u/No_Zebra_2583

I’m 15f and I’ve been chatting with older men online. I know it’s predatory, and I know they don’t actually like me as a person, but it makes me feel special and mature.

To answer any questions,

1. yes they know how old I am
2. No they do not care and actually prefer younger girls
3. Most are around 30-40
4. No I don’t give out sensitive info

My parents don’t have a lot of time for me so I’m lonely a lot. My sister is an addict so she gets lots of attention, and I’m kinda just the kid that doesn’t really do much. I don’t get in trouble, I don’t do drugs or anything, I get good grades, I just like attention and validation. I like when they call me pretty, and recognize my strengths. Even if they don’t actually care, it still feels good to have someone care about me the way they do.

I don’t know what advice I’m looking for particularly, but I’m hoping for someone who has experienced something similar and wants to chat about it. I want to make sure I won’t regret it in the future.

I don’t know if this is the right subreddit to post this in, but I thought I’d give it a shot. I’m a teenager (15f), and my parents aren’t around a lot so I have no one to talk to about this. (Also, I don’t think they would react very well haha) for context, my mom works 2 jobs and does most of the housework, my dad is very reactive. I have a younger brother (13) and an older sister (23) who is an addict and takes up much of my parent’s time. I don’t see them a lot, and I don’t have many friends, so I’m alone a lot.

Recently I’ve been feeling different, and I’ve begun to start chatting with older men online. I think it’s because I like the attention and it makes me feel mature. They know how old I am and keep messaging me weird stuff anyway. (Yes, I know this behavior is not good and dangerous, I don’t give out personal information. I just make them happy and they make me feel happy too)

(Most of these men are 30-40 for anyone wondering)

I don’t know why I’m posting this or what advice I’m really seeking, maybe just a person with teens or children to tell me what they would tell their kids in this situation. I know it’s wrong but it makes me feel good. I don’t know, I guess I just want to be talked out of it. I know these interactions are predatory, and it creeps me out a little how dumb they think I am.

I would get in massive trouble if my parents found out about this, so I’m looking for someone to maybe share their experiences with this/what you would tell your teen if they were doing this. I don’t have any adults I really trust with this information in my life so this is kinda my last shot. I don’t want to regret it in the future.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, sorry if this is the wrong subreddit!!! My dms are open if you want to chat privately (:

Okay I’d like to first start out by saying, thank you to all the people who took the time to write me a message on my last post. (I don’t know if you remember, but it was the one about being Mormon and such) I have read each comment thoroughly and am very overwhelmed by the support it has gotten.

For anyone who thinks their words don’t matter, Im here to tell you that they do. Every single comment and reply left on that post has pushed me towards the update I am getting at.

After chatting with many of you about your own personal experiences, spending time with god in HIS word, NOT the word of the church, and taking some time to reflect; I’ve come to the conclusion that this is who I am.

I spent a long time reading through old texts of ours, and it made me realize how much happier I was when I embraced who I was rather than trying to pretend it wasn’t there. while I felt immense amounts of guilt typing those messages, (and reading them back), it doesn’t mean they aren’t true. I did want to kiss her that night, and I do love her. I mentioned a lot of regret and guilt in my first post after our kiss, but I left out the part where I felt truly happy for the first time in a long time. I left out the part where we stayed up all night after talking about how we wished our future could look, and the sadness after realizing it could never be. Now I know, it can be.

This will definitely be something I struggle with for a long time, but Atleast I accept it’s there instead of trying to ignore it. Baby steps I guess. We’re talking again. It’s great, she’s beautiful, I love her.

I ended my last post with a quote I saw in a TikTok, saying “you deserve sunshine.” I forgot to mention however, that I deserve sunshine too.☀️

Thank you to everyone who read this and commented such nice things, you are all amazing people. I love you all.
-M

I’m 15 years old and a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I’ve always had wrong thoughts about women, but they’ve never been as bad as they are now. I was with my friend a few nights ago, and we kissed. (She’s a girl) I felt a feeling of relief before what I had done hit me, and I started crying and went home. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since. I always knew I loved her more than anyone else, but now it is confirmed to be romantic.

