u/AvoidablePenguin

I really wish I got to experience this when I was younger but the couple of moments where it came up, me being male was too problematic for parents. But now I’m an adult, still wish I wasn’t as masculine, but also still want to experience this. I feel a bit sad for wanting to since I never had the opportunity to when I was younger and I don’t really have the friends to have something like this with right now, plus it’s just different as an adult.

I am still paused on taking HRT for right now too, so I feel like I’d feel really out of place if I had the chance now too.

I was on feminizing HRT for a couple of months earlier this year, and stopped because of being unsure and not feeling confident in the decision. Now that more time as passed with additional reflection, confronting more of my biases and understanding of what makes a “man” or a “woman” or whatever, I just want to be back on it already.

Why can’t I right now? It’s because I don’t want to remove my ability to possibly have biological children. I’m waiting to be scheduled for an appointment and possibly decide to freeze my sperm so that option could be there. This is also with the assumption that it’s within my budget (I recently graduated college but am not on a high paying job yet) and that it doesn’t take an insane amount longer to do. I was told at the beginning of this month that I would hear back to schedule in 4-6 weeks, and it’s only just now about to be the 4th week just to be able to schedule.

If the appointment itself is an extra month out or more, I think I’m just going to forget about that and just ask if I can start it. I don’t want to keep dealing with looking as masculine and being treated like a guy anymore. I miss the deeper emotions I felt, easier time crying, physical changes, and everything else tbh.

Hi, I moved up here about 2 years ago to go to Western and have recently graduated with a Computer Science degree. I intended to stay up here for longer since I wanted to avoid moving back to my old living situation in Vancouver, WA. I have applied to probably 200 jobs in the last several months, ranging from in the city, adjacent cities, and elsewhere such as the Seattle area, my hometown, and other states. I haven't been able to land something related to my degree, let alone even something unrelated that uses my past work experience and interests like receptionist roles, administrative/office work, and even retail.

I'm unsure what to do since I've mostly been relying on doing gigs like Doordash or Uber Eats in the meantime averaging less than the Bellingham minimum wage. I have a few other marketable skills such as maintaining and fixing computers and consoles, art as a hobby, and some event planning/organizing experience in the past. If anyone has some guidance for where I am at, that would mean a lot. Thank you.

I really wish I got to experience this when I was younger but the couple of moments where it came up, me being male was too problematic for parents. But now I’m an adult, still wish I wasn’t as masculine, but also still want to experience this. I kind of feel sad for wanting to since I never had the opportunity to when I was younger and I don’t really have the friends to have something like this with right now.

My main thoughts are IT and QA testing. After doing poorly on coding assessments and having a hard time with the stress of needing to learn so many different tools for SWE that I don't feel motivated or interested in becoming proficient in all of, I'm not sure where else to look.

I graduated in June and haven't had much job success. I never obtained an internship unfortunately and aside from academic projects, I worked on a few research related projects, some I am still involved with within robotics, mobile dev, and databases. I felt way more competent and successful in these things but something about coding assessments have just killed my interest and I think I'm just not the right person for that type of thing anymore. I just need some job at this point and I just hope it's something my degree and experience can apply to, but I literally cannot find something that does right now. I'm not in the most financially stable position right now and I'm kind of panicked.

My main thoughts are IT and QA testing. After doing poorly on coding assessments and having a hard time with the stress of needing to learn so many different tools for SWE that I don't feel motivated or interested in becoming proficient in all of, I'm not sure where else to look.

I graduated in June and haven't had much job success. I never obtained an internship unfortunately and aside from academic projects, I worked on a few research related projects, some I am still involved with within robotics, mobile dev, and databases. I felt way more competent and successful in these things but something about coding assessments have just killed my interest and I think I'm just not the right person for that type of thing anymore. I just need some job at this point and I just hope it's something my degree and experience can apply to, but I literally cannot find something that does right now.

I’m planning to start taking HRT again now that I feel more stable mentally. I fear for my ability to find work however since I’m a recent college graduate and kind of desperately trying to find work, both long term jobs that use my skills and literally any entry level job just to have a source of income temporarily. Has transitioning affected your ability to find work or maintain your current job? Maybe how safe or welcome you feel? These are a couple of fears of mine and although I’m fortunately in a pretty safe state (Washington), I still worry.

