u/Away-Wrangler7652

I normally live near Canggu, but am in Uluwatu for a long weekend. I order food almost daily (and tip good), but there is something weird I noticed very negatively.

Out of 6 orders, 3 drivers called me multiple times right after I ordered and then texted me very sad "Please tip brother, this drive is very long" - please mind: Its like 20min delivery, nothing not normal.

Of course I always tip, but this is just so uncomfortable - anyone have an Idea why this is happening? Just the tourist area?

https://preview.redd.it/drrjaa7uqm1h1.jpg?width=1260&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c49474b3b199badc4dba0b080bfefff4705f2361

I have kind of gaslighted myself into being a follower of God. I always called it "Im walking with God" through life - still figuring out if there is any religion I can align with.

This year, I have had A LOT of prayers where I cried for help, sometimes for an hour straight, suicidal thoughts, begging to get ANY feedback.

My religious friends (no matter which) tell me about their encounters with God: "God told me...", Gods spirit in their life, God answering their prayers, one friend even said she saw a physical biblical angel.

...and im like: GOD WHY THE FUCK DO YOU TALK TO ANYONE BUT ME. I AM REACHING OUT, IM TRYING TO FIND YOU - TALK BACK TO ME. I cant do this anymore bro.

Am I doing everything in my power to find God?
No, of course not, I could read more, pray more, less screentime - BUT FOR GODS SAKE, I am sincerely asking for him FOR YEARS to show up in my life, and still nothing that convinces me. He is God, he is the more powerful one.

Im really starting to think that there is no one watching over us, maybe there once was someone who created all this, but he is long gone.

24 y/o.

Any Advice? Im pretty sure a lot of people have gone through this?