u/PsychologyMassive392

I don’t want to be whatever type of person I am where a husband could feel okay cheating on me over and over again over the course of three years of marriage. Cam girls. Cocaine. Alcohol abuse. Demeaning me once I found everything out just a few months after I gave birth. I don’t want to be the type of person who could be treated this way.

I’ve been working out (although he says he never felt I was fat…). I now walk and bike for my commutes to get some seratonin in and steps in. I cycled for over an hour yesterday .

I buy myself nicer clothes (he was buying other women lingerie). I’ve been planning on a different hairstyle. I’ve started doing my nails again. I’ve implemented the most basic makeup routine (gloss, mascara) just to let myself know I’m caring for myself.

I sit at cafes and just put aide my phone and look out the windows.

All of these feel like things I was or would’ve done eventually, but I just want to be so strong that nobody can hurt me this badly again. I can leg press almost 300lbs. I plan out fun weekends for me and my one year old. I left him. I have a new apartment. My own accounts. I was always capable of handling myself but trusted and loved him so much that I gave him 100% control and access and over site over our life. I would’ve been happy living that way forever. I’m so strait laced and on top of things in my work life. I loved the idea of handing that over to someone else, a husband, in my home life. Everyone who knows me hears my name and the next sentence was always about him. I loved him that much just to secretly be treated so poorly

I’m a dr and professor and I’m smart and capable. I have a family that loves me. I am cared for. I don’t ever want to be the type of person who could accept his cheap love again.

I can’t be the type of person who was hurt so badly she wanted to die. I can’t be the type of person who can have a husband pay over 30 escorts and cam girls and then stand in her face and say “ask yourself why your husband prefers prostitutes over you.”

I don’t want to be the type of person where he cuddles and takes photos of me with our baby and then is online sharing photos of a voluptuous woman with his friends saying she’s a fine specimen of a woman and she’s on his top 3 list of women to have sex with.

I don’t want to be the type of person who is up crying in the middle of the night broken and sad over a man who never deserved her love.

I didn’t deserve this but he looked at me and thought I did.

I don’t want to be the same person anymore.

I want to thank this forum for the support over these challenging few months. Since I first postedabout my husbands cocaine usage, heavy drinking, cheating and paying cam girls and seeking out local ones (but supposedly never meeting up) , I’ve now found myself in really good betrayal trauma therapy, and group therapy for women married to sex addicted men.

I’ve also been out of the home since May, and I now no longer plan to return to my husband.

Around midnight we were texting. He had sent me an apology earlier this week. I, wrongly, sent him a photo of his phone looking up escorts fairly soon after I gave birth. And he responded in anger. As did I.

But he disclosed tonight, less than a week after apologizing, that none of this was cheating. The woman in a different city was just a party. Nothing to do with women. The sex workers were just online randos. Not even acknowledging they’re sex workers.

He also said everything I’m saying isn’t true, despite the evidence, none of it is true and I’m exaggerating.

I also strongly believe that he has been in contact with some more recently, since he seems to see them (I think. He hasn’t necessarily said this) as cool party girls.

He also let me know he truly believes I’ve been sleeping around, which is false. He called me sneaky, insinuating that I’ve been cheating all along too, without using that phrase, but insinuating it. It’s just odd he would believe this. But I’ve had enough solid therapy to understand why he’s doing this.

He also shared that a leader from church told him if this is what I want to throw a marriage away for, then that’s on me. I didn’t believe anyone said this to him.

All in all, I take this to be proof that since the discovery of this in march, he remains in denial and unrepentant.

I must admit, I harbored some hope in my heart he would suddenly change and truly repent and seek help. But this has not been the case.

I am quite conservative in my faith when it comes to matters of marriage. In my world, divorce isn’t a thing, but now I don’t feel so bad letting this go. Especially after he told me I should forgive him 70 times 7 as it says in the Bible (and a priest told me the same…), and that we could have worked this out . I just wish I didn’t have to share our child with him. It would be much easier if we could all go our separate ways. I am a little sad because I had hoped to be pregnant with our second child this spring, so the timeline I had is out the window. But God is still in control.

I sometimes wish he would just disappear from this planet, so that I would harbor less guilt about the marriage ending (this guilt, which isn’t even mine to hold, is another thing I’ve been dealing with in therapy), but I’ve been asking God to remove that prayer from my heart. God is still working on me and my anger regarding this situation. I hope you’ll pray for my peace and a smooth divorce from this unrepentant man.

