u/AuthorIrisDrystan

this is my opening chapter. i’m writing a prologue but this still needs to be effective as a hook. pls lmk!

“Order prevents chaos.”
The repetitive murmurs of the congregation echo off the mossy stone walls. My hands twist in my lap. I swear everyone’s eyes are on me, alone in the front pew, dressed in the loud skirt Saevus picked for me today. The red and orange lights of the sunrise shine on my skin through the stained glass windows, but they have a different effect on Saevus.
A holier one.
“The Amastye Empire wants to control the world,” Saevus’s voice booms, hands folded before him. Linens drape his form in the same bland tans and whites as everyone else, except it doesn’t have the same effect. He feels larger than the room we’re in, larger than anyone in it. “This is not ‘order,’ or ‘peace,’ or any lie they try to sell you. It’s a way to squeeze everything possible from you. It’s greed.”
“Greed begets death,” we repeat back to him in unison.
He nods, satisfied. A slight smile touches my lips, my hands stilling in my lap. Intense brown eyes fall on me, and I straighten despite myself. Gods, I wish he would let me bring Ophis to the chapel. What’s wrong with having a snake in my lap during a sermon anyway?
He lifts one hand, gesturing. My heart slams against my ribs but I rise, smoothing the folds of my skirt.
Every eye is on me now, no doubt about it. There’s a dull pressure under my skin, a restless rushing of sparks in my blood. My hands shake. They’re used to having cool scales to hold onto. 
I need to get it together.
The ceiling here is too high, the windows are too tall, and Saevus is still watching me with those eyes that could see every doubt I’ve buried for him. 
He is our savior. Up there on the podium with a scrappy mural behind him, with the peeking sun streaming onto his skin, he’s salvation realized.
If only my body knew that, too.
“Elowen,” he says, voice warm but still carrying across the space as he welcomes me onto the podium. It’s different up here; I can see why he feels so powerful. A warm hand, quiet in its deception, falls onto my back. His attention turns to the crowd standing in perfect lines in the shadowed audience. “Today is Elowen’s birthday. You will all come to celebrate tonight around the fire.”
My cheeks warm in slight irritation. Is he embarrassing me on purpose? Here I thought he was calling me up here to commend me for my acts around the compound, not force everyone to celebrate a day I despise. My smile twists in displeasure. 
“You are dismissed. Doubt your doubts,” he says as he finishes his speech. 
“Doubt your doubts,” the crowd repeats. Bumps crawl across my skin.
The congregation files out of the back door just as the sun peeks over the trees, rays of hesitant light streaming into the chapel. It’s like even it doesn’t want to touch this place.
I tilt my head up at Saevus as the last man shuffles from the building. “What was that?” I ask him, chewing on my lip.
He cups my cheek with one hand. The warmth I lean into contrasts the sinking feeling that accompanies his touch. “It’s your birthday.”
My frown deepens. “That’s not an answer.”
“Sure it is,” he says, his smile tightening, as if that’s the end of the conversation. He drops his hand, the heat going with him. “Twenty is a lovely age. Should be celebrated.”
“Twenty doesn’t mean anything,” I mumble anyway, stepping off of the podium. He’ll follow, he always does. “Nobody else gets birthdays.”
“You are not everybody else.” Gods, I hate when he says that. 
“Just because I’m your—”
“Ellie.” He turns me towards him, tilting my face from my jaw. My breath stutters, the heat of his skin almost enough to burn. “You’re getting a birthday. You don’t get to argue about it. Do you understand?”
My face flames, heat spreading as my skin only grows warmer. I hate when he scolds me like a child. He told me we were past that. “Fine.”
“Good girl.” Turning my face again, he presses a soft kiss to my jaw. An odd chill washes over my body. His hand freezes its descent down my neck, hands hesitating like he notices, and my muscles nearly lock up. Gods, please don’t notice. I work to keep myself still and pliant enough.
He says nothing about it.
Instead, he slides his hand from my neck to my lower back again. “Come. Let’s have breakfast.”
My exhale of relief is also kept to myself.
As he leads me out of the chapel, I wonder if he’ll let me have meat today, since it’s a special occasion. Saevus tells me protein is just difficult to come by since the empires take everything for themselves. It’s not surprising, since that seems to happen with most things we need.
The compound is already busy with movement, crawling with the determination of worker ants. Those unlucky enough not to be chosen for the early sermon. 
“Are we going back to the house?” I ask, shifting my eyes between a few different still-waking women dressed in the linens everyone else is adorned in. I glance down at my bare legs, and my chest aches with the longing for the same level of modesty.
He hums a distracted confirmation, pulling me out of my spiral*.* A thud hits my chest. My snake. “So I can get Ophis?” I give him a wary smile, leaning more into his space. His drilling brown eyes flick over towards me, and I exaggerate my expression.
He huffs a soft laugh. “Yes, little love, you can get your snake.” 
My smile widens in genuine glee, and I skip just a couple steps, kicking up dirt. An amused chuckle slides over me. My smile softens, and as I look up again, the grin fades. 
I lock eyes with a man carrying a sack over his shoulder. There’s bruising around his eyes, a seeping split in his lip. His gaze is entirely empty of anything that could look back at me.
Everything inside me shrinks, and my face falls once again into a flat mask of indifference.
We pass men with crates who duck their heads in respect. The small group of children yawn and hold onto each other with tiny hands as they follow their teacher towards the school. Signs litter the trails with different reminders none of us could ever forget, even without the words painted onto planks. 
The walk seems to go on forever. I turn my ring on my finger. 
“That’s a much better habit for your hands,” he murmurs, guiding me ahead of him to enter the house. “Your control is very impressive, little one. It’s not for—”
“Those it doesn’t belong to,” I finish, kicking off my shoes. “I know.”
The door shuts behind us with a resounding echo. I watch the ripples of Saevus’s shirt as his form disappears into the kitchen. 
My relief is almost a tangible thing. Alone in the small pocket of reprieve, I gather my water at the surface of my skin. I sigh, forming beads of the liquid that hover over my palms. It swirls and shimmers, drawing me in with every bit of movement. 
It doesn’t take so much focus anymore, I realize, as the beads twist around each other in a graceful dance. They should be cold enough to erase the embarrassment of that damn chapel. 
I drag my hands down my face. The water doesn’t leave, though. I push it over my skin, cooling the heat underneath. Sounds drift from the kitchen, drowning out the quietest murmurs in the back of my mind.
Doubt your doubts, I repeat instead, trying to replace the whispers.
It’s my birthday. I shouldn’t have to worry about overthinking.
Today isn’t the day for it.
Saevus knows best. I just need to remember that.