AITA for being fed up that my ex only parents when it’s convenient and refuses to help more after our child’s diagnosis?
I (37F) share kids with my ex (35M). We finalized our divorce and child support agreement when our youngest was about 2. At the time, things already felt a little uneven, but I agreed to it because I just wanted stability for the kids.
Shortly after everything was finalized, we found out our youngest is on the autism spectrum.
Since then, everything has changed. There are therapy appointments (like ABA), evaluations, routines, and a lot of extra emotional, physical, and financial responsibility. I love my child more than anything, but it’s overwhelming doing most of this alone.
The problem is my ex thinks none of this changes his role because “we already agreed on everything.” He still sticks to the original child support and refuses to take on anything extra, even though our child’s needs are clearly different now.
And it’s not just about money—it’s about responsibility in general.
For example:
•There have been times he was supposed to pick up our kids, and I found out last minute he didn’t because he was at a car dealership, so I had to scramble to figure it out myself.
•One time, after we had an argument, he straight up refused to pick up our son from ABA therapy, leaving him there longer than he should have been. I ended up having to pay him just to go pick up his own child, because he was mad at me.
Situations like this make me feel like he only participates in parenting when it’s convenient or when we’re getting along, and the rest falls on me no matter what.
I’ve tried talking to him about stepping up, especially now that our child needs more support, but he says I’m being unreasonable and trying to change the terms of our agreement. He also says I’m making him look like a bad parent.
I recently told him I’m done covering for him and acting like everything is fine. I think he should be doing more—not just financially, but as an actual parent.
Some people have told me I should just accept it since the agreement is already in place, but others think what he’s doing is completely wrong.
So now I’m second guessing myself.
AITA for expecting him to step up more and calling him out when he doesn’t?