r/parentsofteens

My daughter is 15 and recently got her first boyfriend. They've known each other for a few years and now go to the same high school, but have only recently decided to become a couple. I am fond of the guy so far. She mentioned that they have each other's location on Life360. I find that concerning. When I was 15 there was no internet(availableto the public), so the idea of constantly tracking each other feels excessive to me. Should I be concerned, or am I just not used to this level of transparency? Is this normal in modern teen relationships?

Number one lil human has been demanding a phone for a few years now and we've fought against it seeing it not as a positive thing for her but she's going into Secondary now and has to get the bus alone so we kind of need one now. Dumb phones are out because she needs WhatsCrap for chatting with her friends and Cousins which means she's open to the Internet with a regular smart phone. Besides helicopter parenting has anyone else gone down this road in the last few years? Any pit falls, recommendations? I don't want her to get addicted to the negative aspects to social media and dopamine hit doom scrolling at an early age

Should I be concerned?

My daughter is 15 and recently got her first boyfriend. They've known each other for a few years and now go to the same high school, but have only recently decided to become a couple. I am fond of the guy so far. She mentioned that they have each other's location on Life360. I find that concerning. When I was 15 there was no internet (available to the public), so the idea of constantly tracking each other feels excessive to me. Should I be concerned, or am I just not used to this level of transparency? Is this normal in modern teen relationships?

Anyone whose has dealt with teens, please give me your words of wisdom. My son is 15, almost 16. He spends 90% of his time in his room besides a walk he does every evening and meals/bathroom.

He’s developing tech neck from ps5 and phone usage. He says he’s not depressed but doesn’t want to communicate. He eats whatever he can get his hands on (yesterday it was two small boxes of cereal by 5 PM- nothing else). His father had a gaming addiction that cost him his family (me and my son), his sanity, his ability to be a normal human being…and I’m afraid my son will follow in his foot steps.

I encourage my son to go meet friends and be active and social. Outside of his phone and gaming buddies, he has zero interest in making plans or meeting people.

During the school year, he’s busy with studies and does seem to have friends. His grades aren’t amazing, but he managed a B average last year.

Am I ok to be worried?

i h a 17 year old daughter who will not listen to guidance or suggestions for what her plans are post HS (she’s going into sEinor year)

she went from. saying she wants to “live in the woods “ now it’s she wants to “backpack solo”

I understand college may not be her thing but she’s living in some fantasy land and anytime I suggest looking at college, or other schools she shows no interest.

Guidance counselor at her school has been of minimal help…any suggestions??

Nobody warned me that parenting teenagers could feel a little like grief.

Not because anything is wrong.

Just because they need you differently than they used to.

The conversations get shorter. They spend more time in their room. Some days it feels like you only see pieces of them in passing.

I know it's normal. I know it's healthy.

But sometimes I still miss the little kid who wanted to tell me everything.

Does anyone else struggle with this stage?

My wife and I have two sons, 14 and 15. During the school year, we made them go to bed early enough that we'd have time for sex after they fell asleep. But now that it's summer, they stay up as late or later than us. They have jobs, but the only times that they're ever at work are when I'm also at work.

How do you manage to find a chance to maintain intimacy with your spouse?

I 16f and my boyfriend 17m have been together 3 months now and are getting to that stage where sleepovers have been discussed,his parents are totally fine with it my parents on the other hand have said he is not allowed. I think this is unreasonable as I’d much rather be in my house where I am comfortable as I have sleeping problems as it is and anything they think will happen at night can happen in the day aswell.should I be allowed to have sleepovers in the comfort of my own home?

I’m a first time teen parent and this crap is hard man 😣. I caught My teenager vaping tonight (weed) red-handed. He’ll be 15 in Sept and a straight A student he just finished grade 9. I Really don’t know how to approach it other than losing my shit at him and grounding him from everything. So far I just told him how disappointed I am in him also for all the lying he’s done because we have an extremely open and close relationship and we’ve had this talk many times. Literally had it again last night. And he assured me he had no interest in doing it. and I caught him tonight 😑. Have you had to deal with this and if you did how did you approach it? What was the punishment? Any advice would be great thank you

My 15 yo daughter wants to show as much skin as possible; I would describe her style as provocative. I rarely comment on her clothing choice, but feel conflicted because I understand society’s objectification of women and that the sexualization of adolescents is a huge issue.

She should be able to express herself and dress as she wishes - but the reality is this does bring a lot of attention, which in turn she seems to like. I feel like I have failed her in some way because she seems to attach her worth to her looks.

