u/AvoidablePenguin

Hi, I’m in college, non-binary, maybe trans femme. there’s someone who I’m not really friends with but say hi to and occasionally have conversations with either at work or when I have class with her. I would like to talk about gender related things just to help myself understand more and have more queer friends, but I don’t want to seem like I’m either calling her out, clocking her, etc. I don’t know how openly queer she is but I do know she has her pronouns on a profile as she/???, and I just get the vibe, which helped me feel comfortable talking in the first place and I think she’s really cool. How could I bring this up, maybe over text without being in a “I know what you are…” kind of way?

This is a weird thing for me and let me explain. I am half Filipino but very white passing. It’s kind of hit or miss if someone can clock that I am half Asian and I think in most interactions, people either assume I’m just white or that I am mixed but don’t look any deeper. I never learned how to speak Tagalog and I only know some words and phrases, but I would hope in the future to better connect with that part of me and the culture. I also am considering picking a more feminine sounding name since even though I don’t mind mine that much, it is very masculine and I kind of want to explore ideas of going by something more feminine, possibly from Filipino origin too.

Even being half Filipino, something about thinking if I was to pick a name for myself and look at Filipino ones for some inspiration among other names feels wrong. Like cultural appropriation but for a culture I grew up around with family. Am I thinking too hard? Would people treat me weirdly for how my name sounds but being assumed to just be white usually?

Silly question I know, but this is something I’ve struggled with internally since exploring transitioning for a couple of months, thinking I should stop and continue reflecting with therapy and discussions, and being around a lot of groups that haven’t felt the most supportive of the real me growing up.

I want to be able to be able to feel seen as pretty or beautiful or other generally “feminine” compliments. I haven’t really liked being called handsome or whatever in comparison. I feel that despite not appearing too masculine (fortunately for me) and sometimes being able to be mistaken for a girl when my hair is longer, having a male physique and features makes me think I can not feel this way about myself. Heck I even think about how to me, having a bulge be slightly visible in some clothes really shouldn’t matter because it’s unfair to my body and I don’t think I should feel shame for having male parts. Other areas like having broader shoulders and a less curvy physique also are a little upsetting since they add to my mind saying “you can’t look cute.” I feel like saying this contradicts not thinking transitioning is right for me, but it’s possible to appear soft or feminine for other masculine people, so how can I do this and get my mind to unlearn these beliefs?