AITA for calling my best friend self centered
AITA for finally speaking my feelings and calling out my best friend after she accused me of being petty about her relationship?
For context, I (29F) and my best friend (27F) used to be extremely close. We talked multiple times a day and were basically inseparable. After I got engaged and married about a year ago, I started to feel a shift in her attitude toward me, but I didn’t really address it at first.
Over time, she started making hurtful comments about my wedding, my ring, staying at home as a wife, and my life choices. She also began comparing her relationship to my marriage a lot and often judged my decisions.
As her new relationship got more serious, things changed even more. I couldn’t really call her or text her unless it was a day where she was not with her boyfriend. Plans with me were often canceled or turned into group plans with him because she “didn’t get to see him often”. They had a strict schedule where if she didn’t see him at least 4x a week she would start a fight. Most of our conversations became centered on her relationship and their issues. Their constant ISSUES. In retrospect, they were minimal and not ever trivial but because she didn’t get her way or agree they had to be.
I started feeling like I had to be very careful with what I said. She would give me “advice” or tell me how I should handle my own relationship or future plans, and it often felt controlling or discouraging. She even made comments about me having children, and went as far as telling my parents I wouldn’t be fit to ever be a mother because of a health scare I had. She only wanted me to have kids when she was ready to and married.
If I talked about anything good in my life, like my husband, new friends, travel or accomplishments it would be met with animosity and negativity. I felt drained.
Yet, she would involve me in her relationship problems, share very personal details, and get upset if I didn’t fully agree with her or take her side. Playing devils advocate was out of the question because in her eyes she was never wrong and it was always her partner. Then later, after she shared something personal online that she had previously vented to me about, I made a light comment like “finally!” meaning I was glad she felt better about it once it was fixed through social media.
She took that as me being petty and lashed out at me. I felt attacked and responded defensively, saying things I shouldn’t have. I regretted it so bad I didn’t sleep that night and apologized the next day.
She didn’t really acknowledge my feelings and instead saw it as me just reacting to that one comment. Since then, I’ve apologized multiple times, but she has ghosted me and has said hurtful things about me and my husband through mutual friends.
After a lot of reflection and therapy, I decided to step away and remove myself from her life. I felt like an enabler at the end of the day yet heart broken.
AITA for finally speaking up after holding it in for so long?