For further context she is a kind and thoughtful person. she has been dealing with some isolation bullying at school, which may be a contributing factor. She also has a complex relationship with her father (ex-husband) - he tends to make a lot of comments about her choice of clothing and is sexist in general.

I’m just wondering if there is anything I can do to help her see her value beyond the physical.

Your 16 yr old child wants to date someone who lives 52 km away and there is no public transit. Are we driving the child to and from (child only eligible for G2 license in October)? Making them pay gas or just flat out saying no?

I would like to hear people’s reasoning either for or against signing up.

my daughter is 13, she has a friend (girl , also 13) that ya I think the friend is a terrible influence but I’m concerned for my daughter’s safety because of their association, and I know it’s counterproductive for me to try to ban the friend. my partner and I took the friend somewhere and she snuck away from the group with a random boy in the dark and it looked shady, then we learned more information by monitoring our daughters text messages that they were going to meet up wth people they didn’t know who the friend met online portraying themselves as boys (different boy than the one she snuck off with). All of this also coinciding with a whole other set of behavior concerns that I have with my daughter that developed a year ago (when she started spending more time with this girl).

I need a reality check- I’m wondering (a) am I over reacting or under reacting? (going alone to a mall alone for 13 year old girls might not seem like a big deal but we live in a rural area so the context might be different, (b) should I tell my concern to the other parent. my husband doesn’t want me to contact the other parent, but I would want to know and I don’t like being concerned about somebody’s safety and not reporting it. (c) is the tone of my message ok because I don’t want to spread rumors, or undermine my relationship with my daughter, or her relationship with her friends. my daughter’s and I relationship has been severely strained in the last year. Not mentioned in this message to the other parent is that we have heard rumors that the friend is “active” and uses marijuana, but I don’t have any indication that my daughter is currently doing the same (except Her mood is off the charts so I was thinking that maybe she was doing drugs with mood swings and withdrawing from sports that she used to love but no other physical evidence). I also know that I need to keep talking to my daughter about what her responsibilities are and behavior expectations. It’s really hard because leading up to this event last month I can’t even get in the same room with her. things came to a head at the end of the school year when we were fighting about doing chores, she lost phone privileges and decided at night to go for a walk unannounced after threatening to hurt herself and run away all weekend. she was missing for like an hour (we live in an unlit rural area with few roads and no sidewalks) and we called the police, at that time she lost phone privileges and there were boundaries around where she could go and with who, and we then monitored her phone more frequently (us monitoring her phone was always a condition that she was aware of) and learned about the plan to meet out of town strangers, which she tried to conceal by deleting text messages. after that we seem to be able to function slightly better and I also think that there is some stress associated with school that she has a hard time managing.

The issue with the sneaking off and plan to meet strangers at the mall has been problematic because my daughter even this week wanted to go with her friend to (a) fireworks out of town and I told my daughter she couldn’t go because I didn’t want her to get ditched in a strange town alone in the dark if her friend snuck away again and I couldn’t take her because I was working, and (b) she wanted to go to the mall with the friend driven by the friend’s parent (another uncontrolled environment) and I couldn’t take her because I was working. I’m not banning the friend I’m just trying to have them interact under different circumstances (ie she can come to my house, they can hang out in a group).

——-message I drafted to send to the friends parent:

Hi I apologize for the long text but I feel compelled to share some of our recent observations about \[Friend’s\] behavior that I feel puts her at risk for something bad. We think she’s a great kid and I’m not sharing out of any judgement or spreading rumors, I’m concerned for her safety. When my husband and I took \[friend\] to the fair in may, we saw her come out of a dark secluded area with a boy that appeared older than her. They had their hands all over each other, they were stumbling around and the boy was adjusting his crotch area. We were concerned that \[friend\] had snuck away from the larger group alone in a dark and secluded area because this is not safe, and by all appearances to engage in some form of explicit activity. My husband and I were not happy that we were put in that position because we felt responsible for her safety as the adults who brought her and she decided to sneak away from the group of girls she was with, and now I also feel responsible to report this situation to you. 