Sadly and lastly , I know, based on DMs I’ve received, that a few other women in this sub are experiencing something similar. I hate how rampant this is amongst believers . I would implore you to know that Reddit isn’t therapy. Please go out and get real help and surround yourself with some good community. I got solid faith based therapy targeted at this stuff and my eyes have opened to my husbands behaviors but also why I seem to still be so drawn to him despite the pain he has caused. Anyways, make sure to help yourselves offline too!

I want to thank this forum for the support over these challenging few months. Since I first posted about my husbands cocaine usage, heavy drinking, cheating and paying cam girls and seeking out local ones (but supposedly never meeting up) , I’ve now found myself in really good betrayal trauma therapy, and group therapy for women married to sex addicted men.

I’ve also been out of the home since May, and I now no longer plan to return to my husband.

Around midnight we were texting. He had sent me an apology earlier this week. I, wrongly, sent him a photo of his phone looking up escorts fairly soon after I gave birth. And he responded in anger. As did I.

But he disclosed tonight, less than a week after apologizing, that none of this was cheating. The woman in a different city was just a party. Nothing to do with women. The sex workers were just online randos. Not even acknowledging they’re sex workers.

He also said everything I’m saying isn’t true, despite the evidence, none of it is true and I’m exaggerating.

I also strongly believe that he has been in contact with some more recently, since he seems to see them (I think. He hasn’t necessarily said this) as cool party girls.

He also let me know he truly believes I’ve been sleeping around, which is false. He called me sneaky, insinuating that I’ve been cheating all along too, without using that phrase, but insinuating it. It’s just odd he would believe this. But I’ve had enough solid therapy to understand why he’s doing this.

He also shared that a church leader told him if this is what I want to throw a marriage away for, then that’s on me. I didn’t believe anyone said this to him.

All in all, I take this to be proof that since the discovery of this in march, he remains in denial and unrepentant.

I must admit, I harbored some hope in my heart he would suddenly change and truly repent and seek help. But this has not been the case.

I am quite conservative in my faith when it comes to matters of marriage. In my world, divorce isn’t a thing, but now I don’t feel so bad letting this go. Especially after he told me I should forgive him 70 times 7 as it says in the Bible, and that we could have worked this out . I just wish I didn’t have to share our child with him. It would be much easier if we could all go our separate ways. I am a little sad because I had hoped to be pregnant with our second child this spring, so the timeline I had is out the window. But God is still in control.

I sometimes wish he would just disappear from this planet, so that I would harbor less guilt about the marriage ending (this guilt, which isn’t even mine to hold, is another thing I’ve been dealing with in therapy), but I’ve been asking God to remove that prayer from my heart. God is still working on me and my anger regarding this situation. I hope you’ll pray for my peace and a smooth divorce from this unrepentant man.

Sadly and lastly , I know, based on DMs I’ve received, that a few other women in this sub are experiencing something similar. I hate how rampant this is amongst believers . I would implore you to know that Reddit isn’t therapy. Please go out and get real help and surround yourself with some good community. I got Christian therapy targeted at this stuff and my eyes have opened to my husbands behaviors but also why I seem to still be so drawn to him despite the pain he has caused. Anyways, make sure to help yourselves offline too!

I got the pizza front rack for my abound SR, but I want something more aesthetically pleasing (not necessarily cute…but just nicer) than a milk crate to zip tie to it. Any suggestions?

Used for commuting kid to school and me to work. Very light grocery pick ups. Family outings. Etc

Before I get into it, here's what I'm really asking: has anyone here walked through something like this—a spouse deep in secret sexual behavior/ sexual acting out, paying for online sex workers, chasing escorts, drinking heavily, using cocaine, lying —and, even granting the most generous version where he truly never physically slept with anyone (which I doubt), come out the other side with a marriage that actually worked? Not one held together by denial, but genuinely restored? Or do you know of anyone who has? I'll explain why I'm asking.

A couple of months ago I posted about my husband paying over 31 cam girls and escorts. Many people encouraged me to separate, saying that reconciliation requires repentance, honesty, and accountability—not simply staying married at all costs. I've been out of the house with our one-year-old since May, and I'm in a new place (I am financially stable enough + have family support to make it work).

