I can't believe my life has came to this..... Never saw it coming.
After inhad a git feeling of something being "off" I started my fbi work which was exhausting. At first I found he had visited a strip club (i want to say not a "nice clean" one) he lied and denied until he couldn't. Then it was "only for an hour". He didn't get any dances , he was asked but said maybe later. He also couldn't remember if he ordered beer or a red bull. The feeling there was more kept me looking discovering (at least)about 3 years of a chinese brothel visits. He says he didnt go very often every 3 or 4 months. Amd it was always a hj with one of the same 2 prostitutes. (Wellnhe didn't call them prostitutes) he described them one was old but gave a good massage. (Pissed me off) what 10minute?) You didnt go for a massage so stop saying that!)apparently once she just took it out and started the "hj: without asking so he only tipped her $20 that day.(prices changed during different recounts or questionings) I found out she might not have been as grandma as he let on to be once I compared her to his mommas age. The other was described 'ugly" she offered fuk-efuk-e 2 times but he said no. Scared of disease. 🤦🏼♀️ supposedly neither had tits. I.alsmost defended them.like don't talk about them.now. He "always" took just the amount for the 30 mins (massage or room fee) and the tip. His location timeliness shows another place 30 mins he said he didn't go there...(his phone) it was on the way home so??
Them another where it looks as if he he just sat in the truck a few.mins and decided not to go in. He denied ans denied but later admitted. I want him to prove he didnt have sex with them or any other. He won't "really". But after I've went crazy. Moved out living in hotels left our son's with him.
. Now he's sorry he won't go there ever again. He loves me. He's stupid. He don't know why. We own a successful business so the difference between a hj and full service $ which was not a problem for him. He said i denied him sex he had to beg (sometimes true because we did not talk or share oir lives but you want tonpoke me at night time?) our relationship was rocky very stressful . He has a pattern of being caught trying to cheat although he claims he "NEVER" had sex with any of the women. Sometimes I want to believe him. Sometimes it makes me furious and disgusted and sick. The movie and images my brain makes yp to fill gaps has me a wreck. Sometimes I feel like fu*k him. I'm more than he can handle other times I'm I'm low self esteem and telling him he don't want me hes made it clear that I'm an ugly dumb ass.
But the hysterical bonding and his trickle truthing - has me so confused . So ugh... idk. I feel like I'm waiting g on him to show me change before I decide to rent or buy something more permanent. I hate this for my son's. I want my life back. I want to go home. I want to get In my big comfy bed. I want the man I though I knew. I WANT ME BACK. maybe these are growing pains. They hurt.. I'm tired. I staredting mid May searching. End of May found the strip club. MId June (17/18) D-Day
I tore up so much of our business property trucks and office and his bad ass new dually with one of one rims. He sent it off to be repaired. I do regret that now but at the time I was hurting g so bad and wanted to get to him where it hurts. His wallet, things he has worked hard for ar so proud of. But risked ALL OF IT FOR PROSTITUTES. 22 yeats together (14 married) hes Mexican now a resident close to citizen. Idont know to leave or stay I'm pulled both ways depending on the day. Its also scary. Can I make it alone? With 3 kids.
I realize living in the hotels. I've never lived alone. I don't want a divorce I also don't want to keep living like this. I know if I leave him he will jave someone else of she's just around for his money and Im like ugh ugh. . I cant compete with tiny Chinese women. I told him how would you feel if Id been cheating on you with at least 2 black men for 3 years? Or if i been secretly going and seeing at least 2 men for 3 years but they just fingered me until I orgasmed. That's all. I don't know their names.
I went over there on the women. They was so scared and denied him going there. Which made me.mad. but why would they admit. This is a somewhat hidden shithole. So je drive his big truck up in there looking like king daddy with no wife and kids but NEVER had any more money for more than a hj. WOW.
These places are right under our noses. I feel like telling women pay attention even if you don't think your man would... its fast easy and somewhat cheap. They are nasty and the things I have read in the reviews disgust me. I can hardly unsee or not see the places anymore as I drive down the street. Families being ruined and the men aren't the same. Seems like he can't enjoy sex with me maybe its me but IT makes me feel like he needs something else something more. Sometimes I basically make him let me jack him off (he said that and pu**y is basically the same. Get done the same so why pay more... ok . Sometimes I act like I'm one of them to see if he's really laying quiet and still whenever he cums. Or Idk weird shit like that trying to figure it all out... I need to either cheat good on him - or give this to God its way much for me. (Might do both./ might have already done the first 😉)not proud of it if I did.