Beyond romance but no longer knowing how to start a relationship
I'm in an open relationship where my partner is also in a relationship.
For some time now, I've been feeling good, with a desire to meet new people.
But it's not easy for several reasons:
The openness of our relationship has led me to question the romantic script. I don't want romantic relationships because I think non-monogamy is too complex with people who are in love, passionate, and who idolize one person.
The problem is: that's how I've entered into intimate relationships in the past: it always starts with falling in love with the person. Then the relationship becomes necessary, obvious, and even the most urgent and important thing in life.
But that's over. And I'm looking for another way to connect.
Today I'm in a relationship and it's going well. Having a second relationship seems like a potential luxury that will generate frustration for the other person, since I'm already very attached to someone else.
On the other hand, I really crave a physical relationship, another physical relationship. And I feel like I'm going around in circles during dates, talking and talking, just to avoid even bringing it up, or perhaps to avoid the moment when bodies speak. It's due to a lack of experience, due to shyness. It's not my strong point; I wait for the other person to make the first move.
I probably need to learn to verbalize what I want, since it's clear in my mind, and to own it.
But what makes things confusing and difficult is that I'm afraid the other person will be drawn, against their will, into the complications of polyamory, which, in my opinion, multiplies the problems posed by romantic relationships. And even within myself, there's still an internal struggle with this (when to feel that it would be tempting and pleasant to be in love)...