I have a little girl, she’s 8. I’m not her biological mother but she’s been with me since she was a fresh little bubba and I’ve raised her alone.
Her dad is my ex husbands nephew. He and I had a great relationship after the ex and I separated and he was the father figure to my own kids.
He and his daughter loved each other so much and he tried so damn hard to do the right thing to get her back into his custody. They saw each other often.
He died a few weeks before she turned 2. Growing up without a dad has been so tough for her, on top of the trauma of being ‘in the system’ and taken away from her bio parents. She has extreme attachment issues with me, and with certain possessions.
My girl had left a few small items at his grave - a small laminated picture that she drew for the first Father’s Day after his passing, and 3 small crystals - one of which he actually gave to her. We visit his grave regularly, I take beautiful fresh flowers every week, clean the headstone, rake the leaves, make it lovely. The picture was generally tucked in with the flowers we’d leave.
His grandmother (who raised him), my girls great grandmother, has taken it upon herself to throw away what my girl left for him. The small yet significant items that have helped her in the grieving process. The were SO important to her. The treasures that she was so proud to leave for her daddy. She did not offer to return them. She threw them away. She did not tell anyone she was planning on doing this.
My girl was beside herself and completely heartbroken when she saw they were gone, and replaced with grandmas fake flowers. My son, who is an adult, his blood was boiling. We are really hurt by this.
In the 8 years that I have been raising this girl, ONE time has she come to see her. It’s always me making the effort for my little one to see her bio family. I’m done. The level of disrespect not only toward my girl, but to her dad also, it’s really put things into perspective.
I chose not to take her to see the g-grandmother at Easter, and I will not be taking her for Mother’s Day in couple of weeks. This happened around 6 months ago and I’m not ok with it. Yet I don’t know if my feelings are valid.