u/Automatic_Road3731

Hi all! I moved to NYC after college with a useless somewhat liberal artsy degree (International Studies) and managed to get super lucky in terms of jobs. I got a finance role making $28 an hour by the time I left and had about 3 years of experience in high volume cash applications then about a year as a credit analyst for a private company.

Due to very unfortunate personal circumstances I had to leave the city and my job very suddenly and move back home. I had to get another job very quickly and just took the first thing available - a remote cash app job at $17 an hour just to ensure I qualified for an apartment here.

How long do I have to wait to pivot for it to look okay on my resume? How do I explain a short stint? I have been here about half a year by now. I don't see moving up in this company increasing my salary exponentially in any way. Even at a dollar a year raise it would take 3 years to move up to just $20 an hour.
$17 has been a huge adjustment for me.

Is a year in credit analysis enough to pivot? Cash app doesn't have a future in my opinion as software will take it over, valuable as it has been to me.

Hi so buckle up it's a looooooong story even condensed that spans 5 years but I moved to NYC from a small town to be with my current boyfriend. I was very happy to be with him & hopeful for the future in a new place.

I want to preface and say my boyfriend is mostly a good person who has serious mental health problems that are not being properly addressed that contribute to the difficult and intolerable behavior described below.

I had little work experience being out of college with a kinda useless degree & made minimum wage at a contract role at first and then got an enormous stroke of luck. I was hired on to a company with a great salary/benefits etc in finance. I worked 9 hr days sometimes 12 and commuted pretty far every day (1:15-1:30 one way). I was micromanaged and monitored by my manager.

This manager would not allow me to take days off without difficulty. He would laugh during training if I didn't immediately know something. He would not assist with anything ever. I got comments about how I was away from my desk too often when I had a UTI once because I was leaving my computer so often. I was yelled at in front of everyone for asking questions when my manager was trying to leave for the day. I got used to life like this and even considered myself fairly happy. I was independent, far from my messed up family, & doing well financially. Hopeful.

Meanwhile the apartment I lived in was in the same building as my boyfriends parents. It was directly across from 2 hospitals and facing a busy highway. The sirens would pierce your ears, the honking would wake you up, the homeless women and men screaming for help or having general breakdowns would jar you. Emergency construction would often (yes) take place from 10 PM to 6 AM. General construction for months. Dust from construction was black and even cleaning the AC unit it would settle over our furniture sometimes.

The person responsible for maintenance was sexist and would not deal directly with me. He once told me directly to my face during a ceiling leak when asked how it would be fixed "You don't understand anything" and then proceeded to grab a bucket. Lol.

However my boyfriend would not address problems so the super would not speak to me and my boyfriend would not speak to the super & problems continued. We had a roach infestation that lasted months. My boyfriend kept saying there was nothing to be done. I had never had roaches in bumfuck. What did I know? After months of misery I came to my senses and called an exterminator. I paid for the full service myself. I usually did with things like that. My initiative, my payment. Our cabinets were ruined forever but it got rid of the problem.

Circling back to my boyfriend those 9 hr days turned to 11+ with my commute? He got done at 5. Home by 5:30. He would not do laundry, he would not clean up after himself, he would never taste anything I tried to cook for him (I am not a bad cook) I tried to make the things he liked. He didn't even taste anything. When we went to the grocery he wouldn't pick anything out. Then he would complain that there was no food and get hangry all week. Sometimes his mother would bring him groceries and say how skinny he was getting. I felt baffled guilty and at a loss. When he carried things home from the grocery he would refuse to speak speedwalk then ditch me walking back home.

He would ditch me every once in a while if I said something he didn't like at a bar (Once I complained about our lack of washing machines cause I'm used to them) and I would have to navigate home late at night by myself confused about why he left me hanging.

I have been asked to get into strangers cars, I have been called all kinds of names, whistled at, the target of pure crackhead rage. I have been followed, I have had pictures taken of me. I have even been slapped walking through a train station.

