u/AudienceVarious4190

my exams are ongoing so idk abt my percentage

i plan to join the offline batch with residency for my neet drop how is the class and hostel ? i coudnt get much info about darsana from reddit so im making this post

anyone who studied there can share their opinion pls

this is not the subreddit i wanted to post but im low on karma so i cant post it in the subreddit i wanted to post so yeh down vote me if you want i dont care

I feel jealous of the kids who enjoy their life without having a care in the world , meanwhile me struggling to cope with this bullshit every day 

I feel jealous of the kids who parents love them not the love based on the food or cloths or shelter they provide but rather the sense of security , the emotional support given to the child and oh i also feel jealous of the parents who UNDERSTAND the child 

Who the FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO SHARE MY ISSUES WITH ? TO THE MIRROR TO THE WALL OR TO A NON EXISTING PERSON ? 
The people who gave birth to me expected only one thing  from me , the marks i get thats the only thing they expect from me the wanted it to flex to every damm person “ my daughter got 98 percentile “ fuck everyone who says it do you understand what goes inside the childs mind cause of the fucking pressure you give on them ?? 

I have a lot of regrets in my life and one of them is choosing science just cause its was her decision and i felt into the manipulation i wish i stood in my decision against them when i had the chance to than people pleasing them 

The urge to just end this bullshit and run away is heavily increasing in my mind , whenever i see a loving parent - child relationship i feel jealous of the child and complain to god of what did i do in my past life to deserve these people as my parents 

I am tired i wish to just end this , no i wont end my life its useless ending my life for these pressure they build on me but i wish to end this burden they kept on me 
A childs education is the necessity of the parents and then why am i hearing them complain about how much they spend on my education , i constantly hearing complaints about how much he spend for my fee in school , how much he paid for my coaching

Do you think i am not trying enough ?  i reached my breaking point and with tears in my eyes i am writing this I AM DONE WITH ALL BULLSHITS THE NEET FUCK IT THE EXAMS FUCK IT 

Who am i supposed to vent my things to , you guys come up to me and share all the things in your life , how the work is struggling , how your co workers are pulling your leg , how troublesome the life is for you 
But when i try to vent you say me thats how life is supposed to be or why am i saying you this 
Then who the heck am i supposed to share my stuffs with ? your my parents you guys made me so take the damm responsibility for it 

Every single day i question god asking him why did i get these parents , even tho i dont get an answer back i still ask this question every day 

The parents who flex their children's marks should be beat with belt , IF YOU WANT TO FLEX MARKS YOU HAVE TO EARN IT SO BETTER WRITE THE EXAM YOURSELF PUT YOURSELF IN YOUR CHILDS SHOES AND THEN FLEX THE MARKS  

Sure i have failed my 12th and sure i failed my compartments as well is it the end of the world ? Is it so important for you to constantly remind me that I failed my boards ? Did I lie to your co-workers ? then why the heck am i suffering the consiquences while you enjoy the privilege and dont even feel a little bit guilty for how you fucked up my life ? 
why do u make me feel that i did something wrong when in reality i begged you for tution instead of these fuckass coaching and when my marks came out everything is my fault none yours

Till i die or till they die or when someone 12th marks are published no matter what happens in my life i will have to hear from their mouth of how i failed my grade what kind of pleasure do they get by making me feel hurt from their words 

I AM DONE OH AND IF YOU STUMBLE THIS WRITTING AND PRETTY SURE YOU WILL BLAME ME FOR WRITTING THIS THAN FEELING GUILTY OF WHAT EVERY YOU DONE TO ME ( THE SAME WAY YOU SHAMED ME FOR WRITTING MY OWN PERSONAL DIARY ) SURE I APRICATE YOU FOR YOUR THICK ASS SKIN AND DONT FEELING GUILTY YOU GUYS SHOULD BE STUDIED IN A RESEARCH CENTER AND YOU FAILED AS A PARENTS AND EVERYTHING YOU CAN IMAGINE TO BE AND TILL THE LAST BREATH I TAKE I WILL HATE YOU NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS AND I WILL NEVER BE LIKE YOU CAUSE IF I DID THEN I FAILED A ROLE MODEL AND AS A PARENT TO MY CHILDRENS 

I WILL RAISE MY CHILD WITH LOVE UNLIKE WHAT YOU GUYS DID TO ME I WONT MAKE MY CHILD QUESTION THEIR OWN EXISTENCE UNLIKE I DID I WILL ALWAYS BE WITH MY CHILD IN LOWS AND UPS UNLIKE YOU GUYS 

 YOU CALL ME AS ANGRY AND MAD RIGHT YOU ARE THE REASON I BEHAVE THIS WAY YOUR IMMATURE AND WONT LISTEN TO MY CONCERNS AND BLAME ME FOR REACTING DO U SEE MY REACT THAT WAY WITH OTHER THAN YOU , DO YOU ? 
THE MOMENT I STAY AWAY FROM YOU IM RECOVERED EMOTIONALLY AND MENTALLY 
AND CHILDRENS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO LISTEN TO THE ADULT PROBLEMS IF YOU GUYS HAVE ISSUES SOLVE IT YOURSELF THATS YOUR FUCKING ISSUE NOT MINE FUCK ASS SAINTS 

FUCK YOU ALL 

( this was a note i wrote tdy for my digital diary and i honestly tired by writting it so i thought to post in here so yeh )