I'll be honest about my own heart, too, since it's part of why I keep asking. I don't love being single, and I really don't love being a single mom...it's hard, lonely work, and I miss being a family, even if I don't miss him much anymore. There's also this part: my faith means that if I'm not married, I'm called to be celibate, so leaving isn't just leaving him—it's a life without intimacy, maybe for a long time. And I married in my late 20s and never really dated, so re-entering that world someday feels daunting.

We're separated now but have only been married three years. In that time I documented:

• A brief affair six months in, after he met a woman at a club and took her to an Airbnb (she later told me nothing physical happened and blocked him for hiding that he was married).
• Secret NSFW social media accounts interacting with women and consuming explicit content, some active within weeks of our wedding.
• Thousands of dollars (about 5k now ive counted) on cam girls during my postpartum time—over 30 women, FaceTimes, private interactions.
• Heavy drinking that began within two weeks of our child's birth. I didn't grow up around alcohol and naively thought he was sick—I didn't recognize it as alcoholism until much later.
• Cocaine use—he was dabbling in it himself, and also drove around trying to meet people to score more.
• Looking up local escorts, driving to meet some, and taking hundreds in cash from hotel ATMs in amounts matching what local prostitutes charge.
• Downloading Feeld, a kink dating app.
• Parking outside strip clubs.

I want to underline the drinking and the cocaine. The heavy drinking started (again...) within a few weeks of our daughter being born—while I was recovering and caring for a newborn—and I was so unfamiliar with alcohol that I genuinely thought he was ill. The cocaine was also part of this. Because I'd never seen drug use up close, I didn't recognize what was happening in front of me until much later. I've actually been writing about that slow, dawning awareness on my blog, and its been helpful to do. This was a man who read his Bible daily and anointed our child's head with oil. I can't really reconcile that disjointed mindset.

When I found out in March, I asked for full transparency—access to everything so I could see what was going on. He gave me two cards, disliked my angry reaction, then refused to share more . He also added new passwords to his phone and to individual apps like WhatsApp and Telegram. I later found more secret accounts, some inactive, showing he'd been liking cam girl content within weeks of our marriage. There was also a woman in Latin America he'd never met but "casually" video-chatted every so often who was receiving money regularly. He knew her even longer than he's known me.

His response to all of this, for a long time, was that none of it was cheating. Every incident had an explanation. He was curious, lonely, misunderstood, communicating poorly, driving and forgetting where he was going, downloading things for work, getting cash for food and drinks. He never physically touched anyone, so in his telling, nothing happened. When I pointed to the overall pattern, he said I was prideful and holding a false narrative. When I pointed to the deception, he said I was the one ending the marriage—that my pride made this a big deal to shame him, and now I was too proud to fix what I'd broken. Yet he said he wanted reconciliation and saw us growing old together.

I should add an update to that, though. More recently, he's started saying he does see what he did as cheating. On the surface that's the acknowledgment I begged for over months—but I can't tell whether it's real or just lip service, something he landed on once denial stopped working and he realized it might bring me back. After every incident being a "misunderstanding," a sudden reversal right as I've built my own life doesn't feel like conviction.

Then, suddenly, a young woman from his past began blackmailing him, saying she'd tell me the truth. She told me he was intimate with her while he was dating me. He said it was a lie—that she was trying to sell her body (aka...another prostitute...i think), that he was stopping her, that she's jealous he didn't want her. This is a man who was upstanding in his community, so I was shocked. But I can only imagine why she surfaced when she did.

My therapist has helped me see that when someone consistently minimizes, denies, or reframes, the other person starts doubting their own perception of reality. I ask myself almost daily, "What if I'm wrong?" Then I look at what I've documented over three years and wonder how many "misunderstandings" it takes before it's a pattern. I feel cleared eyed now that this is NOT a misunderstanding, but he has a serious problem...behaviorial and substance addictions.

So I'll ask again: has anyone actually come through something like this (the secrecy, the paid women, the drinking, the cocaine) with a marriage that worked, genuinely restored and not just held together by denial? And if the turnaround only came after you'd already left, how did you tell real repentance apart from a man just saying what he thought would bring you home?

I should add i'm in lots of therapy, 2 group therapy , 1 individual therapist. Lots of family support. i can easily survive without him. I come from a long line of married people. There are no divorces in my community. So I just hate being in this situation.