I start to tell my boyfriend I need to move closer to my job + out of this studio. I do a lot of research and house/apartment tours. Year 1 is a bust but that time was not his fault. He promises next year. Year 2 he told me he saved enough for his half of the move. I do a lot of research and house/apartment tours. We shop for places we can actually afford and what is that I hear? It's only the sound of birds chirping in the neighborhood? I see a quieter nicer place that I can live in on the horizon. When I am ready to put in an offer for one viewing my boyfriend reveals he lied and he doesn't have the $. I feel like an idiot. He knew the whole time and let me do all that work? I'm crushed. He promises next year.

Year 3 is the final year. I have started to tell my boyfriend he needs to clean up and act like an adult. I don't want to clean his hair out of the drain put his dishes away sweep under his feet anymore. I don't want to be the only one taking initiative. He never watches things I like to watch. Our relationship is deeply unfair to me. I am beautiful and in better shape than him and he makes me feel bad about myself with the comments he makes. He constantly eyes other girls to the point of it's kind of funny. I still hate it. Just look at me it's not so hard. I didn't like being around his friends all the time. The girls in the group are vapid. Some are annoying pick mes. Sorry.

One of the girls in the group is proposed to. We go to several weddings. I wonder what that is like. It has been 5 years and I have not received one. I think they must see a future with the women in their lives and love them deeply.

My job decides that my position is redundant and they move me to a new one. But in this role I am being bullied by my trainer daily. He is rude to me and belittles me consistently. I know the job soon enough but don't want to bring any concerns or questions to them. I do not want to communicate period. I miss a smaller fraud order with 1 legit email address & 1 questionable despite my gut screaming to flag it. All due to my reluctance to even speak to my trainer.

Management in the department is incompetent and provides no direction. All I really have day in day out is the trainer.

One day the manager asks me the newbie to take on a high value case (500K on the line).

I begin showing up late to work which I never do. I call off as many times as I can. I run out of PTO. I get verbal warnings. I begin applying to other jobs. I tell the manager that he needs to speak with my coworker about their behavior. Even if it ceased I hated my trainer. By this point (almost a year in) I am actually having dreams about beating my trainer up at night lol.

I am coming home daily and often crying. I am crying on Saturday nights about going in Monday. We have an apartment viewing coming up in December. I feel a glimmer of hope again. Things might get better.

For Christmas I went out after work in the dark winter to get a record player and records for Christmas. My boyfriend opens the gift. He says nothing. He doesn't open the box. He puts it in the closet.

I keep telling my boyfriend I can't do this anymore and I need help. Please help me. I am telling him I feel trapped. I am applying to places but not hearing back. I am thinking about quitting before I am fired. If bills are a problem I could work at Starbucks right?

My boyfriend quits his job suddenly without a backup plan. He had been in his new role 3 months with a similar commute now to mine. He was hired for a position that was different than what he was told. Still I am angry.

My boyfriend can't get a new job. He tells me the apartment viewing isn't happening.

I have to live in the same place another year? I couldn't. I couldn't. I really couldn't.

I quit my job 2 months later without notice. My boyfriend still does not have a job. I booked a one way ticket to my hometown. I had the funds to pay for the rest of our lease. I gave those to him and then had nothing left.

I didn't know exactly what I was doing at this point. I stayed with my parents. I decided that though I did not want to stay, I couldn't stand the thought of going back to that apartment. I told my boyfriend that I was not coming back and that he needed to get therapy and he can move here if he even wants to be with me.

I got a job within the month. I took a significant paycut and feel that my career momentum has been lost. After 3 months I qualified for a semi shitty apartment on my own since my boyfriend was unemployed. I got us a new apartment and he actually made the move here for me. I don't love being here. It's boring slow I feel less independent. I don't have $$ to spend anymore. I feel (even) uglier because I can't maintain a lot of the beauty standards I did there.

I have noticed improvements in my boyfriend's behavior. I am watching him closely. He's employed again. Despite this I've noticed comments from me slipping out. He asks me to taste soup he makes and I snap at him. Why would I since he never did for me? He asks me to watch a movie he likes? I have no desire to. He tells me I am pretty? I scoff. He complains about anything in his new place? He's not allowed to complain about a damn thing.

How can I get rid of this anger? And heal from it? Because despite everything I have hope for the future. I think that I am giving this relationship until the therapy is started and only after seeing months of consistent effort/improvement can I relax.