u/inqvietude

Long story short - found out my boyfriend of 5 years was addicted to porn (spent $ to watch, onlyfans, texted people and escorts) in March.. I've been on r/loveafterporn since then.

Found out 3 days ago that he actually met up with people from Grindr and did sexual acts with them. Found this sub today.

I was willing to be around for therapy and him trying to get over the porn addiction but this exceeds what I can handle. I feel dirty, violated, disgusted, my reality is completely distorted (I am a woman and he never said anything about men/trans people). We had family plans, everything.

I am struggling with looking at him as the person I knew and then realizing that I never knew him. And I'm so... I don't even have the words. The messages, pictures I saw. He sent photos of himself, his body, videos that were sent to me as well.. nothing is sacred clearly, and I just cannot agree with the idea that he loves me despite those actions. It's just impossible. You don't do that to someone you love and care for...

How do you accept it's over? I find myself wanting to extend talking to him.. the idea of blocking him forever hurts me so badly. That was my person but I was not his. I am not ok.

How can I process this? It doesn't make sense.

I genuinely feel like I'm in another universe all of a sudden. The way it makes me feel is dangerous to my wellbeing. I just can't accept this is real.

Hi,

I posted yesterday about how I found out my partner physically cheated on me and I found out by his Grindr account.

I want to block him. When I speak to him I just spiral and cry. But an hour without speaking and I'm able to recenter myself.

However I can't bring myself to actually block him. It feels like really letting go of the man I love(d), like confirming he doesn't exist. It's really hard for me to come to terms that who I speak to now, is not the person I fell in love with.

Does anyone have advice? How can I encourage myself to do it and not look back?

We were meant to go on vacation. I told him I want to go regardless because I deserve to. He said I can go and he can send me money for food etc and I can go alone, or he can come and stay elsewhere but still be around for the paying things aspect.

Obviously if I block him I can't get that. He is also going to be paying for my therapy.

Any advice is appreciated, thank you❤️

He made it seem like he never met anyone; only used apps and sites and checked escort websites to jerk off. Ha. Logged into his somehow still existent 'just-to-look' grindr account, password not even different from any of his accounts.

He sent photo pics. Of his face. And nudes. Invited people over. Bought them ubers. Valentine's day, too. Took drugs.

I should have known but I needed the proof. I have it now.

I am in shock and so hurt. So disgusted. What the fuck?

It's done. I don't care. No more pretending to be someone he is not. I know now. Whatever he is, I don't want anything to do with it. He did not have to involve me in his games.

I'm glad I found proof. We were about to go on vacation together.

Oh my god. Just, oh my god.

The prevalence of porn addiction is so shocking and disgusting. I didn't realize how bad it was and how many people have it until I experienced my dday and researched. The Reddit subs glorifying cheating fantasies, "gooner" language (weird as hell), the many sites that I never knew existed but are so easily available.

I started going on dates w a guy after deciding that no contact with my PA was best. Lo and behold, this guy couldn't finish unless he did it to himself. The reason why? Because he did it so much! How exciting...

I'm back in contact with my PA and I have lots of love for him. But I cannot, at the moment, imagine having sex with him without feeling like crying or being in my head. Plus never knowing what he's really doing, etc.

I am disappointed and don't even want to consider dating in general. I'd rather be alone than be a participant in this sick world of cheating and selfishness. What a world.

I know not all men are porn addicts of course. I just do not wish to sift through them. One of my boyfriends when I was younger would watch porn in bed with me while I would sleep and wouldn't stop even after I asked him to. Today, he can't finish during sex (I know this bc we had reconnected). Long term dysfunction all due to a porn addiction that started when we were teens!!!

All these experiences put together are such a wake up call and turn me off from seeking a relationship. :(

Hi! I realize this might be a shot in the dark, but I will ask in case anyone does know - I'm interested in applying for ATC in the Montreal region, but there are no postings for the region atm.

Do new postings for different regions show up regularly, or are there long, dead periods? I ask because I don't want to waste too much time either; I understand the application process isn't quick, so if it's best for me to apply to another region, I'll consider it. Just not so great to have to travel there.

Thanks!

Hi! I bought a ticket for The Strokes in Toronto but have since decided that was a stupid and impulsive purchase. I want to sell it but it's only letting me sell it at 10$ less than what I paid for it?

Is there anything I can do about this :-((?