Mishearing conversations
Does anyone else sometimes mishear conversations? Or just not fully hear what’s being said and then you fill in the blanks, especially if the person isn’t facing you and you can’t see their lips? And when adding loud music in the background?
When I was in the middle of psychosis or the incident that I see as the start of it all I thought I heard someone say something untrue & criminally bad about me while they were behind me. But even in the moment I wasn’t really sure what was being said but I think since I was super high off concentrates (weed) and beginning to enter psychosis I just created a false memory, but even that night I was like yea I probably misheard it. I’ve had this mishearing thing happen of benign stuff that wasn’t persecutory in nature.
It then spiralled after that and I thought I heard other people in my music scene saying similar sorts of things about me and started thinking I was cancelled etc and started thinking random people in the neighbourhood were saying these things about me which is obviously delusional (I would hear one sentence in a convo and automatically think it was about me)
I didn’t really talk to anyone about it as I kinda thought “hey this could be psychosis” and the few friends I spoke to said they thought the same. I was confused why no one was directly confronting me if they thought these bad things about me so I was probably acting weird (and in psychosis) so people were reacting weird to me and it created this self fulfilling prophecy which got worse and worse and eventually I got more and more delusional to the point I thought I was being investigated/followed by the police.
I don’t think I’ve ever heard voices, probably once or twice while super high but it’s hard to tell as I live in apartment and you can definitely sometimes hear neighbours conversations if it’s late at night but it just sounds like a mumur and only sometimes you can make out some of the words. I know it’s real as if you go outside it’s louder and you can properly hear it. One or two times though I thought I could make out the words so I think I was either hearing a voice or my brain was hearing the mumur of someone speaking and was filling in the blanks.
Haven’t been diagnosed with schizophrenia and don’t really relate to most of the symptoms (most people who have it appear to think the same lol😅) but was given cariprazine and it helped at first but made me so numb and almost gave me a druggy feeling, people kept asking if I was on something? I have been off it a week and feel ok and ‘out of psychosis’ without anymore delusions. Whilst it helped I also felt like the medication wasn’t letting me move on, like I was still believing in some of my delusions whereas now I don’t, and went out this weekend off the medication without thinking people were talking about me, whereas before on the meds I was still holding onto a few words phrases I’d hear and thinking it was about me.
Never had proper visual hallucinations like people describe but I’ve also done so many psychedelic drugs over the years I kinda gave my self hppd that comes and goes after doing acid too much at 18. But yea never touching psychedelics or weed again unfortunately which is going to be tough, I mostly don’t enjoy alcohol. Even cbd isolate seems like a risk based on this sub :/ ketamine actually took away my paranoia the last time I was in psychosis but kinda makes me manic.
Anyways has anyone had similar experiences or can anyone relate to this word vomit (hopefully it doesn’t qualify as disorganised thoughts 😅)