r/lovewithaSexAddict

Has anyone ever wanted to celebrate their anniversary again ?

I’d actually forgotten about our anniversary today until my mother-in-law messaged me , and it’s made me feel really sad.

Since DDay 18 months ago , I don’t really feel married anymore, even though we’re still married on paper. Part of me would like to celebrate, but another part of me feels I just can’t. I’m not ready, and it doesn’t feel right.

My husband remembered but didn’t mention it because he knows how I feel.

I suppose part of me misses what the day used to mean, and I wonder whether, with time, I might want to celebrate it again, perhaps as a new beginning rather than celebrating what we had before.

Has anyone else experienced this? Did your feelings change over time?

I had been with my partner for 4 years, engaged for 3 and friends for a year before dating.

Last Thursday I left with a bag, a broken heart and the desire to heal. Now that I'm outside of the cycle of addiction and betrayal I can see clearer.

I found out about my ex's porn and sex addiction 6 months ago. It imploded my life and almost took me completely out. A month before D day I lost my job and shortly after finding out about the addiction, my ex called CPS on me, and my oldest son didn't want to live in my house anymore and has been staying with his dad. I have lived the most excruciating painful experience in these last 6 months than I have in my entire 38 years of life.

He relapsed twice in 6 months on porn, he went to two SAA meetings a week and saw a CSAT weekly, I was hopeful to see positive change and was proud of how committed he appeared to be. What I wasn't prepared for was how he treated me once his vices were stripped away. The never ending blame shifting, the yelling at me, discarding me, shutting down CONSTANTLY, and absolute unwillingness to truly sit in the shame of his consequences and behavior.

The last month of us together had been the worst. He became increasingly more vile towards me, and basically wanted me and my three kids out of "his house" and he didn't care where we went and that it wasn't his problem. He became a person I do not recognize. And the final straw was him telling me that I don’t meet his needs, and that I wasn’t a safe person for HIM.

I have of course felt a lot of pain and grief since I had left but more than that, I have found a lot of peace. My nervous system has had a chance to breathe. I still struggle with the thoughts of if I did the right thing, was I the problem all along, and was I not worthy of being treated better? I am and I was worthy, and I look forward to a lot more peaceful days ❤️

I finally left and the relief is insane. Never again will I endure the abuse of this man, I will never endure being told I am the problem when he cheated on me over 40 times. I am free friends

Hi everyone, I'm looking for some insights from anyone who's partner has transferred their addiction into other outlets during early recovery.

Lately, I've noticed my partners attitude towards me is sliding right back into the exact same emotionally absent, unaffectionate tone that was there when he was actively acting out before Discovery day. it feels like the exact same heavy cloud.

Since discovery, he has continued to be using alcohol as a coping mechanism ( not too extreme alcoholism levels, but constantly using the bar to meet his ' social interactions needs'). He has also heavily ramped up his use of online phone and strategy games, sometimes nipping on past foam curfew at night and first thing in the morning before even getting out of bed to manage his digital loops.

The thing is, alcohol and online gaming were always an active part of his lifestyle while he was acting out sexually before Discovery day. It feels like his brain has just dropped the sexual behaviours for now but has ramped up the second revises to keep himself clinically numb. meanwhile, despite knowing about free support groups like SAA, he hasn't signed himself up or take any initiative to join peer support.

I am treating this purely as data right now. I know that if I try to call him out on this cross addiction or raise it with him directly, I would just get hit with a massive defensive pushback, excuses about his ' loneliness', and a wall of DARVO to spin the narrative back onto me.

have any other partners dealt with this specific scenario? How did you handle the slide into cross addiction, and how did you address it without letting them drag you into a defensive text warp or an argument?