How to use ERP on fearing that I may act on urges. (TW: Pedophilia)
For some background information: I started having pedophilic thoughts when I was 16 and always brushed it off as either POCD or hormones. Recently however I have started to have anxiety about these thoughts. I have made a post in this sub previously when I felt the need to confess to my mother. I am unable to access an OCD specialist without my family finding out and even If I could or told them about this my family is already struggling as is to pay bills. I believe that a psychiatrist has previously said that I have General Anxiety Disorder.
Lately I have been looking into ERP for trying to self treat it. I feel like I would be able to accept the possibility of me being a pedo since I know that attraction is different from actually harming someone. However recently I had a very strong urge and I feel like I was actually considering acting on it until I remembered other people were around. Since then I have had a fear that I will act on the thoughts. I do not plan on acting on the thoughts and I didn't make any move to act on the thoughts, but the fact that I feel like I was considering it scared me and now I've started seeking reassurance despite knowing that reassurance is bad.
How would I handle the fear of me losing control and acting on these urges with respect to ERP. It seems like most stuff I see online talks about ERP for POCD with the idea that the person doesn't fear that they'll act on the urges and only fear the idea of being attracted to children.
Please no reassurance.