I crave connection, but I also feel the urge to disappear when I get it
I really crave connection. I want to talk to someone, feel close to them, and not feel alone all the time. When I don’t have that, I feel it deeply.
But when I actually start getting that connection, even something simple like consistent messaging or someone trying to get closer to me, I start to feel overwhelmed.
It feels like something in me changes. I begin to pull away without fully deciding to. I reply slower, I get distant, and sometimes I just disappear. Not because I do not care, but because it suddenly feels like too much and I do not know how to handle being that close to someone.
After that, I always feel conflicted. I miss the connection and the person, but at the same time I feel relieved to be alone again like I can breathe normally again.
I do not really understand why I am like this and it is starting to affect my relationships more than I want to admit.