can talk to me than show him how angry and disappointed I was. He has his phone back and even got me some chocs from the corner shop to say sorry (along with all the hangover remedies he could google).

Basically my son is a nightmare iv tried for so long with him and its just getting worse, his anger is worrying iv tried to get him help he never goes, he doesn't even think he has an issue he never thinks it's his fault, its always someone else's fault, he won't look for work he kicks off when I say no when he wants money and smashes the place up hes started threatening me its just getting worse and iv been fed up along time ago and didnt want to live with him, but now hes 17 im hoping theres more help, I couldn't have the heart to just throw him out but is there anything else I can do, iv had to call the police a couple of times lately and they were useless I tried explaining they basically said u cant kick him out because he lives here and speak to social services I did and the woman basically got him on a domestic violence class thing but he didnt end up going at first she she said she was at a loss if what to do and I told her how desperate I was then she came up with that class so thinking theres no point in asking them for help I really just dont know what else to do I feel like running away honestly. Any advice would be great and his dad is usless his mam went through the exact thing with him aswel and she kicked him out at 15 bc he pinned her against wall with a knife to her throat, luckily my son hasn't got physical with me but if things keep going I do worry he could its more mental with my son and the way he smashes things has me on edge constantly and him and his dad both have traits of a narcissist so not the fact they have had a bad upbringing I think they both have a few screws loose they never see that they do anything wrong its very frustrating and worrying.

was them having a job mandatory or up to them? what about summer : did they work more or less?

I tried qustodio and norton family but they are either too invasive or too easy for my kids to work around. Is bark different?

As said in the title, My son (19M) has just completed his first year of college at an Ivy-League University, and since he moved back in yesterday he has just hung out with his friends the whole day and then came home and played Minecraft with other friends. I woke up at 4:30 AM and walked past his room and heard him on the voice call still playing with three of his other friends.

Before he left for college he was also an avid gamer and played frequently at night or on the weekends and during breaks. He often stays up extremely late or all night playing with his friends. Of course I am proud of him for working so hard as he did on his studies and getting admission to this top college. He wants to break into finance and I have been pushing him unsuccessfully to find an internship in NYC since we are living nearby.

Even without internship I want him to go get a job even if it is a retail job or Starbucks or something so he can make some money and learn some skills. So far he has only worked in his 11th and 12th in an office setting as he found a paid internship when he was in high school at a local place.

How can I get him to stop playing games so much and focus on his career? If he wants to go into finance I know recruiting and skills and all need to be built early as well as network. I don’t want him to waste his summer, as it’s his last opportunity to set himself up well before he is working every summer starting from next year. What can I do? Should I keep trying or just let him find his own way/let him learn the hard way?

I just cannot find a way to accept and understand her and it may be because of our religious background but I also see other mothers be able to move on and reconcile so I’m hoping maybe some of you can give me a new outlook or help me understand? My daughter is 16. She has always been my whole world and meant everything to me and my husband. We have three children but I’ve always had stronger and closer bond with my eldest. While we are very religious and came to Canada with the idea of keeping our religious beliefs and traditions we have given her some leeway as well with allowing her a phone, to go to public school, play sports and have friendships. Our only rule and concern has always solely been around boys. No boys and no boyfriends. I was married young and while we are very happy my daughter is very smart and has high prospects and we do not want a life of bad choices for her because of getting involved with problem boys. My husband is very supportive of this as well with our daughters. However my daughter clearly has not respected this. We found out kind of when she was in eighth grade and her friend spilled to me by accident that she had been lying about what she was wearing at school and changing into other outfits during the school days and then changing back before home. We didn’t know though this was because of a boy. Then she started leaving school grounds at lunch without permission. We again assumed she was just doing this to impress her friends. We did not know about this boy until the end of the school year in eighth grade, but she assured me they were going to different high schools. We were unhappy but tried to keep it to ourselves.

The next year we found out she had been having sex with this boy and disciplined her appropriately. However she got empowered by his bad influence and claimed we were abusing her and ran away with threats to report us and obviously went with him. We have had little to know contact in the last year due to this because anytime we have reached out she continues to stand by his side. She is not doing well in school anymore and I’m concerned.
About her future. Now, a year after she has left us, I find out from mutual friends family that she is pregnant and they are planning to keep the baby. I’ve reached out and expressed my disappointment and she had no interest in hearing me out. She is so fooled by this terrible boy and his family. I don’t know how to save her.

Hello everyone!

In August I will be on a week long cruise. My cat will be 10 months at that point in time. He is on a schedule where he eats 4 times a day so we want someone to stay with him at home to follow his schedule. My cousin is 13. She already stays home with her siblings while her mom works at night. She also stayed at home while her mom went out of town. We live in a small town so safety is not too much of an issue; we are all around the corner if she needs anyone. She is responsible so that is why we are potentially trusting her to take care of the pets (Dog and Cat).

She wouldn’t have to be at the house 24/7, but it would be convenient for her to stay so her mom/grandma won’t have to shuttle her back and forth to the house at feeding times.

On one hand, I know she could handle it because she is responsible. On another hand, she is a teenager and 13. Any thoughts or opinions would be greatly appreciated!

P.S., I am not a parent so not sure if 13 is a good age for this kind of responsibility. That is why I am looking for opinions lol.

P.P.S, If she stays at the house she will be paid and all her favorite foods filled in the house.

Has anyone one found the definitive answer to that age-old question about kids and their pets?

Surely this question, stretches back to the time when humans first started domesticating animals.
The question that has confounded academics and parents alike.
If there are any archaeologists or anthropologists or scholars of antiquities out there- PLEASE FEEL FREE TO JUMP IN HERE AND TELL ME WHY?!?!
WHY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND EVERYTHING SHINY WHY ARE TEENAGERS PHYSICALLY ABLE TO GIVE THE CAT A CAN OF CAT FOOD BUT EITHER PHYSICALLY EMOTIONALLY OR MENTALLY UNABLE TO TAKE THE EMPTY CAN AWAY????!!!

Is it physics? Weather related? Can puberty affect their body’s weight bearing/balance?
Is their rapid “growth” causing the inner ear to give them Vertigo? I’m begging the Reddit Gods to send me the answer!!

15 yo girl is unwilling to help much at home. How do you convince them? I am sick of this toddler attitude. Apparently none of her classmates do chores lol😂 so why should she? Ok, she cleas her room and maybe washes up once a week. Also, washes the blender after using it. I still have to remind her though. Anything extra is like nope. Why are they so selfish?

How far would you let your 14 year old daughter walk by herself?

I ask bec I’ve been letting my daughter walk a mile to the local shopping center. She usually buys some snacks and walks back home. Occasionally her 11 year old brother goes with her.

To get to the shopping center she passes a playground, baseball field, houses, etc. Theres also a wooded area, which I tell her to avoid.

She has her phone with her obviously and texts throughout her walk and of course the phone has a tracker.

I know that one of her friends parents is extremely judgmental towards other parents who give their kids freedom. This is an extreme family though that allows absolutely no freedom at all for their kids.

What do you think…am I giving too much freedom?