Before I get into it, here's what I'm really asking: has anyone here walked through something like this—a spouse deep in secret sexual behavior/ sexual acting out, paying for online sex workers, chasing escorts, drinking heavily, using cocaine, lying —and, even granting the most generous version where he truly never physically slept with anyone (which I doubt), come out the other side with a marriage that actually worked? Not one held together by denial, but genuinely restored? Or do you know of anyone who has? I'll explain why I'm asking.

A couple of months ago I posted about my husband paying over 31 cam girls and escorts. Many people encouraged me to separate, saying that reconciliation requires repentance, honesty, and accountability—not simply staying married at all costs. I've been out of the house with our one-year-old since May, and I'm in a new place (I am financially stable enough + have family support to make it work).

I'll be honest about my own heart, too, since it's part of why I keep asking. I don't love being single, and I really don't love being a single mom...it's hard, lonely work, and I miss being a family, even if I don't miss him much anymore. There's also this part: my faith means that if I'm not married, I'm called to be celibate, so leaving isn't just leaving him—it's a life without intimacy, maybe for a long time. And I married in my late 20s and never really dated, so re-entering that world someday feels daunting.

We're separated now but have only been married three years. In that time I documented:

• A brief affair six months in, after he met a woman at a club and took her to an Airbnb (she later told me nothing physical happened and blocked him for hiding that he was married).
• Secret NSFW social media accounts interacting with women and consuming explicit content, some active within weeks of our wedding.
• Thousands of dollars (about 5k now ive counted) on cam girls during my postpartum time—over 30 women, FaceTimes, private interactions.
• Heavy drinking that began within two weeks of our child's birth. I didn't grow up around alcohol and naively thought he was sick—I didn't recognize it as alcoholism until much later.
• Cocaine use—he was dabbling in it himself, and also drove around trying to meet people to score more.
• Looking up local escorts, driving to meet some, and taking hundreds in cash from hotel ATMs in amounts matching what local prostitutes charge.
• Downloading Feeld, a kink dating app.
• Parking outside strip clubs.

I want to underline the drinking and the cocaine. The heavy drinking started (again...) within a few weeks of our daughter being born—while I was recovering and caring for a newborn—and I was so unfamiliar with alcohol that I genuinely thought he was ill. The cocaine was also part of this. Because I'd never seen drug use up close, I didn't recognize what was happening in front of me until much later. I've actually been writing about that slow, dawning awareness on my blog, and it's been helpful. This was a man who read his Bible daily and anointed our child's head with oil. I can't really reconcile that disjointed mindset.

When I found out in March, I asked for full transparency—access to everything so I could see what was going on. He gave me two cards, disliked my angry reaction, then refused to share more . He also added new passwords to his phone and to individual apps like WhatsApp and Telegram. I later found more secret accounts, some inactive, showing he'd been liking cam girl content within weeks of our marriage. There was also a woman in Latin America he'd never met but "casually" video-chatted every so often who was receiving money regularly. He knew her even longer than he's known me.

His response to all of this, for a long time, was that none of it was cheating. Every incident had an explanation. He was curious, lonely, misunderstood, communicating poorly, driving and forgetting where he was going, downloading things for work, getting cash for food and drinks. He never physically touched anyone, so in his telling, nothing happened. When I pointed to the overall pattern, he said I was prideful and holding a false narrative. When I pointed to the deception, he said I was the one ending the marriage—that my pride made this a big deal to shame him, and now I was too proud to fix what I'd broken. Yet he said he wanted reconciliation and saw us growing old together.

I should add an update to that, though. More recently, he's started saying he does see what he did as cheating. On the surface that's the acknowledgment I begged for over months—but I can't tell whether it's real or just lip service, something he landed on once denial stopped working and he realized it might bring me back. After every incident being a "misunderstanding," a sudden reversal right as I've built my own life doesn't feel like conviction.

Then, suddenly, a young woman from his past began blackmailing him, saying she'd tell me the truth. She told me he was intimate with her while he was dating me. He said it was a lie—that she was trying to sell her body (aka...another prostitute...i think), that he was stopping her, that she's jealous he didn't want her. This is a man who was upstanding in his community, so I was shocked. But I can only imagine why she surfaced when she did.

My therapist has helped me see that when someone consistently minimizes, denies, or reframes, the other person starts doubting their own perception of reality. I ask myself almost daily, "What if I'm wrong?" Then I look at what I've documented over three years and wonder how many "misunderstandings" it takes before it's a pattern. I feel cleared eyed now that this is NOT a misunderstanding, but he has a serious problem...behaviorial and substance addictions.

