how to feel excited about life again
Hi guys! So I used to be one of those energy packed teenagers with dreams that knew no ends. I was waiting desperately for my high school to be over so that I can go to college and live more independently. The thing that excited me the most about life was the prospect of travelling. Ever since I was a kid, I was in love with atlases and maps. I would note down the names of the places that sounded pretty. I wanted to visit them all. I was in love with books and poetry and I used to write soo much! I was so full of spark, so social. Great at academics. But mostly, I never once felt afraid of not being good enough or that I won't have a great life. I wanted it all because I felt like I deserved it. I graduated school early at 16.
But then, instead of joining good colleges in my city based on my high school performance, I applied for med school instead and got rejected and because of rejections, started taking multiple gap years to study to get into one.
I struggled deeply with procrastination, self doubt, excessive criticism from family for being lazy and now after so many years, it feels like I've forgotten what it was like to achieve something, to go by a day without criticising myself. My mum criticises me soo much and it gets to me. She think I wasted my potential and I know my bad habits ruine dit for me. Now, I have quit trying for med school and will be preparing for law entrances because I feel like it aligns more with my personality. But it's just so hard to believe in myself again. I'm so scared. I used to be applauded so much for my academics and hobbies. But now my hobbies feel like a curse. I know I still have something extraordinary in me but I'm just so scared that I would procrastinate again and would not live a good life. My self-esteem is at its lowest. I stay at home most of the time, studying. I'm 21 but I feel so old and so damn scared.
How can I get that excitement and hope in my future back?? Ho can I believe in myself again?? How can I genuinely feel like I deserve the best?? Because I find myself questioning if I even deserve a good home and good food that I'm provided with by my parents. i feel responsible for every single thing at home. I couldve made them happier but I became a burden for them.