It's day 2 after closure and day 15 of No contact, if we don't count the final message I sent. I still get her memories sometimes, not all the times, because she broke up with me 3 months ago and then still kept talking to me as my girlfriend even though she kept hanging out with other boys. So yes, her memories have settled down a bit.
I still wonder where I went wrong, and what happened. Was I boring ? Was I too much or too less ? Was I wrong for imagining and being consistent in the relationship to make our future that we both dreamed of possible ? I know she dreamed of it too, but her actions didn't match her words. I was always blamed for everything, even though she was the one hanging out and going on dates with other boys while keeping me too.
I understand she was dealing with mental stuff and it's her exploration phase since she's just 1 year from being 18, but it doesn't justify hurting me so much and then blaming me for everything and going man. She's still getting tagged by playboys who just want to use her for her body while I treated her personality and soul and body like a sacred place I was meant to protect. I never once lusted over her in a bad way, as in me just wanting to use her as an object. I respected her man. And she used to say she loved me that much more because of this. But I guess I was boring. I did everything she wanted her man to do, and she still posts about how she wants a man who does this. I used to do it all, but okay. I understand.
I'm starting to shift towards my studies and exams now, and towards that dream bike I always wanted. I'll be moving her photos from my phone to my laptop and making them a zip file so I don't have to see them everyday. I honestly am starting to detach and that's the part I hate most. But it wasn't healthy for me, it required me to shrink myself. And I did. Begged her to stay for a long while. But I have no regrets, gave my best so I can walk away knowing I loved truly and was always 100% loyal. Never let another girl even enter the picture. Never. I won the I love you more battle in the end.