u/Transky13

Hey everyone. I posted a prologue here for a fantasy story I'm writing a few months ago and got some great feedback and even had a few people add me to talk about some things in regards to it. I'm going to share the link to that post below because, obviously, this chapter builds off the prologue pretty heavily.

I should note that I did make some minor edits to the prologue - but the main one that impacts the outlook of the story is that (spoiler alert) Lorien is given a more definitive death at the end of the prologue.

"Lorien’s head struck stone as his world ended. A moment later, when his eyes were made to reopen, they were as lifeless as the rest."

Anyways this is chapter 1. I'm trying something that feels, to me, to be relatively bold. I'm switching from the third person almost mythic POV to a more personal first person POV with an (ideally) somewhat surprising protagonist. I know I received a few comments about the action density and pacing of the prologue (and also the length), and I hope the slower pace of the first chapter compliments it well.

I'd love to get any feedback you're willing to share - I know this is a LOT to read to be on top of it all so I understand if you don't want to, but if you do I really appreciate it.

Also, if anyone is interested I'm actually partially through drafting chapter 2 now. It's pretty incomplete (likely only about 30% through) but I'm trying to make things tie together well and keep a strong emotional and thematic core and I'm curious if I'm accomplishing that within that segment written.

Regardless, thanks for the feedback. It's very appreciated.

Link to prologue post

I was playing at the park with friends and two of them got into a debate about who has the better scoring bag. We thought it'd be fun to see what you guys thought. If you want to rank them I'll let them know what y'all say. If you have any tips at all that'd be super helpful too! Thanks!

I hastily rushed this list together at work because I’m sick and can’t do half of what I’m supposed to be doing and am bored. I’m sure I ranked some things incorrectly but I was operating in a rush and off of vibes. Here’s context, I recently started reading again after about a 12 year hiatus. Some of these rankings are off memory from when I read when I was younger. I’m excited to see just how bad you think my takes are!

Also, I’m currently actively reading Waybound. I’m about 60% through. The ending will likely change the placement.

EDIT: For the record, my list is meant to convey that anything B- and above I'd recommend