I (32M) and currently single was at my sister’s wedding this weekend and things have gotten tense since.
For context my sister (29F) was previously married for about a year when she was 24. It ended pretty badly there was a lot of arguing and from my perspective she rushed into it and ignored everyone’s advice. Our family kind of just does not talk about it now which I have always thought was weird because it happened and it clearly says something about decision making.
Anyway at her current wedding I was asked to give a speech. No one gave me any specific guidelines just say something nice. I did start nice I talked about growing up together how she used to make me terrible instant coffee and stuff like that. But then I pivoted into what I thought was a meaningful point about growth.
I said something along the lines of how we have all seen her make big commitments before that did not work out and how it is important to really think things through this time. I even added that hopefully her new husband knows what he is getting into and is ready for the long haul unlike last time.
People got really quiet but I figured it was just because it was honest. I do not think weddings should just be fake positivity.
After the speech my sister was visibly upset and told me I humiliated her on purpose. Her husband did not say much but looked pretty uncomfortable. A couple of relatives told me that was completely inappropriate and that a wedding is not the place to bring up past mistakes especially something like a divorce.
I told them I was trying to highlight her personal growth and the seriousness of marriage but apparently that made it worse. My mom has not spoken to me since and my sister says I made the happiest day of her life about her worst one.
In hindsight maybe I could have worded it differently but I still feel like pretending the past did not exist is dishonest. At the same time I can see why she might not have wanted it brought up right then.