My partner is also addicted to substances… How can I believe he stopped with his “sex” addiction?
D-day was basically a year ago (August 2025). We’ve been together 4 years. He was messaging SWs the first 3 years we were together. I only got proof of him meeting one in person (but given how many times he reached out + his “reviews” on Mr. Number, I fear there are probably more times that I don’t have proof on, but I’m digressing).
I think paying hookers/escorts for online services was his main way of satisfying his addiction. But since he lost his job back in (April 2025) I don’t think he has the means to pay for these services anymore (works part time at a gym now, but that barely gets him by). However since college (before we met), he has also technically been a pusher (I guess you can call that another “part-time job”), so we get party favors essentially for “free”. I also dabble in the community as I like to rave and party as well. Difference between us is that I know my limits and when to stop. I’ve asked him since the beginning of this year if he could try to do (coca cola) less, like to do it once a week rather than twice a week (we are pretty sociable people with plans every weekend). He never took my concerns or ask seriously and ended up almost od’ing on our 4 year anniversary (June 2026). He basically pulled an all nighter doing coca cola and was drinking for 21 hours straight (even after I had already called it a night and he was up alone). Anyway, he began having really scary symptoms and I ended up calling 911. Even after that all happened I asked him to be sober from coca cola for at least a month (not even long) and he couldn’t even last 3 weeks.
If you were me, would you see this as him overcompensating his sex addictions elsewhere? Or would you question if he can’t even handle his substance abuse, how on earth would you trust he’s handling his other sex addiction?
I do keep in mind being laid off from working at a big 4 company after 5 years and unable to find a job after a year a half can take a toll on someone, but while trying to navigate his so called sex addiction and then still have empathy for his almost OD… I don’t know how to feel or what to think. He doesn’t update me on his progress on his sex addiction, we honestly hardly talk about it. He also doesn’t like me bringing up my feelings/emotions on the matter either and tells me I keep bringing up the past.
I’m stuck thinking that if we weren’t dealing with him being unemployed for 18 months that things would be different. And I fear I am just making excuses for him, because even if he gets a job, are his addictions to these things ever going to go away? Once he gets a job and has money again, wouldn’t it be easy to revert back to paying for SW?