All the stupid imperfections come to light
I’m wondering if anyone is having this experience as well.
My SA had a lot of traits that I was looking for in a man, he wasn’t everything but to me there was enough positives to outweigh the smaller things that I would have liked. Examples, he’s not romantic, he doesn’t take initiatives (outside and inside the bedroom), he’s nerdy and doesn’t give very masculine energy, I wasn’t that attracted to him psychically but other qualities about him let me moved past that and then eventually I loved him no matter how he looked (before dday), and just other everyday life things.
Now with the betrayal I am REALLY struggling to look past those things that weren’t my ideal but weren’t a deal breaker. I’m increasingly struggling to be romantically attracted to him and because of that our sex life is struggling. The only time I have sex is when nature ups the hormones and I’m purely wanting sex because I’m horny and that happens for MAYBE a couple days out of the month when I’m ovulating. Otherwise I have no desire for him.
I know I’ve fallen out of love with him, for a long while now. I think I still love him in some way because when he does mess up I get upset. I imagine if I didn’t love him and he messed up then I wouldn’t care? He tried to get couples counseling and he ended up flaking and I told him now is not the time because he is obviously not serious about it. There are other moments that shows he lack of consistency and consideration and those moments are making me go further into this hole of “I’m not attracted to you”
Someone recently commented about having an “ick list” and I think that is what’s happening here. There are so many “icks” that I am sinking into this hole.
Has anyone else experienced this?