Partner sliding into cross addiction ( alcohol/ gaming) an emotional absence. How did you call them out without triggering major DARVO?
Hi everyone, I'm looking for some insights from anyone who's partner has transferred their addiction into other outlets during early recovery.
Lately, I've noticed my partners attitude towards me is sliding right back into the exact same emotionally absent, unaffectionate tone that was there when he was actively acting out before Discovery day. it feels like the exact same heavy cloud.
Since discovery, he has continued to be using alcohol as a coping mechanism ( not too extreme alcoholism levels, but constantly using the bar to meet his ' social interactions needs'). He has also heavily ramped up his use of online phone and strategy games, sometimes nipping on past foam curfew at night and first thing in the morning before even getting out of bed to manage his digital loops.
The thing is, alcohol and online gaming were always an active part of his lifestyle while he was acting out sexually before Discovery day. It feels like his brain has just dropped the sexual behaviours for now but has ramped up the second revises to keep himself clinically numb. meanwhile, despite knowing about free support groups like SAA, he hasn't signed himself up or take any initiative to join peer support.
I am treating this purely as data right now. I know that if I try to call him out on this cross addiction or raise it with him directly, I would just get hit with a massive defensive pushback, excuses about his ' loneliness', and a wall of DARVO to spin the narrative back onto me.
have any other partners dealt with this specific scenario? How did you handle the slide into cross addiction, and how did you address it without letting them drag you into a defensive text warp or an argument?