What I struggle with is religion mostly. In the Mormon belief, we believe that after you die, your soul is reunited with the most perfect form of your body before you enter the afterlife. This means I will be rid of all mental illness, physical ailments, and unnatural sexual feelings. What difference does it make if I love her if all of that just goes away?

It’s like my brain knows my actions are wrong, but my heart thinks it’s right. My heart does not know right from wrong, all it knows is love. When I see her, everything else becomes quiet and my heart is filled with a feeling not even god gives me. It weighs on my mind everytime I look into her eyes, knowing that they are the window to a soul that is damned to hell. I wish I could save her, but I don’t think I can even save myself right now. I think Jesus has given up on me.

I don’t know why I’m posting this in this subreddit, or what I want out of it, but if anyone has been through a similar situation and comes out normal, please tell me how.

I think I just wanted to get it off my chest. I’ve never told anyone about what I feel, so this is new to me. I saw a video saying something along the lines of “you deserve sunshine” and all I could think was “why don’t I?”

Why don’t I deserve to be happy just because she has the same parts as me? I don’t see that. All I see is her. She has calloused hands from playing the guitar, but is always so gentle when she holds mine. She has countless lip glosses but only uses one. She loves to read and always makes me feel dumb because of how smart she is. But if someone saw us together, they wouldn’t see all of that. They would just see a girl and a girl, and we would be judged. I think a bond between two women are even more sacred than that of a man and a woman, because they can understand eachother on a level no other can. Why should love be determined by parts? It’s her character I fell in love with, not her sex. Loving her is more holy than any ordinance I’ve ever experienced, and our relationship feels almost biblical in a way. I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s so beautiful and gentle and sad that u can’t help but cry about it. She is my breeze on a hot day, and my coat on a cold one.

Even if I could love a woman, I don’t think I’d ever be comfortable being out in public with her. I’m jealous of everyone who is.

The best way I can describe it is like a garden. God is a plant trying to grow strong, but can’t seem to but down stable roots. Not because she is another plant fight for resources, but because she is the soil that makes up my life.

Every night, I listen to a song and cry while thinking about her. I don’t listen to music much anymore because every song just gets connected back to her and I get sad. While writing this, I’m listening to the mystery of love by Sufjan Stevens. Since I’m sure no one will read this, I’ll take the time to write out what I think about when I hear each lyric in the comments.

I see a lot of people in similar situations say that they wish their person was born as the opposite gender, but I don’t think I would. I love her just the way she is. What I do wish is that god was more open minded in terms of love. Since I am a woman, I was put on this earth to reproduce and raise children, and I understand I can’t do that with another woman. My purpose in life is to be a mother, and that cannot be complete. But is it really worth it giving up my sense of wholeness so a child can have a mother and a father? I guess that’s selfish of me to say.

In the end, I will marry a man. I know I have to, and even in a perfect world I don’t think I could go against my faith like that. She won’t be invited to the wedding, because I know when I say my vows I’ll be looking at her. And when I say I do I’ll be imagining her. And when I go to my honeymoon I’ll think of how much more fun it would be if she was there. At least if she’s not there, I won’t have to see the look of betrayal in her eyes.

At the end of the day, it will always come back to god. A verse that makes me feel better about distancing myself from her is Romans 1:26-27, "Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error."

I’ve been rambling for a while, sorry if some of this is incoherent. I talk to god about it, and ask him to change my heart, but it still hasn’t happened. However, I know his plan for me is good and this is a test to see if I can stay loyal to him through hardships. It makes god sad to see me sin like this. But, I am only human. Sometimes it is nice to talk to fellow sinners who understand me. I will ask for forgiveness for posting this when I realized the gravity of my actions haha.

Writing this has surely damned me, so I hope some good comes out of it. Thank you for reading this far. You deserve sunshine. ☀️

Idk if this is normal for a concert but was anyone else in that crowd crush of a merch line? The one that branched out into 5 lines but eventually just became a big blob. Everyone was pressed together and there was no order at all. Obviously it was no one’s fault, just people being pushy. Stood in line for 3.5 hours. This is the first big concert I’ve gone too, so idk if this is normal or not! Just thought it was crazy.