He had tried to initiate with me in a very awkward way and I rejected him.
He started paced back and forth a few times and left the room. I called him back and we really fought. I am having a hard time remembering it all because of the emotion.
I can see now that it wasn't about this one rejection. I was mad because he seemed to be melting down over a single rejection. He told me that he can't remember a single time I had accepted his advances in the last three years. Honestly I don't think I had. We have still been having sex but never when he initiated.
Some things were said that I remember:
Me: I don't understand. If you reject me I would just say "no problem".
Him: The first time, yes. What about the fiftieth time in a row?
Me: So am I not allowed to have control over my body anymore?
Him: Of course you are but if you don't find me attractive then just say so and set me free.
Me: What you were doing I doing I don't find attractive and I don't even see that as initiating.
Him: Okay, well that's fair. I know why I did it and it's because I have no confidence to initiate properly anymore.
These things were all said at very high volume. There was more but I don't remember it all. I started crying and he said "you don't get to cry over this, I get to cry over this". I screamed. He stormed off.
I didn't even realize what I had been doing. When we calmed down he said that makes it even worse and that he had become irrelevant and invisible to me.
I thought we were doing okay. He is a good guy and I do find him attractive, I just have a hard time switching into the mood when I have things on my mind. I didn't realize what was going on inside him. He had raised it last year I guess but I am an idiot.
Is this fixable? He has gone ice cold. After the fight he stormed off to the garage for a few hours. I tried to make it up to him by having sex with him and he went through the motions. Since then he has been a shadow of himself. He won't even look me in the eye. There isn't much more than transactional conversations.
Tldr; How do I fix things after a big fight about sexual rejection?