Ellam mudichukalam nu thonudhu nanbargale.
I am 28 years. Nalla qualification, nalla vela ellame iruku but I have had no relationship, no love, not one person interested in me.
I have a few good friends avungaluku romba grateful but na edhu pannalum enaku vazhkaila oru contentment illa.
Enaku sandhosam na enanu therla. Andha feeling eh epdi irukum nu enaku therila.
I studied because I feared disappointing my parents. I spent a few years as dhandasoru after college. Finally got a good paying job.
But sandhosam illa, nimmadhi illa. Idhu ipo dhan matum illa chinna vayasu lendhu. Naan vazhka edho poganum nu pannitu iruken.
I don't know the feeling or meaning of happiness and I feel like I have never felt it.
Chinna vayasu lendhe I have always had a feeling. If I die now, if I die tomorrow it wouldn't be bad. Amma appa akka ku kashtam but mathapadi onum ila nu irukum. Na suicidal ah apdina apo irundhadhu illa but ipo therila
I don't understand the meaning of living on. Grinding day in and day out. Enaku purila. Oru sandhosam na Ennanu feel aagadha na edhuku irukanum. Why should I go through the motions of life.
I know evlavo peru evlavo kashta padranga nu. Oru nalla nilamai (According to the standards of society) la Irukura na ipdi yosikirene nu enaku shameful ah Iruku.
From school, I have always been the weird fat kid. Now I'm the faker fat adult.
Body shaming, bullying, psychological abuse and ostracized by my so called friends in college. Everyday was a struggle. Toxic workplace too.
All should be going well. But I just feel hollow, unmotivated and alone in a room full of people.
Why am I alive if I don't know happiness.
Sorry for the long post
Yaartayachu sollanum nu thonuchu.
Tldr; never felt what happiness is. At a good position as per society now. Feel pointless in living
Update: please don't dm me with offers to die together and for the one who did, I don't accept. I am considering my own only and I don't want to be responsible for encouraging someone else to die.
Update 2: Nandri makkale. Naan manasu thaanga mudiyuma potadhuku ivlo encouraging people varuvanganu ethir paakala. Maybe I can hope to be happy. Maybe I can survive tomorrow. Truly thank you. But I think I have to leave this thread because 3 people have sent DM request with wanting to die together. I don't want to be a part of another persons demise. Romba romba nandri for those who took time to reply 🙏