Critique my idea [High Fantasy logline]
"Desperate for money after her father becomes stricken with an illness, Alice becomes entangled in the deadly games of the elites. The target painted on her back may not be worth the risk, but fame and glory are too enticing for Alice."
I also have this version, which I don't feel too strongly about, however it may give a different perspective.
"Alice is thrust into a struggle for money and survival after her father becomes afflicted with a debilitating illness. Dreams of fame and glory, once thought to be impossible, become feasible with the formation of a partnership."
I have been thinking it over for about two days now, and for some reason it just isn’t clicking in my head. It’s always a challenge to distill your entire story into two sentences. How would you improve this logline?