Relationship advice? is this abuse or just inconsiderate or something else?
This is just me letting my thoughts out, I already did try to look up some things I feel like I need some feedback from actual people, I don’t have many people I can talk to about this. (also I am an adult in my mid 20s)
I wanna make clear, i am by no means perfect
or don’t do my share of unhealthy traits in the relationship and don’t want blind validation but I genuinely just need some insight.
very often when things get stressed between us, I try to bring up my feelings and how it impacted me and so many times it doesn’t even get delved into, I get responses like “how you think this makes me feel?”
my partner rarely talks about his emotions or let’s me know what is stressing him and only really brings his emotions up when I try to bring mine up and it makes me feel unseen or not acknowledged.
I wanna know what is going on inside him and it is hard to know what I did that hurt him,(i try to check in or ask him but so often he says he is fine or doesn’t wanna talk about it, when he isn’t)
many times his mood shifts out of nowhere and i feel like I get the impact of it and I know I am guilty of that as well, I kinda got worse and worse with talking about my emotions and get more and more unregulated, I‘m sure this doesn’t help him either but I remember a time where I felt like I could bring my emotions up safely and without worry.
I feel more like I see that bringing up my emotions stresses him or reminds him of failure or upsetting me but I mostly just want to feel listened to and cared for, I even told him once that this isn’t to criticize him and more an opportunity to make me feel loved and seen, but I don’t feel like he can see it that way very often, only after things usually got worse and after some time in the evening I get a more supportive and softer side and that helps but I still feel hurt from not having that when I needed it.
i just noticed I am getting less and less patient in the relationship and feel more and more unhappy, happiness comes and goes and it feels like a rollercoaster.
I don’t think i help him a lot with my own emotional issues and me shutting down, he did told me that he needs consistency with this but it is hard to keep up a good mood when I feel invalidated and unseen so often, especially when I did try to just bring up my feelings and it caused more stress in the end.
He clearly wants to be with me and wants things to work but no matter how often we talk or try to improve, we still get those moments and it is like we have to try again over and over again.
I am getting tired and I don’t know if this is making me truly happy anymore , I feel depressed. I do know in those moments of happiness, that things are nice but want to feel like that when he does something that hurts me, that it impacted him because I am hurt and not because he is failing or felt attacked by it.
I feel some resentment and it makes me sad, I wished I wasn’t so frustrated, I feel so often that even if I do those things he needs and wants from me, that I don’t get the same back and it hurts me.
This is just my side of this, it can look very different for him, I can be wrong about this and be the problem. i hope this text isn’t to much of a mess and that it is readable. (I am not good with texts and english isn't my first language)
please just be real with me and let me know what I could do better.