u/Autumn_Apple_

Hello, I'm a 22yo transmasc (in the closet to my family), and recently my health has been declining rapidly. I keep going under massive mood switches where the smallest thing can make me have a massive crash out and the smallest of distractions can make me happy and whimsy again. I am not doing great at bettering myself matter of fact I am being dogshit at it. I'm not doing much effort to be better, and when I try I'd rather retreat in the comfort of the bare minimum and watch it rot than get out of it.

I've tried routines, selfcare apps, games, alarms, notion calendars, you name it I either bought it or made it myself. And each of them felt like a new year's resolution where it starts fantastic and then it declines with me forgetting, being inconsistent, and just giving it up out of frustration of never being able to be consistent again or the overwhelming exhaustion that I get out of it. It hurts to move too much, to shower, to put too much effort. I don't even feel like a human being let a lone a functional adult. I just feel like a husk of myself.

My mother has showed positive signs on giving me money for therapy, the problem is that she tends to be similar to me in terms of mood swings, it's like walking on eggshells and I need to find the right time to ask her where she is on one of her good days. Since I stay in an apartment close to my uni, my lil sister let me know that this month has been terrible and both work and family has been putting her under the bus so I am pretty much sold on the idea that now it's not a good moment to ask.

So I ask, how do you push it through? How can I juggle both my fatigue and my lack of consistence/memory? I'm sure selfcare checklists/apps will work but it's just me that I am an idiot that gives up the moment I start getting tired or start forgetting. So at least idk,,, some advice on how to keep pushing when I instead want to retreat back to the bare minimum (aka bed-rotting it until the last second adrenaline panic hits).