u/Away-Veterinarian811

Is it bad to listen to sad songs? I feel like I’ve been making so many sad girl playlists since he left.

God I miss his stupid face today. He had such better music taste - cool and niche. Mine is just more mainstream whiny sad songs. Which isn’t bad but.. I guess I just wish I was different in that sense.

I’m making changes. Trying to lift my own weight on my own. It’s really heavy.

I still can’t believe he’s gone and he left me here.

It is just so quiet. I haven’t looked him up online at all today, which is new. Day 2 not looking him or anything related up.

I wonder what he’s doing right now - do you ever wonder that? I have to be careful I don’t start indulging in daydreams about him because I can do that for hours.

I’ve decided to believe in myself again. I am strong enough, I can get through, things aren’t as bad as my mind makes them seem.

22 May 2026

I need to stop looking up his profiles on social media. I must check them 50 times a day on rotation desperately trying to find some sign that he is thinking of me or sad or anything at all

The silence is maddening.

I spent so long just unable to believe that he was actually gone. He had a good reason for leaving - no one is obligated to drown with you. As much as I want to be mad at him for leaving me at my lowest, I can’t. He did the right thing, even though I am in agony. I promised him I would be okay.

I feel so volatile since the break up. I miss him and then I obsessively try and find some sign of him online and then I block him and unblock him and hate him but want the best for him and then I hate myself and think I shouldn’t do that, that’s why he left and what if he’s with another girl right now, and she’s light and happy and everything I’m not.. and I think I’m going to throw up… it is so exhausting. It’s worse because he’s probably fine. Calm and rational (how??).

It’s hard when they were your best friend too. And I can acknowledge that neither of us were really happy for the last 6 months of the relationship but I just so wish it wasn’t true. I wish it was different. Long distance sucked.

Oh well. I can’t control it. It just hurts so much.

Day 1 of not looking him up online or his family members or google searching his name or spotify or posting to try and get his attention or any other embarrassing thing I’ve done. Day 20 of no contact.

I’m a little scared.

I just want peace. And my appetite back.

s

I drink lots of caffeine everyday (being a uni student kind of explains why). But I’ve noticed it has some negative effects for me - it disrupts my sleep, makes me irritable and zoned out, and I also have anxiety which it doesn’t help!

I thought it helped me concentrate but I’ve noticed although it helps me concentrate intensely, I get a bit locked in and sometimes I get locked in on the wrong thing and I have a tough time switching focus.

I also notice I concentrate fine without it.

The only problem is if I stop I know I will get headaches so I might cut down slowly.

Tomorrow - 1 cup coffee
Next day - 1 cup coffee
Then maybe a cup of tea and slowly to nothing.

I’ll keep it updated :)