u/Automatic-Bus-5269 — reddlx

My sister is living in Hyderabad in a 3bhk with 2 other girls. My semester has ended and I wanted to visit her for a week since it's been a year since I met her or went home. So I asked my sister whether to visit her or not and in the beginning she said you'll have to cook food for yourself here, I'll be busy etc. but still I was okay since I really wanted to see her.

Then I said I can't wait to visit you since you have AC. I live in hostel and there is no ac here and it's just soo hot so I was happy to get AC for a week. Then she finally told me that her roommate won't allow me to come to their flat and they have an issue with it. That they even tell her to not turn on the AC uselessly as the bill is high and hence she also stopped using ac all together. There are some issue like they put everything in Splitwise and even let my sister pay for their friend's share in common outings.

This led me to a discussion where I said why don't you just ask them atleast once. I'm your sister and it's ok if they say no but atleast ask them, that I really wanna meet you but it's ok if they refuse. She said that she doesn't want any kind of confrontation and that I should be more understanding of her situation. I said how just talking about it is confrontation and that if they are atleast cordial then how can they not even talk about it. If even discussing about is issue then maybe she have bigger issues.

My sister in general is like this. Even though she earns such good package, live in a good society, pay good rent and still she doesn't say anything when things bother her. Same happened with a colleague who was crossing boundaries with her and when I asked her to tell him to fk off, that time also she got angry with me that I don't understand. Maybe I don't coz if something is bothering me I tend to speak up. Maybe it doesn't solve the problem everytime but atleast I have peace that I stood for myself. I just want her to have boundaries in her personal and professional life.

Now both my mom and sister are labelling me as unreasonable and just an angry brat who wants things her way. But I'm not. I just wanted to meet her and it's ok if they won't allow but I just wanted her to ask them atleast once instead of straight up refusing and saying she doesn't want confrontation.

This reminded me of how I used to talk back to everyone who used to badmouth my mom and then getting scolded from my mom herself about how I don't know where I stand. All this is just leaving a bad taste for me and making me emotional. Atp I don't even want it for myself but just for my sister to speak up for herself. All this reminded me why I didn't visit home for the past year. Am I really being unreasonable ? This is making me question everything. From my childhood I've been told that I'm unreasonable and that I want everything my way from my family. I was away during my teen years so I'm kinda different from them. From that time only I realised if I don't speak for me then no one will since I had no family.

I have a good friend circle. Supportive friends that are there since 10+ years. Even now I don't have a hard time making friends and no one ever calls me unreasonable. But still I feel like what if one day they see me the way my family does and they realise I'm not who they think I am. Since I was a child my mother and sister used to tell me how I'm good to outsiders/my dad and bad to them. All this led to me having spiral and doubting everything.