Why am I so bitter and jealous over BM for no reason?
I have two SS and a fairly happy relationship with my partner. We’ve had our ups and downs with the BM but none of which has she been nasty towards me. Matter of fact we text and I do A LOT for the kids and she SEEMS to be appreciative and I know my partner is but I can’t get over the sense that they were perfect for each other and should’ve never broken up and the only thing that seems to of separated them was the stress of having kids.
I’m so different from them though but I fell in love with my partner because he seemed like someone who always dreamed of the same things I did just had life get in the way so I thought I could just add a little *whimsy* to their lives, but now 4 years in the relationship after sharing my view on life over and over and getting excited about niche things my partner just laughs at me like I’m crazy, and I can’t help but feel I dedicated a lot of my life to trying to fit into this family and they’ve done so little to fit into mine… maybe that’s just the toll of being a step parent.
I’m bitter over his ex because he’ll mention little things often about her pregnancy with the kids, the things he did for her like selling his vehicles and buying a house, he’ll watch a video about a couple and go “this reminds me of when I tried to get her to watch X show (which bothers me because why after all this time he sees a couple video and relates to their relationship more than ours) and fixing all the stuff she would “force him to do” and I can’t help but to feel those things weren’t things she “forced him to do” but things he did because he loved her and wanted her to be happy, meanwhile it feels like dragging a cat to water when I ask him to go to the park and have a picnic with me. I’m bitter of her because I used to have so much confidence but Everytime I see her I find myself comparing my looks to hers. I find myself comparing her soothing voice to mine mumbly voice and abrupt loud laugh. I find myself comparing the absolute rock star of a mom she is to how I am as a step mom. I hate how Everytime they’re In a good spot as co parents the memories of them tend to come out of his mouth more and the “I wish her and I could be friends again, I miss her as a friend and I still care about her” and then when I bring up my insecurities about this to him in a very calm collected matter he tells me it’s annoying that I don’t trust him and he gets mad at me…, all I want is just some reassurance once in a while….
I’m just so confused on what to think. I’m confused if my feelings are even valid or if it’s just my jealousy. I’m confused on why I continue ruining the good I have with my partner every 3 months when I start feeling this way. I’m just lost… and I guess I just needed to vent.