I still don't understand
How the hell am I supposed to forget what happened? How am I supposed to swallow my pride and only fit into the future you created? I was never a part of it. The idea of me was all you saw. I hated that I tried to understand when you would talk shit about me because your dick isnt getting wet. Im so sorry that you never listened to a damn word I was saying to understand, but only to get what you wanted.
Let's face the facts, you weren't happy with me. You weren't truly ready for the baggage I still carried because I never felt safe enough to put it down and unpack it. But what i didnt understand is why you would try other times, but not when it mattered. Were you always bad? Absolutely fucking not. But when I said I lost the trust in you because you'd rather talk shit about me to your ex and see her in hopes that I never found out, that didnt matter.
When i would say I needed to have the trust before the sex, I meant it. But I also feared that I was in the wrong. Still to this day I catch myself thinking I was in the wrong this whole time. I was the broken one. So therefore, I was the one that needed fixing and needed to ignore every ounce of me screaming no when my lips said yes. Cause thats when you felt happy with me right? Not when I enjoyed you for you? Not when I'd force the waitress to get me to pay even though I had nothing to my name while you had it all.
But yet, I 'treated you like a wallet'? Im just as confused as I was when you said that. Being laid off of work for months and medical payments only drained mine. However, I still made an effort to pay for the things I could. Maybe I could only do $100 today but yet you say no. To save. Yet, I treated you like a wallet?
There were too many things that were said that contradicted others and your own actions. I didnt know what to understand. What was really you. Though, I suppose we got our answers in the end right? I guess I'll never know some of those answers. Maybe one day I'll stop wondering.