u/Automatic-Price-3475

She’s 18 and pregnant

Honestly don't even know how to start this because I'm still in shock.

I met this friend at the mosque. She was very modest (she still is a hijabi), prayed regularly, and we used to talk about religion, politics, and pretty much everything. I was almost like a big sister to her.

Last year, her personality changed a lot. She became rude, bitter, and just seemed like a acted differently. I started distancing myself a little because I couldn't handle it, especially because I was going through some things myself at the time.

On social media, she started sharing a lot of content about relationships, including queer relationships, and she also started saying that she was queer. We talked about these things quite a bit, and I tried to guide her according to my understanding of Islam. At the end of the day, though, she's an adult (18), and obviously she makes her own decisions.

I told her that I didn't support her getting situationships with boys (they would text but nothing more), but I never cut her off because I believe we're all sinners and that it's important to be there for your friends even when you don't agree with their choices.

I hadn't talked to her much over the last few months because we were both busy with school.

Today, she took a pregnancy test and found out she's pregnant.

I was genuinely shocked. At first, I honestly thought she was joking or pulling some kind of prank. It took me about an hour of talking to her before I fully realized that she was serious. This was literally the last thing I ever expected.

She told me that she had decided to have an abortion. I was completely shocked and didn't really know how to react. I recommended a hotline/organization that helps women make decisions about pregnancy, but she told me there's no point because she's already made up her mind and is going to do it anyway.

She hasn't told her parents, but she has friends. I advised her to be very careful about who she tells because we live in a city where news spread quickly, and I'm genuinely worried that if her parents find out, she could potentially be kicked out.

I want to help her. I want to support her and make sure she's okay, because despite everything, she's still my friend and I care about her.

But at the same time, I'm struggling with how much I can support her without feeling like I'm participating in something that goes against my beliefs. I don't want to abandon her, but I also don't want to compromise my faith.

I'm really conflicted and don't know what the right thing to do is.

Asalmu3alykum girls,

I’m in college and I have a classmate who’s a lot older than me and has a daughter. Today she literally told me “when you go home, ask your parents to help your friend who is in financial difficulty.” I was honestly so caught off guard that I said I’d ask. At first I meant it, but then I thought about it and now I really regret saying that.

What also confuses me is that she spends money on things like a newer phone (17 pro), a Mac, and she threw a big party for her 2-year-old daughter about a month ago (she told me she paid $400 just to rent the room), so I don’t really understand what’s going on.

There are also smaller things that feel off. She often asks me for my charger or a pencil, but I’ve noticed that she actually has them herself.

This isn’t the first time something like this has happened to me either. In high school, my friend asked me to ask my dad to buy them a phone and said they would pay him back later. That also made me uncomfortable, and now I’m starting to wonder why people feel comfortable asking me for things like this. (also I don't know if it's relevant but were middle-class )

I don’t want to be rude, but I also don’t want to feel used or put in situations like this.

How should I handle this now, especially since I already said I’d ask my parents? And is this kind of request normal?

Any advice would help