u/Away_Neat_4847

My pwBPD would be jealous of my past relationships and my friends, honestly anything that happened before them or my life outside the relationship. I had to downplay my life before them to make it sound like I was so miserable until I met them. I had to pretend that my memories or travels were mid. I couldn’t even show them pictures or bring up something I did without them getting jealous and take me hours into comforting them. They would be jealous of my life outside of us and would guilt trip me into not doing other things. They wouldn’t go to places or do things I have already done in the past because it wasn’t with them. They would bring up my past relationships thinking I liked my exes more.

I’ve just started my healing journey, I guess I’m just looking for some light at the end of the tunnel. Not sure if those that are healed and moved on still visit this page but if you do, how long did it take for you to move on? How long did it take to be in a healthy relationship again? What has helped you during your healing journey?

I feel like I could never trust anyone. Dating sounds so scary to me. The thought of even opening up or learning about someone again makes me panic. I was made to feel like I was the problem and nothing I ever did was right. They made me feel like I deserved what they did to me.

I understand pwBPD feel a lot and find it very hard to control their emotions, but do they really not know when to stop? My ex would continue to yell at me, call me names, throw or kick things when we had a disagreement when they can clearly see me panicking, crying and begging for them to stop yelling. My eyes would become so swollen. They would also threaten to hurt themselves which makes me panic even more. I get so anxious that every time we get into an argument, they threaten these things to get a reaction from me to show I care and beg them to stop. They become a whole different person I can’t recognize.

You would think if they see someone they claim to love that distraught they would have some human decency to at least stop or try to calm themselves down somehow.