So I'll ask again: has anyone actually come through something like this (the secrecy, the paid women, the drinking, the cocaine) with a marriage that worked, genuinely restored and not just held together by denial? And if the turnaround only came after you'd already left, how did you tell real repentance apart from a man just saying what he thought would bring you home?

I should add i'm in lots of therapy, 2 group therapy , 1 individual therapist. Lots of family support. i can easily survive without him. I come from a long line of married people. There are no divorces in my community. So I just hate being in this situation.

Before I get into it, here's what I'm really asking: has anyone here walked through something like this—a spouse deep in secret sexual behavior/ sexual acting out, paying for online sex workers, chasing escorts, drinking heavily, using cocaine, lying —and, even granting the most generous version where he truly never physically slept with anyone (which I doubt), come out the other side with a marriage that actually worked? Not one held together by denial, but genuinely restored? Or do you know of anyone who has? I'll explain why I'm asking.

A couple of months ago I posted about my husband paying over 31 cam girls and escorts. Many people encouraged me to separate, saying that reconciliation requires repentance, honesty, and accountability—not simply staying married at all costs. I've been out of the house with our one-year-old since May, and I'm in a new place (I am financially stable enough + have family support to make it work).

I'll be honest about my own heart, too, since it's part of why I keep asking. I don't love being single, and I really don't love being a single mom...it's hard, lonely work, and I miss being a family, even if I don't miss him much anymore. There's also this part: my faith means that if I'm not married, I'm called to be celibate, so leaving isn't just leaving him—it's a life without intimacy, maybe for a long time. And I married in my late 20s and never really dated, so re-entering that world someday feels daunting.

We're separated now but have only been married three years. In that time I documented:

• A brief affair six months in, after he met a woman at a club and took her to an Airbnb (she later told me nothing physical happened and blocked him for hiding that he was married).
• Secret NSFW social media accounts interacting with women and consuming explicit content, some active within weeks of our wedding.
• Thousands of dollars (about 5k now ive counted) on cam girls during my postpartum time—over 30 women, FaceTimes, private interactions.
• Heavy drinking that began within two weeks of our child's birth. I didn't grow up around alcohol and naively thought he was sick—I didn't recognize it as alcoholism until much later.
• Cocaine use—he was dabbling in it himself, and also drove around trying to meet people to score more.
• Looking up local escorts, driving to meet some, and taking hundreds in cash from hotel ATMs in amounts matching what local prostitutes charge.
• Downloading Feeld, a kink dating app.
• Parking outside strip clubs.

I want to underline the drinking and the cocaine. The heavy drinking started (again...) within a few weeks of our daughter being born—while I was recovering and caring for a newborn—and I was so unfamiliar with alcohol that I genuinely thought he was ill. The cocaine was also part of this. Because I'd never seen drug use up close, I didn't recognize what was happening in front of me until much later. I've actually been writing about that slow, dawning awareness on my blog, and its been helpful to do. This was a man who read his Bible daily and anointed our child's head with oil. I can't really reconcile that disjointed mindset.

When I found out in March, I asked for full transparency—access to everything so I could see what was going on. He gave me two cards, disliked my angry reaction, then refused to share more . He also added new passwords to his phone and to individual apps like WhatsApp and Telegram. I later found more secret accounts, some inactive, showing he'd been liking cam girl content within weeks of our marriage. There was also a woman in Latin America he'd never met but "casually" video-chatted every so often who was receiving money regularly. He knew her even longer than he's known me.

His response to all of this, for a long time, was that none of it was cheating. Every incident had an explanation. He was curious, lonely, misunderstood, communicating poorly, driving and forgetting where he was going, downloading things for work, getting cash for food and drinks. He never physically touched anyone, so in his telling, nothing happened. When I pointed to the overall pattern, he said I was prideful and holding a false narrative. When I pointed to the deception, he said I was the one ending the marriage—that my pride made this a big deal to shame him, and now I was too proud to fix what I'd broken. Yet he said he wanted reconciliation and saw us growing old together.

I should add an update to that, though. More recently, he's started saying he does see what he did as cheating. On the surface that's the acknowledgment I begged for over months—but I can't tell whether it's real or just lip service, something he landed on once denial stopped working and he realized it might bring me back. After every incident being a "misunderstanding," a sudden reversal right as I've built my own life doesn't feel like conviction.

