As partner or ex partner, how do you not make this personal?
I was with a sex addict for 3 years and we recently broke up. Throughout our relationship, he shared his issues and went to therapy, but it just wasn't enough. The "ugly compulsive craving" as he called it and the thrill of pleasuring other people casually and more more more always won - he wouldn't cheat but he would breakup with me for fear of cheating on me. I'm sure there were also things I don't know about.
Anyway, all that's to say...I don't think I'm delusional (I'm actually painfully self aware, too much so sometimes) but I know 100% that we were in love. Neither of us had ever been in love (both had previous marriages that were stale and full of resentment) and our sex life was amazing. It was the first time we both felt so intimately and emotionally connected enough during sex to explore everything we could ever imagine, not just have casual hookups. But he still chooses casual meaningless sex over me? Someone he literally worshipped on all fronts.
My question is - how do you NOT take that personally? How do I get out of this mindset that - well, what I offered clearly wasn't good enough so you had to go find something elsewhere? He's consistently maintained that's not the case, it's a compulsion and habit ...that's it's just like choosing to drink if you're an alcoholic, even if the person you love asks you not to. But that feels so much less personal than... I'm choosing another body/bodies over you. Any help or reframing to make this less painful would be much appreciated. I don't post on Reddit really but I'm just feeling desperate.