Bonus: if you’re doing a tech related job like software dev or IT, I especially would like to know your experience since these are some career paths I’m trying to get into!

Kind of a weird realization I had and wanted to ask. I realized that as a guy I don’t think I looked up to other guys appearances in a “I want to look like that” kind of way with a couple of exceptions. Meanwhile, with women I would be curious and interested in wanting to look like them, wear what they wear, etc. this became more clear to me in the past couple of years when I realized I’m definitely not a cis man.

So, did anyone else have the same thoughts happen?

I’m non-binary, 24, AMAB. I’ve been having a hard time with how I feel and I’ve been talking to a therapist and some friends about these topics for a while now. I had so many doubts about transitioning and a big clash with internalized transphobia, heteronormativity, and my own bias from how I’ve grown up.

The reason I stopped HRT was having a hard time seeing if it was really what I wanted. Even as NB, I kept seeing myself as a man and justifying it by saying that it’s how most other people see me as too. So when more changes were coming in, I was self conscious about breast development and some other changes. It was a mix of liking the changes and also feeling a clash in my mind of thoughts such as “well now I’m just becoming a guy with boobs.” I decided to take a break from HRT to see if a social transition is more of what I want, because if it’s clothing, makeup, ways of acting and being that I want to experience in more feminine ways, I don’t necessarily have to be on HRT right?

Well, here I am 3 weeks or so later. I’m realizing maybe why I felt happier with how I’m appearing or presenting myself was also because of some small changes that were happening so far from HRT that were left over from stopping. Slower facial hair growth, softer skin, whatever whatever. I feel envious of feminine bodies and how dressing and presenting feminine looks on them, less so as a masculine person because I can’t get over feeling like it’s wrong for me to do. I can’t tell if it’s because I internalized myself as a man and only a man, that I don’t like how I look in feminine clothing, or I’m just fearful of judgement I don’t know. Fortunately for me, I don’t look that masculine and would sometimes be mistaken for a girl with my hair grown out in the past. But when I’m not putting a ton of effort to look feminine, I wish I didn’t look like a guy so much.

Hi, I’m in college, non-binary, maybe trans femme. there’s someone who I’m not really friends with but say hi to and occasionally have conversations with either at work or when I have class with her. I would like to talk about gender related things just to help myself understand more and have more queer friends, but I don’t want to seem like I’m either calling her out, clocking her, etc. I don’t know how openly queer she is but I do know she has her pronouns on a profile as she/???, and I just get the vibe, which helped me feel comfortable talking in the first place and I think she’s really cool. How could I bring this up, maybe over text without being in a “I know what you are…” kind of way?

This is a weird thing for me and let me explain. I am half Filipino but very white passing. It’s kind of hit or miss if someone can clock that I am half Asian and I think in most interactions, people either assume I’m just white or that I am mixed but don’t look any deeper. I never learned how to speak Tagalog and I only know some words and phrases, but I would hope in the future to better connect with that part of me and the culture. I also am considering picking a more feminine sounding name since even though I don’t mind mine that much, it is very masculine and I kind of want to explore ideas of going by something more feminine, possibly from Filipino origin too.

Even being half Filipino, something about thinking if I was to pick a name for myself and look at Filipino ones for some inspiration among other names feels wrong. Like cultural appropriation but for a culture I grew up around with family. Am I thinking too hard? Would people treat me weirdly for how my name sounds but being assumed to just be white usually?

Silly question I know, but this is something I’ve struggled with internally since exploring transitioning for a couple of months, thinking I should stop and continue reflecting with therapy and discussions, and being around a lot of groups that haven’t felt the most supportive of the real me growing up.

I want to be able to be able to feel seen as pretty or beautiful or other generally “feminine” compliments. I haven’t really liked being called handsome or whatever in comparison. I feel that despite not appearing too masculine (fortunately for me) and sometimes being able to be mistaken for a girl when my hair is longer, having a male physique and features makes me think I can not feel this way about myself. Heck I even think about how to me, having a bulge be slightly visible in some clothes really shouldn’t matter because it’s unfair to my body and I don’t think I should feel shame for having male parts. Other areas like having broader shoulders and a less curvy physique also are a little upsetting since they add to my mind saying “you can’t look cute.” I feel like saying this contradicts not thinking transitioning is right for me, but it’s possible to appear soft or feminine for other masculine people, so how can I do this and get my mind to unlearn these beliefs?