Then, suddenly, a young woman from his past began blackmailing him, saying she'd tell me the truth. She told me he was intimate with her while he was dating me. He said it was a lie—that she was trying to sell her body (aka...another prostitute...i think), that he was stopping her, that she's jealous he didn't want her. This is a man who was upstanding in his community, so I was shocked. But I can only imagine why she surfaced when she did.

My therapist has helped me see that when someone consistently minimizes, denies, or reframes, the other person starts doubting their own perception of reality. I ask myself almost daily, "What if I'm wrong?" Then I look at what I've documented over three years and wonder how many "misunderstandings" it takes before it's a pattern. I feel cleared eyed now that this is NOT a misunderstanding, but he has a serious problem...behaviorial and substance addictions.

So I'll ask again: has anyone actually come through something like this (the secrecy, the paid women, the drinking, the cocaine) with a marriage that worked, genuinely restored and not just held together by denial? And if the turnaround only came after you'd already left, how did you tell real repentance apart from a man just saying what he thought would bring you home?

I should add i'm in lots of therapy, 2 group therapy , 1 individual therapist. Lots of family support. i can easily survive without him. I come from a long line of married people. There are no divorces in my community. So I just hate being in this situation.

Any after market or non Aventon options for a handrail for the Abound SR? I know Aventon doesn't make one for the SR (just the og and lr). Just tying to see if anything is available online for this purpose.

Hi everyone, I’m a mom to a toddler and I’m looking to get the Aventon abound SR. I would really appreciate seeing photos of the baby car seat on the SR.

What I’ve been able to find online just isn’t giving me a good enough visual of what it will look like when I’m on it or the various ways in which people put the baby car seat on plus side bags, baskets, mirrors, etc.

Thanks!

I'm thinking about getting an e-bike to commute to work and drop off my one kiddo at school. I want help figuring out

• which e-bike to get (Driving, my commute is about 5 minutes to daycare and another 5 to work...hence why I want to ditch the car for my daily commute). It needs to accommodate me, my toddler, and my books, papers, laptop (I'm a prof and researcher, so I carry a bag or two regularly) I was looking at the Aventon Abound SR, but maybe there's a better choice out there for me?

• I mostly wear dresses and skirts year-round. How do I become a commuter biker without "flashing" the world? For reference, I wear a mix of flowy skirts and the quite restrictive corporate world type outfits, above the knee and mid-calf dresses.

• What sort of bag to use for work? I have historically used a large structured Coach tote, but that seems like it will be cumbersome on a bike. Please don't say a backpack. I'll throw up. I haven't worn one of those in almost 14 years.

I'm thinking about getting an e-bike to commute to work and drop off my one kiddo at school. I want help figuring out

• which e-bike to get (Driving, my commute is about 5 minutes to daycare and another 5 to work...hence why I want to ditch the car for my daily commute). It needs to accommodate me, my toddler, and my books, papers, laptop (I'm a prof and researcher, so I carry a bag or two regularly) I was looking at the Aventon Abound SR, but maybe there's a better choice out there for me?

• I mostly wear dresses and skirts year-round. How do I become a commuter biker without "flashing" the world? For reference, I wear a mix of flowy skirts and the quite restrictive corporate world type outfits, above the knee and mid-calf dresses.

• What sort of bag to use for work? I have historically used a large structured Coach tote, but that seems like it will be cumbersome on a bike. Please don't say a backpack. I'll throw up. I haven't worn one of those in almost 14 years.

I've shared a lot in other places about my soon to be ex husband (written here and here). In quick summary, he paid 31+ escorts and cam girls over the course of 9 months after I gave birth, was doing cocaine, and was an alcoholic...all without me knowing.

I am in therapy and group therapy. I'm getting lots of mental help because the betrayal is beyond anything I could have ever expected, especially after I had already forgiven him for stuff 2 months and 6 months into marriage.

Despite the therapy, and despite final d-day brain back in March, my brain feels off. I haven't felt like myself in a while. Some days are good, but days like today, I remember how low he made me feel about myself. How he asked me to ask myself why my husband prefers prostitutes over me. I just feel so off somedays. I stare off into nothing, have a hard time holding conversations on a regular basis, and this is bad given the nature of my work requires a very sharp brain.

