u/Available-Salad2224

I was recently talking to someone who, when growing up had quite a rough childhood. So, he grew up with quite an abusive father who was emotionally unavailable most of his life and he absolutely despised him and still does.

Well, we were discussing about the future and they claimed that they kind of want to become like him, which really had me shocked. They want to be like him (obv not abusive) but more so, how he could provide for his "loved ones" financially and use it as an excuse to hate on them and be emotionally unavailable. That had me quite puzzled and shocked, but coming from a normal household, I also felt like I didn't have the right to comment on how they felt, since I've never experienced anything quite like it.

But that left me wondering, WHY is it that we become like this? Is it because we start to become so emotionally numb that nothing starts to matter, and you start to ridicule and make fun of everything around you, or maybe it's because of how your surroundings shaped you and shaped your behavior? Please I genuinely wanna know because this is bothering me quite a bit.

i dont like to spend time with my family, and my sister used to be the only person who could understand me, but now, even i feel conflicted to spend time with her.

for context, im 18M, and pretty much hold quite opposing views compared to my family. I like piercings n shi and told my mum and sis about it, and well, they asked me if i wanted to be trans. I get it, every indian family opposes this shit but the fact that even my sister said that who is in her 20s shocked me quite a bit. i dont know what to do, i hate pretending. I wanna be open with them but idk how to do so without them telling me to shut up, look at me weird or love me less.

it's especially painful when your sister used to be someone who was your role model but now even u start to question yourself