u/flipfrog44

4.5 years ago I (36F) was in a miserable marriage in a big, glamorous city. I made a post on a sugar daddy website saying my husband was out of town for 10 days and I wanted to live a full-blown fantasy. Many men replied, but there was no contest, it was "Joe" (56M).

When we met in-person, from the first moment we locked eyes... I've never experienced a "love at first sight" with anyone before or since.

Our erotic connection is off-the-charts, and so is our mental, emotional and spiritual connection. We just hit it off in every possible way from the very beginning, and the connection has only grown stronger...

At that time, Joe was separated from his wife of 30 years.

Somehow, through our conversations about our spouses and families, he decided to go back to his wife.

I said I supported him, but I also said: What if you could have it all? Go back to her, and we'll keep seeing each other a few times a month...

And that's how it played out for 2 years.

Then my miserable marriage finally ended and I moved out of state.

Somehow, the affair didn't end. Joe stayed closely important to me even through the distance. Then we started seeing each other again, though much less frequently.

For the last 2.5 years, we've only seen each other once every few months. But the connection is stronger than ever. I tried to end it - twice - and he's fought to keep me in his life. He even had what he called a "near destruction event" with his wife earlier this year, and he took space away from me, but returned confessing he can't detach from me.

From what I've ascertained, theirs was never a very loving marriage, but not miserable either, just flat, stable, probably boring but reliable. He's attached to his identity as the successful businessman with wife and (now fully grown) kids, the weekend familyman with the big house that hosts extended family gatherings, and she's not only his oldest friend but also his rock for that identity.

Meanwhile, I've been dating, but no one I meet matches the connection I feel with Joe, and I just feel like, what's the point?

In 2 weeks I will see Joe again for the first time in months.

We've never talked about changing our arrangement. Never. In fact, the opposite: I've been like an "ally" supporting that he keeps his family together. But things have changed for me. I feel that I do want to be with him in a real way, and I can't keep going like this.

Maybe this is the only way to end the affair, because I think the chances are 95% likely he'll tell me, "I'll never leave my wife," (he's said those words before.)

Maybe I'm just venting, or writing to organize my thoughts... Please share comments, advice, suggestions, reality-checks... what would you do if you were me?

Trying to keep this as anonymous/vague as possible for legal reasons - really need advice here, please help.

I work in a field where I help people. I'm very smart and very good at my job.

Recently a very large company with a HUGE platform hired me to provide trainings (certificate programs) in my modality to their community. I don't currently have much of an audience, so this comes with some major perks:

• a captive audience = warm leads
• institutional credibility & authority
• professional relationships with their other consultants who are amazing people
• accelerated personal brand building (i.e. Within my first few days with I had 100 new followers on IG...)

But the contract is super exploitative, and the pay is shit. The company made $XXMM last year, but is only paying me $2,000 for an evergreen asset upon which I will get no royalties. Which I've already put over 40 hrs of work into creating, which instantaneously became their IP.

The CEO has already proven multiple times that he has no integrity, he'll say one thing and do another, he doesn't honor his word and doesn't even wince over breaking it. He'll say what needs to be said in the moment to placate people but ultimately he's self-serving and untrustworthy.

He's a very charming and charismatic multimillionaire (conman) who admires Jeff Bezos and his hoarding of billions, and believes avoiding taxes is something to be proud of.

At the same time, he actually is doing a lot of good for the world, unequivocally. The programs he produces do in fact help people learn, grow, develop, heal, etc.

Are the benefits described above enough to make this risky business worth it?

I have no doubt I'd be giving my value away for a penny on the dollar (or *literally* less), to someone who would screw me over the first chance he got and not bat an eyelash...

But I think/hope that if I proceed with caution and eyes open, I can exit safely after juicing my battery up on the perks. Or is that naive?

Please someone give me advice.