Today, despite telling him to no longer contact me, I sent two crying screaming voicemails and probably 20+ texts. He hasn't responded. He let me know he tried to apologize for all the betrayal but i was unwilling to accept his apologies (this is true, because he said sorry so many times...and still dealt with so many sex workers).

Saying sorry just is not enough for all of this. The nature of who he cheated with (sex workers) the sheer number (30+) the amount spent ($5000+) makes me sick every time i recall the details.

I just mentally no longer feel like myself. I was once a very chatty person, and now I prefer quiet. I was bubbly, and now I feel somber. I'm just so tired all the time.

He's not asking for much from the divorce, but I truly want nothing from him. I don't want child support. I don't want co-parenting. I just want him to leave me alone.I worry my brain will not get well again if I keep having to interact with him. I feel like i'm in a fog, or like i'm swimming through some thick molasses in my head. I zone out too easily. I ramble. I forget my words. My therapists say it's betrayal trauma PTSD, but I just want to get out of this fog.

My therapists, one being a Christian therapist and then the other being Christian wives of sex addicts group therapy, keep telling me that this can take years to get out of. Some people become physically ill and get autoimmune disorders, some women end up mentally ill and even end up in psych wards. The damage is that serious, so I thank God I'm not there, i'm not at that point, but I feel so off, and it's not getting better.

I feel my options in life have been limited. The good guys are snatched up already. The course of my life has changed. I am away from family and friends. I have very little community where I am. It's just very, very hard. The cruelty I received from him at the end of this has been too much, and despite some falsely earnest attempts by him to make things right, everything is too wrong.

Hey. I'm just asking for prayers from this sub, since you're the sub that has been hearing and reading about this issue over and over again. Thanks for being such a great group and for offering such good support.

Could you pray for my healing and peace of mind as I end a marriage?

I've shared a lot in other places about my soon to be ex husband (written here and here). In quick summary, he paid 31+ escorts and cam girls over the course of 9 months after I gave birth, was doing cocaine, and was an alcoholic, had a woman he was secretly with while engaged to me, ...all without me knowing.

I am in therapy and group therapy. I'm getting lots of mental help because the betrayal is beyond anything I could have ever expected, especially after I had already forgiven him for stuff 2 months and 6 months into marriage.

Despite the therapy, and despite final d-day brain back in March, my brain feels off. I haven't felt like myself in a while. Some days are good, but days like today, I remember how low he made me feel about myself. How he asked me to ask myself why my husband prefers prostitutes over me. I just feel so off somedays. How he made me feel so low Ia thought i should die.

I stare off into nothing, have a hard time holding conversations on a regular basis, and this is bad given the nature of my work requires a very sharp brain.

Today, despite telling him to no longer contact me, I sent two crying screaming voicemails and probably 20+ texts. He hasn't responded. He let me know he tried to apologize for all the betrayal but i was unwilling to accept his apologies (this is true, because he said sorry so many times...and still dealt with so many sex workers).

Saying sorry just is not enough for all of this. The nature of who he cheated with (sex workers) the sheer number (30+) the amount spent ($5000+) makes me sick every time i recall the details. I wonder how I could have not seen this. What I have done to have this in my life.

I just mentally no longer feel like myself. I was once a very chatty person, and now I prefer quiet. I was bubbly, and now I feel somber. I'm just so tired all the time.

He's not asking for much from the divorce, but I truly want nothing from him. I don't want child support. I don't want co-parenting. I just want him to leave me alone.I worry my brain will not get well again if I keep having to interact with him. I feel like i'm in a fog, or like i'm swimming through some thick molasses in my head. I zone out too easily. I ramble. I forget my words. My therapists say it's betrayal trauma PTSD, but I just want to get out of this fog. My therapists, one being a Christian therapist and then the other being Christian wives of sex addicts group therapy, keep telling me that this can take years to get out of. Some people become physically ill and get autoimmune disorders, some women end up mentally ill and even end up in psych wards. The damage is that serious, so I thank God I'm not there, i'm not at that point, but I feel so off, and it's not getting better.

To wait my whole life for marriage and a little family of my own, to have a baby and a loving, Godly husband, and coming from a background filled with strong, Godly marriages that have lasted decades and decades, this is a specific and horrid pain. The good guys are snatched up. Most of the still unmarried men and women are virgins and childless. I feel my options have been limited. The course of my life has changed. I am away from family and friends. I have very little community where I am. It's just very, very hard. The cruelty I received from him at the end of this has been too much, and despite some falsely earnest attempts by him to make things right, everything is too wrong.

