u/RevolutionaryGate457

I’m a proud s anon member. I have been in recovery 6 months, along with my partner who has been in SAA 6 months. I have had one foot in one foot out of the relationship the whole time, as I’m sure many can relate to, until recently. I’ve seen a lot of progress and we have been able to have some difficult talks that eased my mind, so I finally decided to extend an olive branch an end our 6 month physical separation and trial living together recently. We are not sexually active.

During a long discussion about relational issues stemming prior to DDay, I asked him if he is even sure he wants to be with me. For the first time he said, “I don’t know”. I was floored. My intuition could tell he had changed, but I was hoping it was in my head.

I’m now awaiting our final decision talk on Friday. I feel almost certain he’s going to end it, because when we saw each other the last two time he didn’t kiss me which we usually give pecks the past few months while courting. He also referred to sleeping next to each other as past tense, even though it’s been less than a week. When I brought up the end of the abstinence period he sounded distraught instead of excited.

They call them massages, we call them brothels. Moving on…

Is it ever really just hands?

It went from fully dressed mechanical HJs, to now after his first disclosure letter they took tops off occasionally and put his hands on her butt but he “always moved them away”.

In the heat of the moment, how are these men, these addicts** **saying no to a mouth or vaginal penetration when offered? Why risk it all for a hand?

My Q confirmed 12 visits over the course of 8 months, with at least half resulting in HEs.

So my Q has still managed to o at least 3 times during his supposed 90 day abstinence. One was PMO, one was “accidental” on my leg 🙄, other was apparently just M.

This restarted the 90 days right? This is so frustrating that he just does that every 3 weeks now and the time get pushed further and further back. I have one foot in one foot out, and I feel like for my healing I need to see if we can by physically intimate again. We don’t hysterical bond, and I had pregnancy then miscarriage complications in the months leading up to D-day so it was far and few between, and not enjoyable for me. (That’s its own issue, I know).

How would you guys work through this? I don’t want to mess up his brain rewiring, but this feels a little counterproductive for me.

After a new discovery and denial about a month ago, I created a boundary of limited contact for 30 days (2 check ins, living separately, no texting) due to the lying.

I have requested a disclosure by the end of the break, and said if there isn’t anything new included then I will not accept it and will end the relationship. He agreed to this and a poly.

I’m halfway through and anxiously waiting for it. I’m less anxious about what it contains, since I know more than he knows I do, but rather anxious if he is actually going to disclose the big stuff.

I guess I’m just venting. I’m in s anon and ic with a therapist for ‘unrelated’ trauma and seeing a CPTT next week. Doing step work and trying to focus on me, but it’s been hard after our 1st check in. I’m anxious. I’m angry. I’m impatient.

It’s been 4 months so he’s still in the bargaining phase, and changes the rules of his 90 days abstinence to fit what he wants to do essentially. He DARVO-ed again at check in which is what ultimately caused the break in the first place.