After this event, I monitored \[daughter’s\] phone and learned that \[friend\] frequently introduces \[daughter\] to boys who appear to be from out of town or state. I do not know how \[friend\] is meeting these boys but it seems based on the text messages like neither she nor \[daughter\] know them. There was a very concerning incident where \[daughter\] slept over at your house around may 30. In text messages \[friend\] told \[daughter\] that your husband was going to drop them off at \[large city\] mall, leave to run errands and the girls were going to meet up with 2 boys (who had out of state phone numbers that according to phone records, the girls were group texting and FaceTiming) that per text messages were staying at a nearby hotel. Can you please let me know if your husband ended up dropping them off alone at the mall that day? After we told \[daughter\] what we read in her messages, \[daughter\] explained her perspective to us but if you could let me know if he brought her to the mall that would be appreciated. The risk of the girls sneaking off with strangers that portray themselves online as boys is very serious. there were at least two other groups of boys that \[friend\] was introducing to \[daughter\] in group chats between may and early June, and it appeared that the girls did not know these boys. These boys are all different, and not including the boy she snuck away with, so that is more risk exposure. 

I hope that me sending this doesn’t come across as judgmental, I’m just a parent that feels required to share this information and concern about her safety. All of this information I personally saw or learned by monitoring \[daughter’s\] phone through their texts. If my daughter is making unsafe decisions that put her at risk, I would want someone to tell me, so I hope my message is clear that I’m sharing this information out of kindness and concern. 

I have a 15 year old daughter who has started going to the gym since last week. Everything was fine until she came home today a little worried, I asked her what the matter was, after much contemplation she replied with "There was a man who was in his 40s and he came up to me today with a Google translator, he said that he was impressed with me and wanted to get to know me more, I was disgusted because I'm cleary a child." she told him she was a minor, and also complained to the gym trainer about this suspicious man.

they said action will be taken soon enough.

I'm very worried about her safety now, because I didn't doubt a country as safe as Bahrain's would also face a similar issue. is it still okay for me to send her to the gym alone despite this incident?

My son does not respect boundaries and tends to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants to do it. It's little acts of rebellion, such as taking things to his room like snacks or the phone, even when he understands why those boundaries exist.

Today, it came to a head. He decided to take my credit card out of my husband’s wallet and spend his birthday money with it. (We opened a bank account for him, but his card has not arrived yet.) He was preparing to spend $125 on my account without my permission. He thought it was fine because it was “his birthday money,” even though that money is sitting in a separate account and he only had $100 available. He had also already spent $5.99 on a mobile game without asking.

My bank flagged the purchase attempt and basically said, “Hmm… PlayStation Network? Nope.” They put a fraud hold on my card. As a result, I spent 30 minutes on hold and another 25 minutes talking to a representative explaining that it was a purchase made within our household and asking them to please release the hold on my account. Thankfully, they had not fully canceled my card.

I’m so frustrated.

His punishment is 120 hours of volunteering and three months grounded from all electronics. Since he is underage, I now have to complete 120 hours of volunteer work alongside my already busy schedule as a mom of four.

I’m not a strict parent, but I’m incredibly frustrated by the lack of good decision-making because he absolutely knows better. I’m at the point where I just want to scream.

My 18 year old daughter wants to drive from South Carolina to Ohio to visit family 4th of July weekend about 10 hours. She has a friend going but she doesn’t have a license. My daughter has had her license for a year. I’m not sure I’m too comfortable with her driving. Am I overreacting.

This is an update on my previous post 3 months ago, as we were looking at options. Thank you to everyone who took the time to give me feedback, their experiences,advice & just send recommendations. All the love & concern could be felt. I'm humbled but so hopeful for the world 🌎 we explored all options, took the time & at the end we went for surgery. Previously, we wanted the non surgical option, so we consulted an othotist & an orthopedic surgeon. My son had an S curve with 54 degrees top & 51 degrees bottom, so the orthopedic surgeon suggested surgery immediately. The othotist suggested bracing as he feels my son could still correct it as his in a growth sprout.He was 1.83cm tall, I know this has changed because I can see after surgery that he is taller now. We also tried a physiotherapist who specializes in the scroth method, then decided to also do a second opinion on the orthopedic to make sure we had the same prognosis. The orthopedic confirmed the same solution was surgery & also wanted to fuse T4 to L1. He is a very good surgeon, calmed our fears, answered our unnecessary questions, gave us as much information, & in that consultation room, my son committed to surgery. Not by my prompting or my asking, but because he believed,trusted the surgery & most importantly, the Dr. As I have said previously, this was what I wanted: he has free will, his old enough to understand, but also he is the one that will bring his body out of recovery. The physio session was intense, I saw my son look at me & I knew he couldn't put his body through so much work and all the time it would take from his childhood. So we decided on surgery, the events that followed supported this, his surgery was approved by my medical aid, no motivation required & as he is under age so we would have had to in general. I was able to upgrade to the right plan on time to avoid waiting periods & we received full authorization. We arrived here on Tuesday for the surgery & the hospital staff were amazing. Each Dr. who is part of the process took time to introduce themselves, answer questions, and reassure us. From the othotist who is making the support brace, the anesthesiologist & the physiotherapist, they all made their way to our room. The Dr met us before theater and he placed his hand on my sons face and asked if he remembers him & is he ready, my sons face lit up he was so happy and the walk through to the last door I can enter was so easy. I knew the man going in before him would make sure he corrected and the surgery was successful. After three hours, I received a voice note from the doctor himself, saying my son's surgery was successful and his happy with the outcome. I am elated & I know we made the right choice for us. He chose his weapon. This is our fight. It's been made easy as we have had so many people on the frontline. Including prayers, messages, and calls all that love has brought us out of that operating room. His a bit tired, little to no pain and is ready to walk, his excited and I see the smile I had when he was born ❤️ this is full circle believe,trust be relentless, ask questions be daring and most importantly take the life you deserve & make it your dream life we won!

