My(36f) husband(28m) has crossed my boundaries and lied to me multiple times. Most recently he lied about being under the influence because he was afraid I'd be mad at him. I had mentioned the night before that he seemed to be under the influence a lot during the vacation we were on (without the kids). So he said he was going to stop doing it.
Well the next day we were about to be traveling home and i said he smelled like weed and he lied and said his brother was smoking near him. I said it was his breath that smells like weed and he said my breath? Like he was surprised. I said did you smoke weed? And he admitted that he did smoke weed and that he was scared to tell me because he thought I'd be mad. he has past trauma that he says it's the reason for him trying to avoid upsetting me at all costs, but I don't believe that. He said he had planned on doing it this one last time before quitting for good.
I want to leave him but my kids (his step kids) are very attatched to him and he's a great dad to them. The binder one reason I don't want to leave is because I don't want my kids to be traumatized by losing a loving and kind parent. He also helps me in many ways with my debilitating physical disability. He also supports us financially because i cannot work due to my physical and mental disabilities. And honestly i love him very very much and deeply don't want to lose him. I've never felt love like this before.
If i left my kids and i may become homeless. But he says if i want to leave he can continue to provide financial support and give me the car and apartment and he'd even pretend to still be together on days i have the kids so that they can still have him as a parent. But if we weren't together i don't think these things would be sustainable, even though he says he would still help. He said i could just tell the kids he's a bad person, but i dont want them traumatized by learning that information.
I'm truly lost on what to do. What advise can ypu offer?