My 16 year old son is awful to me
I’m a mom 3 boys (16, 8 & 4). My oldest is 16 and he is so mean to me all the time. He’s disrespectful, rude and condescending towards me at least 95% of the time. I’m so exhausted from his behaviors. I’m constantly going out of my way to be nice and try to bond with him. It kills me that we have no connection anymore. I try to ignore the little jabs but he’s so extremely rude at times, nowadays I blow up because I am so sick of how he treats me. He refuses to go anywhere with me or his younger brothers. Stays in his room and avoids the family constantly. He’s always angry. He only goes out and refuses to bring friends over or let me see his friends because “I’m annoying”. Hates it if I’m in the same room or try to talk to him. It’s gradually gotten worse the last couple years from normal teen rudeness to this extreme behavior. He tells me he hates me and he can’t wait to move out so he can go no contact with me. It literally breaks my heart. I don’t know what happened or where I went wrong. We have a normal life, I have a good job and he’s always had more than most kids. I don’t drink or do drugs so he’s had a very stable upbringing. Lots of supportive family. I feel like I’m failing and I don’t even know what I did to make him feel this way. If I try to sit and talk he just yells at me. My friends and family even say his behavior is abusive towards me (he’s fine towards them). I see my friends with their kids and none of them act like him. I’m so jealous of their relationships. I just want to connect with my son. He flat out refuses therapy. He is polite and kind to everyone except me, people tell me how great he is all the time (teachers, family and friends), he does very well at school. What is wrong with me that makes me so awful?! We’ve always had a close relationship although he’s always had behaviors towards me, he has adhd and sensory processing disorder, they thought he had ODD for a bit but he was never officially diagnosed with ODD. So we’ve always had behavioral issues, we both done therapy and as a mom I’ve always done my best to understand his neurological differences, I worked really hard to parent him a healthy way. I’m patient and I don’t tend to loose my cool often but lately it’s wearing in me. He’s been so mean the last few years, I’m almost at the point I think he’d be better off without me. Dad was not around much growing up but he does see him once in a while now and his dad has talked to him about his behaviors but then he gets mad at me for involving his dad. He’s always nice to dad.
I’m so discouraged, I guess I’m just looking for advice or kind words from parents who’ve been in similar situations.