Hi, I’m 37 and I have three teenagers aged 18, 15, and 13. I have no issues with my two eldest, but I’m really struggling with my daughter.

Her dad is not very involved, but my boyfriend (who isn’t her biological dad) has stepped up and supports me in raising her. We have tried to put some boundaries in place, including a curfew of 8pm during the summer. However, she is constantly coming home late, so we changed it to 7:30pm, but she is still coming home around 40 minutes late. We honestly don’t know what else to do.

She is also constantly refusing school. She won’t get up in the mornings even when I wake her up multiple times. She refuses to go to sleep at a reasonable time and is often still awake after midnight, reading out loud, despite needing to be up at 7:30am and having a bedtime of 9pm.

She often says that we don’t trust her, but we feel like we have given her no reason to think that. We are just trying to set basic rules and boundaries, but she constantly pushes against them. She only has two main rules: be home by her curfew and go to sleep at 9pm. She says we don’t give her any freedom, but we feel like these are reasonable expectations.

We have a support worker involved who is trying to help, and she has counselling available through school, but she misses it because she refuses to attend school. Me and my boyfriend are completely at our wits’ end. Nothing seems to work — grounding doesn’t work, taking her tablet away doesn’t work, and consequences don’t seem to make a difference.

I am genuinely trying my best with her, but the situation is starting to take a huge toll on my mental health. We have tried so many things, but it feels like she doesn’t understand or care how much this affects everyone around her.

I understand she is 13 and going through the teenage stage, but the constant refusal to do anything unless it benefits her is becoming really difficult to manage. I want to be able to return to work, but at the moment I feel unable to because she refuses to get up and attend school every morning.

I’m just looking for any advice, ideas, or things that may have helped other parents in a similar situation.

Firstly I love and adore my son. With every single part of my being. My 2 daughters from another father I never saved tuition money for. They were promised money by their paternal grandmother. I saved for my son since his birth. His dad nothing. We were together 17 years till he cheated and he was a very abusive alcoholic. I have heath issues and need help with mowing the lawn. Shoveling the snow. Maybe fixing a few things. So my son moved to his dad’s place because he doesn’t want any part of helping me. His dad was the worst at this too. I’m now suffering a bacterial infection and very sick. I can’t get this kid to help me with anything. He’s so rude to me.
My toilet is plugged because I flushed something by accident. I asked if he could give me a hand. He told me to hire a plumber. I’ve given this kid anything and everything he ever wanted.
I want to give him a small portion of his money for this year and keep most of it. I need to get repairs on my house. I want to sell it. I can’t get cooperation from my kids or anyone. I want to use it to be able to sell and move. I can always use money from the sale to help in the future. Now this is the home I raised my entire family in.
I also need to catch up on bills. My x left me responsible for loans in our names. He refuses to help pay. I’m struggling. He has a great job. But doesn’t care.
Our children this generation are way to entitled and selfish. Don’t care about their mothers. Or family. Do i have an obligation to give him this money when my other 2 didn’t get anything?
Also the grandmother ended up not giving any money. So my daughters had to get loans.

My son just became boyfriend/girlfriend with a girl he has been just friends with for the past year at school. I don’t know the parents, my husband briefly met them once when they were just friends. This has only been a few weeks and they have only met up twice in person since becoming ‘official’ and it was at a school fundraiser with all their friends. Today my son wants to go hang out at her house at 11:30am. I do have the mom’s cell. Should I text her mom? My other mom friends are either really strict and don’t allow dating at all or they seem to be too lenient and unaware of what’s going on. I think I am looking for middle of the road advice. I want to give him freedom but not too much but also I don’t want to be overbearing strict. Trying to find the balance and not be a weirdo.