u/Aus_tin0630

I’m back from the last time I posted I failed again I relapsed with lust. I saw the ghost from my past today I felt alone scared I tried to run away but it was to late. I failed I’m truly a bad person. I read the bible I praise god day and night but I can’t save myself. I’m a monster I just want to be something in life. this whole journey started back in may I said would stop but I haven’t. I wanted to get disciplined go to the gym and be a better person and god gave me those things and I still failed I feel like I stabbed him in the back. i feel every time I’ve done this I always think why did god allow me to gain a conscious why me. I had autism bad and one day it clicked .but was it worth it some days I wish I was still autistic and wasn’t alone scared and filled with anxiety. I just want a conversation who’s been through this I thinks that’s what I need more than anything pls help out I’m sorry for what I’ve done I pray god forgives me.

My name is Austin I’m 16 and I come to you today with a heavy heart, asking for a conversation and for help. I have been struggling with lust for a long time, and it has left me feeling lonely, ashamed, and like a terrible person—honestly, like a monster.
I feel like a bad person because I prayed to get bigger, to go to the gym, to get taller… and now it feels like I stabbed God and Jesus in the back. I asked for strength and growth while I was still trapped in this sin, and the weight of that hypocrisy is crushing. I keep seeing the ghost of the past that started it all, and even three months later it still haunts me. Because of all of this, I feel like I’ve ruined my chances at achieving anything—like I’ve already failed before I could even begin.
I have gone to confession. I have read the Bible. I have prayed—sometimes desperately. Yet the same battle keeps returning. At the same time, deep down I still believe God has given me a bigger purpose—something more than this cycle of falling, shame, and self-hatred. I don’t want to stay stuck. I want to fight this lust and the loneliness that feeds it so I can live that purpose instead of feeling like I’ve destroyed it.
Please, can we talk? I need guidance, accountability, and help to beat this. I don’t want to keep fighting alone.
Thank you for listening.