Nobody warned me that after quitting, I'd sometimes feel completely fine and then randomly get hit with an insane urge out of nowhere. No sexual thoughts. No trigger. Nothing. Just suddenly your brain goes: “hey remember that thing we used to do?” 😂 It makes me wonder if urges ever completely disappear or if you just stop caring about them eventually. What has it been like for people who are 6+ months clean?
This sounds stupid but I think this might be one of the biggest things porn did to me. The second there was nothing happening, I needed stimulation. Waiting for food? Porn. Lying in bed? Porn. Had a stressful day? Porn. Even when I wasn't particularly horny. I just couldn't sit with myself for 10 minutes. Has anyone else noticed this after quitting? Like you're slowly learning how to be bored again.
I thought Day 4 would feel better than this. Instead it feels like my brain keeps trying to bargain with me every few hours. It tells me one peek won't matter, that I've already proved I can stop for a few days. It's honestly kinda scary how convincing those thoughts sound in the moment. I didn't give in today, but damn it was close. Some moments i caught myself reaching for my phone without even thinking.
The weird part is I also noticed small bits of clarity coming back. Music sounds better, I'm paying attention to things again, and I don't feel as numb all the time. Then five minutes later my brain throws another urge at me like wtf. I guess this is just what Day 4 looks like. I'm still here, still fighting, even if it dont feel pretty. Anyone else remember what Day 4 was like for them?