I've shared a lot in other places about my soon to be ex husband (written here and here). In quick summary, he paid 31+ escorts and cam girls over the course of 9 months after I gave birth, was doing cocaine, and was an alcoholic...all without me knowing.

I am in therapy and group therapy. I'm getting lots of mental help because the betrayal is beyond anything I could have ever expected, especially after I had already forgiven him for stuff 2 months and 6 months into marriage.

Despite the therapy, and despite final d-day brain back in March, my brain feels off. I haven't felt like myself in a while. Some days are good, but days like today, I remember how low he made me feel about myself. How he asked me to ask myself why my husband prefers prostitutes over me. I just feel so off somedays. I stare off into nothing, have a hard time holding conversations on a regular basis, and this is bad given the nature of my work requires a very sharp brain.

Today, despite telling him to no longer contact me, I sent two crying screaming voicemails and probably 20+ texts. He hasn't responded. He let me know he tried to apologize for all the betrayal but i was unwilling to accept his apologies (this is true, because he said sorry so many times...and still dealt with so many sex workers).

Saying sorry just is not enough for all of this. The nature of who he cheated with (sex workers) the sheer number (30+) the amount spent ($5000+) makes me sick every time i recall the details.

I just mentally no longer feel like myself. I was once a very chatty person, and now I prefer quiet. I was bubbly, and now I feel somber. I'm just so tired all the time. He's not asking for much from the divorce, but I truly want nothing from him. I don't want child support. I don't want co-parenting. I just want him to leave me alone.I worry my brain not get well again if I keep interacting with him. I feel like i'm in a fog, or like i'm swimming through some thick molasses in my head. I zone out too easily. I ramble. I forget my words. My therapists say it's betrayal trauma PTSD, but I just want to get out of this fog.

I've shared a lot in other places about my soon to be ex husband (written here and here). In quick summary, he paid 31+ escorts and cam girls over the course of 9 months after I gave birth, was doing cocaine, and was an alcoholic...all without me knowing.

I am in therapy and group therapy. I'm getting lots of mental help because the betrayal is beyond anything I could have ever expected, especially after I had already forgiven him for stuff 2 months and 6 months into marriage.

Despite the therapy, and despite final d-day brain back in March, my brain feels off. I haven't felt like myself in a while. Some days are good, but days like today, I remember how low he made me feel about myself. How he asked me to ask myself why my husband prefers prostitutes over me. I just feel so off somedays. I stare off into nothing, have a hard time holding conversations on a regular basis, and this is bad given the nature of my work requires a very sharp brain.

Today, despite telling him to no longer contact me, I sent two crying screaming voicemails and probably 20+ texts. He hasn't responded. He let me know he tried to apologize for all the betrayal but i was unwilling to accept his apologies (this is true, because he said sorry so many times...and still dealt with so many sex workers).

Saying sorry just is not enough for all of this. The nature of who he cheated with (sex workers) the sheer number (30+) the amount spent ($5000+) makes me sick every time i recall the details.

I just mentally no longer feel like myself. I was once a very chatty person, and now I prefer quiet. I was bubbly, and now I feel somber. I'm just so tired all the time.

He's not asking for much from the divorce, but I truly want nothing from him. I don't want child support. I don't want co-parenting. I just want him to leave me alone.I worry my brain will not get well again if I keep having to interact with him. I feel like i'm in a fog, or like i'm swimming through some thick molasses in my head. I zone out too easily. I ramble. I forget my words. My therapists say it's betrayal trauma PTSD, but I just want to get out of this fog.

My therapists, one being a Christian therapist and then the other being Christian wives of sex addicts group therapy, keep telling me that this can take years to get out of. Some people become physically ill and get autoimmune disorders, some women end up mentally ill and even end up in psych wards. The damage is that serious, so I thank God I'm not there, i'm not at that point, but I feel so off, and it's not getting better.

I feel my options in life have been limited. The good guys are snatched up already. The course of my life has changed. I am away from family and friends. I have very little community where I am. It's just very, very hard. The cruelty I received from him at the end of this has been too much, and despite some falsely earnest attempts by him to make things right, everything is too wrong.

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