My friendships feel like tasks.
This might seem like a first world problem haha, but bear with me. I grew up with little to no friends - and my best friend was a huge bully. Even after years of no contact, my nervous system is still wired to expect jealousy, cunningness, selfishness from even my closest friends.
That said, when i distanced myself from her, i found many great friends. Currently i have about 20 or so friends. I talk to atleast 2-3 people daily (aside from normal social interactions like uni) and i'm burning out. None of them are bad friends, it's just i think they don't realise just how many people are talking to me/sharing their stuff on a daily basis. I love them, i don't want to lose them. But how do i regulate this contact? Even if i limit my contact to only once/twice a week, I will still have atleast 2 people i will have to "cater" to daily. It feels like a task. Even with the people i love the most. I spend half my day in college, and in the other half, i'm spending 2-3 hours on calls/texts. It's draining me to the point i wake anxious thinking "who do i have to call today?" "Oh, i didn't meet her last week, I've to make it up to her today"
Anyone who's not 19, and knows a thing about this or two? :)