u/quietlyobservinglife

This is for the men in here who have had successful AP/FWB situations.

By successful, I mean that you found a woman that you were with for a period of time longer than a few months and during that time you were not also seeking “the next best thing.”

What was it about your AP/FWB that kept you engaged or made you decide you were good with them?

I am beginning to think I may be Quasimodo, but in the off chance there are some behavioral changes I could make, I’d like to give it the ole college try one more time.

ETA: I don’t think my sense of humor is made for Reddit.

Also, I’m not trying to change my personality. I’m talking about behavior- which one should change if it is an impediment to successful interactions. I was just curious if there were ways of being that men appreciated more run others.

From my experience, vulnerability or expressing emotions makes men run for the hills so I was trying to assess if it really is that dire.

Also, I have NEVER changed myself for a man. Hence- why I’ve never had a successful experience in this realm

And I’m even more embarrassed that you knew it the whole time.

You are sincerely a broken human being. You need help. You’ve wasted my time, affection, interest and I am so glad to be done with you.

I’ll never get a chance to tell you directly, but I hope deep down you already know what a POS human you really are.

My Most Recent Attempt(MRA) is finally dead in the water.

MRA was wishy washy, hot and cold and finally just dead.

Ultimately I became a booty call even though I was initially looking for an AP. And surprisingly, I was ok with that. What I needed to feel safe in something like that was getting to know a person so I knew they were safe and sane. And we did that part before the expectation shifted.

And I did get into this because I wanted to have sex, so managing my expectations seemed like a smart compromise since I actually liked this person, and I know what it’s like trying to find someone.

Alas, I think I was strung along and lied to the entire time. I definitely thought I was smarter than this at the ripe old age of “closer to death.”

It’s been years of similar situations and never finding someone long term or serious. And I’m just tired of it. I’ve done the apps and in the wild and I just don’t think it’s for me anymore. High libido be damned, I think it’s time to hang it up.

My marriage is the deadest dead bedroom. Time of death- 11 years ago. So there is zero hope of resurrection there.

If you were faced with no more sex for the rest of your life how would you survive? Has anyone else ever thought about it? I literally don’t know how to survive something like that, but I can’t hack the men out there these days. Seeking a man to have an affair with is no longer worth my sanity.

So what does one do when sex is no longer in the table?

I have been 100000% unsuccessful in my quest to find an AP. (Please note, this is not a request for any man to DM me. I delete that crap as fast as I can.)

I’ve spent several months thinking through the last 2 years of side quests and I think I’ve narrowed down what my main issue is, but I’m curious.

How would you all would define:

1. An AP
2. A FWB
3. NSA/Booty call

And depending on what you are looking for, how do you communicate that to a pAPs/FWB/NSA when you are in the midst of your search?

Edited to add: I’ve had a really wonderful AP before that checked all my boxes. It was very natural and easy to find. Since the ending of that one I find that even though I am very clear with what I am looking for, in the end the other person isn’t actually looking for the same things. I’ve identified some language that is a “tell” when men are going a long with what I say I’m looking for when they really don’t want an AP, they want easy access to a booty call. All the fun, none of the reciprocal expectations. In and out. Literally.

Just venting to get it out of my head so I can stop perseverating about it.

I’ve been on the receiving end of a slow ghost by someone I’ve been with for a bit.

I wouldn’t say it was an AP-ship, but I thought it was a little more than a booty call. In the beginning it was definitely more than that.

Anywho, we met up last week after not seeing each other since February. And it’s been SO different since. Literally crickets from him. Communication has gotten awful over several months but this week was really terrible.

So, I ended it. Better the rip the band aid off than to wait for him to block me with no warning 😂. And I am so sad now.

This is my lesson- don’t acquiesce and settle for something that isn’t what you wanted. I wanted an AP. I settled for hotel dates and good morning texts that turned into booty calls and breadcrumbing.

But truth be told, I don’t think this is for me. I think instead I’m going to just focus on dating myself and get comfortable being alone. Everything I internalize via my marriage seems to be true about me.